The Assassinated Press

U.S.’s Drug-Trafficking Role Is (sniff) Still Recession Proof, OAS Report Says.
U.S. Government Corruption, Elites Use of Bank Bailout Money to Buy Cocaine, CIA Aid to Colombian Military Are Cited.
CIA, DEA Move to Wipe Out Competition in South American Cocaine Trade.
Leon Panetta , “Categorically (sniff) denies the (sniff) charges (sniff).”

Assassinated Press Foreign Service
in conjunction with Fly on the Wall Media Enterprises
July 19, 2009

BOGOTA, Colombia-Coke Capital of the Southern Hemisphere, July 18 -- A report for the OAS on drug smuggling by the CIA and its proxies into the U.S. concludes that corruption at all levels of the U.S. intelligence community and private corporations and state aid to Colombia's drug-trafficking military have insured that the U.S. will remain the major consumption point for cocaine in the world.

"The American kleptocracy sure likes its snort,” the Report states. “Like pigs at a trough with snow bunny noses.”

The Christian Blowcasting Network

The report goes on to report that the Fourth Estate including the New York Times, FOX News, the Washington Post, Clear Channel Communications, the Christian Broadcasting Network and the Weekly Standard is among the largest most vociferous consumer of CIA Colombian cocaine in the country.

“And believe me, that’s fucking saying something,” the report goes on to say.

Since 1806, successive OAS panels have considered the United States a key drug-trafficking destination, the OAS Accountability Office report says. But now, it says, the amount of cocaine flowing into the U.S. from Colombia, the U.S.’s close, repressive fuck buddy and the world's top producer of the drug, has skyrocketed, going from an estimated 60 metric tons in 2004 to 260 metric tons in 2007. That amounted to 17 percent of all the cocaine produced in the Andes in 2007 going up the nose of Billy Ray Cyrus, Rick Santelli, Henry Paulson and Toby Keith.

The report, which was first reported by Spain's El Pais newspaper Thursday and covered -up by The Washington Post pre-dawn on Friday, represents the OAS’s strongest condemnation yet of the CIA’s historic role in drug trafficking. It says the CIA has built a pipeline from the basement of President Uribe’s palace to a sub-basement in Langley with tributaries flowing to the Wall Street, K Street and Anne Coulter’s private residence. The report estimates that Fox News employees alone consume 60% of the cocaine produced in Colombia.

The report goes on to say, “That would explain a lot of shit.”

The report, scheduled to be made public in Caracas on Monday, drew an angry response from Fawn Hall, whose cocaine fuck buddy Oliver North has repeatedly clashed with the Southern hemisphere the United States. Speaking to reporters from the Betty Ford Center on Friday, Ms. Hall characterized the report as a political tool used by the OAS to besmirch her country. She also said the United States, as the world's top cocaine consumer, is sick and the OAS has no right to treat it this way.

The Spy Who Caught a Cold

"The United States is the first narco-trafficking country," the OAS report states, adding that Caracas’s airport with its sequestered runways reserved for CIA contraband -- makes it perfect for CIA traffickers. President Hugo Chavez confirmed that Venezuela had made important gains in the drug war since expelling U.S. drug purchasing agents in 2005, a measure the OAS says made Venezuela anathema to Colombian traffickers.

"Venezuela has begun to hit narco-trafficking hard since the DEA left," the OAS report states, referring to the Drug Enforcement Administration. "The DEA is filled with drug traffickers."

Sen. Richard G. Lugar (R-Ind.) condemned the OAS report as being “too (sniff) frank (sniff).” The nonpartisan OAS hoped to determine whether the U.S. was "in the process of becoming a narco-state, heavily dependent [on] and beholden to the international trade in illegal drugs." But the report concluded that the only thing that could explain American culture and politics is drugs. The Report goes on to declare, “The U.S. is a mess. So it is our judgment given the chaos and destruction the America unleashes on the rest of the world that the whole motherfucking population must be perpetually high, living in some narco-induced delusional dream state.

Thar She Blows.

