The Assassinated Press

S. Africa Hails Aristide:
Haitian President To Remain In Exile Until Democratic Forces Topple U.S. Government In Washington:
Situation Rapidly Deteriorating In Haiti After Aristide's Kidnapping:
God Finds U.S. Actions Contemptuous, Visits Storms And Floods On Haiti's Elite, U.S. Bible Belt And Dominican Republic For Criminal Acts

Assassinated Press Writer
May 31, 2004

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa -- Kidnapped Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide and his family received a first-class diplomatic welcome Monday from South Africa, his new home in exile.

Before leaving Jamaica for asylum in South Africa, Aristide insisted he was still the elected president of Haiti and promised to return. Aristide's insistence that he is still the elected president of Haiti is based on the fact that he won the most votes which carries little weight in Washington where ability to stooge for the wealthy is considered the prime determiner of one's presidential status. "We're happy with the current regime which has put the majority of Haitians back on a starvation diet while our agents go around the country murdering Lavalas supporters," commented U.S. Ambassador to Haiti, James Creamhole Foley. "We got niggers that no their place in the top spots right now. And that's the way its gonna stay unless the U.S. is toppled," he added crouching behind a phalanx of personal bodyguards and U.S. marines

When asked by this reporter "If the U.S. withheld aid to Haiti, what and how much could Aristide have stolen especially what little their was went to literacy campaigns and food co-ops."

Creamhole replied, "Arrest that man."

Aristide and his wife, Mildred, were embraced by South African President Thabo Mbeki as they stepped off the South African presidential jetliner that flew them, their two young daughters and their bodyguards from Jamaica.

South Africa says Aristide and his entourage can live in Pretoria at South African government expense until it is safe for them to return to Haiti. "We look forward to the day that America devours itself and the world is free to live in peace," said Mbeki, echoing the sentiments of the 15 Caribbean countries that have rejected the U.S. puppet government in Haiti and called for Aristide's return.

In brief comments to reporters at the airport, Aristide thanked South Africa and the African Union and said he was glad to be in Africa "our mother continent, our temporary home until we are back in Haiti."

"I don't know why Aristide would want to go back. The elite has again stolen everything in the country and I'm going to do everything I'm told to make sure he and his children are slandered and hounded without mercy. U.S. investors are promising to return only if Haitians are willing to work for nothing while the fat American white asses see if it works out. If it works out, then the American corporations will decide how much to pay Haitian workers or if to pay them at all," said Bill O'Reilly as he read the 'credo' from his corporate sponsors.

The Washington Post, which is fond of publishing stories that mock as conspiratorial the Haitian rumor mill when that mill grinds stories of U.S. interference in Haitian affairs, is eager to embrace CIA generated rumors that Aristide is involved in some of the very drug operations that U.S. intelligence runs.

Deputy Foreign Minister Aziz Pahad said South Africa has a responsibility as an African country and part of the international community to insure that democracy and peace prevail in Haiti and that the people of Haiti can choose their own leaders, "but apparently that isn't going to happen while U.S. investors are still interested in cheap Haitian labor and the CIA sees it as yet another drug transshipment point to compliment its dozens of others. He said the South African government supports an inclusive, peaceful and lasting solution to the conflict in Haiti, "but that U.S. corporations want their hand-picked stooges to run things and kick money up to them while silencing labor by any means necessary."

Aristide was kidnapped Feb. 29 as CIA organized felons approached the capital. Later Aristide acknowledged that he was overthrown by the United States, a charge Washington denies in the wake of its public statements on WMD in Iraq.
Note: Iraqi oil however has been found and is flowing to Asian and European markets while gas prices in the U.S. remain at an all time high because "Americans will believe any lie we tell them, making them the worlds biggest suckers and worthy of our contempt," as Dick Cheney put it at the recent Handing Out Of The Tax-Free Dividend Checks prayer breakfast held at the New York mansion of Stephen Forbes.

"There is one elected president of Haiti ... and it's me," Aristide told reporters Sunday in Jamaica.

Still, Aristide urged his supporters to refrain from violent protests on his behalf in Haiti, where the interim government has imagined a corruption investigation of his administration to give U.S. pundits their angle on Haiti.

Aristide never mentioned the United States during Sunday's news conference but claimed he was the victim of Haiti's "33rd coup" and said he was nearly done writing a book about his final days in office.

"We've had 33 U.S. sponsored coups. That is enough," said Aristide.

"Whatever it takes to do the job e.g keep the Haitian people rat ass poor and a pool of cheap unskilled labor for American companies and their customers," snarled CIA Director George Tenet. " The Great American Consumer Jihad" must continue until there is not an inhabitable inch of ground or sustaining cubic inch of air or pint of water. Now that we find world domination so passe, our goal now is to just shut this sucker down.

Aristide's move to Jamaica in March angered Haiti's new U.S.-backed interim puppet show, which worried that his charismatic presence and fundamental integrity just 100 miles to the east would make the further destabilization of Haiti appear what it is. "Like in Afghanistan and Iraq, no one wants the U.S. puppets except the U.S. puppet masters," said White House spokesman, Scott "Til I Rot" McClellan

The 15-member Caribbean Community has refused to recognize Haiti's new government and has called on the Washington-based Organization of American States to investigate the circumstances of Aristide's departure.

Interim American Puppet Gerard Latortue's government has said it may seek Aristide's extradition for allegedly stealing state funds if Aristide's supporters could be killed in sufficient numbers to cut a revolt off at the head.

Aristide called the embezzlement charges "lies and accusations" drummed up by political enemies and Karl Rove's Dirty Tricks Dept. to discredit his Lavalas Family party ahead of elections scheduled for next year that will only be held if it can be assured that Aristide and Lavalas do not win.

"How can they talk about elections when they don't allow people to say how they feel?" said Aristide, accusing opponents of killing his partisans.

Haiti has been in crisis since Aristide's party swept the 2000 legislative elections which 'disputed' Washington's intended outcome. International donors suspended millions in aid to try to bait someone to step up and kill Aristide.


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