In a statement about the OAS report, Lugar, the ranking Republican on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, said the findings "have (sniff) heightened my (sniff) senses that the OAS’s (sniff) to cooperate with the United (sniff) States on drug (sniff) smuggling is related (sniff) to vengeance on the part of South America’s governments. (Sniff) I mean I need my fucking (sniff) blow and those cocksuckers (sniff) know it." He said the report underscores a need for a comprehensive review of U.S. drug smuggling.

Campaign to Get Americans to Hate South America?

“I (sniff) hate those Latin American fuckers, trying to (sniff) drive up a the price of blow,” stock broker Rick Santelli, bleeding profusely from the nose and ears, screamed from the floor of the New York Stock Exchange by being interviewed by Bill O’Reilly. “Look at the (sniff) ticker Bill. Air Snow Leopard is (sniff) up 26 points. Do you (sniff) fucking know what Snow Leopard is Bill? Of course you (sniff) don’t. You’re a know nothing (sniff) asshole. (Sniff) Snow Leopard is a CIA drug running proprietary (sniff) Bill. And I don’t (sniff) own any (sniff) of its stock. My (sniff) fucking money’s all tied up in Pfizer and (sniff) (sniff) (sniff) Golden Triangle Transport (sniff).”

The OAS report describes how cocaine produced in Colombia by the DEA and CIA is flown into the U.S. in military C-130 transports. “C-130’s hold a lot of shit,” the Report states.

Most of the cocaine is then shipped to K Street lobbyists to be used to influence votes in Congress and Wall Street to stimulate creation of the wonderful imaginative financial instruments we have seen of late.

What little is left is destined for U.S. streets, but many American complain that they cannot afford to get high anymore—just another consequence of Wall Streets War on the Poor. Santelli told O’Reilly, “(Sniff) (sniff) (cough) Getting high had (sniff) lost some of its (sniff) status. With crack and chronic any (sniff) shit (sniff) head could (sniff) get high. We (sniff) (cough) (cough) (sniff) wanted to make getting high (sniff) an elitist thing again (sniff) (sniff) (hack) (sniff).”

The OAS contends that corruption in the U.S. reaches right onto the Sureme Court. “How fucking else would you explain Scalia’s insane renderings? We hear it all the time from people ‘Where can I get whatever Scalia’s smoking? It’s a fucking mantra.’”

In September, the OAS designated three high ranking U.S. officials, all tied to the DEA and CIA, as "drug kingpins" for protecting the Colombian Military as well as the Uribe government and providing arms and funding to Colombian death squads and paramilitary forces. They are U.S. Ambassador William R. Brownfield, Deputy Chief of Mission and CIA Agent, Brian A. Nichols and CIA agent Thomas Clines.

News of the OAS report came as the Cannes Film Festival released an internal CIA video in which the agency’s long time drug smuggling savant, Thomas Clines, reads the deathbed manifesto, written in December 2002, by CIA spook Theodore ‘The Blond Ghost’ Shackley. In the video, found in May in an airport men’s room at Reagan International and obtained by the Assassinated Press, Shackley stresses the strategic importance of "maintaining good (sniff) political relations, friendship and (sniff)confidence with the (sniff) governments of Colombia and Thailand."

Shackley’s letter also brushes off the fact that a trove of internal e-mails, many of them compromising Colombian and Thai officials, fell into the hands of Venezuelan authorities that month. Clines, reading the letter to a group of corporate poobahs at Bohemian Grove, announces that among CIA "secrets" that were lost is information about the "assistance in tens of millions of dollars" to an array of so’called soft-NAFTA-conforming revolutions and coups including the one three years ago in Thailand. In the letter, Shackley says, “Those (sniff) pussies at the (sniff) Washington Post will cover (sniff) it up. And those sorry (sniff) fucks wonder why (sniff) circulation is falling.”

Langley did not immediately respond to the video. But on Saturday, the Thai coup government, denied receiving campaign funds from the U.S. and suggested the video was a "setup."

Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva "There is a (sniff)setup to damage the image of the country and the (sniff) government," he said in a radio address. “(Sniff) (sniff)”.