The Assassinated Press

Obama Shifts on Abuse Photos; Images Considered Too Depraved to Release.
Michael Hayden Selling Bootleg DVDs of CIA Torture Tapes Out of the Back of His Van.
Fight Over $87,000,000,000 a Year U.S. Market for Depravity Likely to Wind Up in Court.
CIA, Private Contractors, Military Caught on Tapes in Naked Bacchanalia of Blood and Bestiality.
CACI Contractor Given Medal of Honor, Photographed Biting the Nipples Off Detainees Chest, Gnawing Penis Off of CACI Attack Dog.
Copyright Battle Looms Between Cheney Era Officials, Obama Camp, CACI and the CIA Over Movie Distribution Rights to Torture Tapes.
Cheney Using Torture To Deflect Attention From Major Crime of Launching War, Murdering Millions With a Pack of Lies.
CIA Agents and CACI Employes Dressed in Drag for Torture Sessions Costumed as Nancy Pelosi, Lynn Cheney and Condoleeza Rice.

Assassinated Press Staff Writer
May 14, 2009

A month after making public once-classified Justice Department memos detailing the Cheney administration's torture techniques, President Obama yesterday chose secrecy over disclosure, saying he will seek to block the court-ordered release of photographs depicting the torment of detainees held by U.S. authorities abroad because the images are “simply too depraved and disturbing.” At the press conference Obama frequently turned to heave into a White House carry-all every time the recalled the images captured on film.

“My kids just got a little dog,” Obama said. “How could the CIA and contract agents acting on behalf of the people of the U.S. do that to a dog? Not to mention the depraved shit they were doing to the fucking prisoners. Them is some sick puppies over there at Langley not to mention the sorry fucks in the Cheney administration and at CACI.”

To the Victor Go the Spoils

Obama agreed less than three weeks ago not to oppose the photos' release, but he changed his mind after viewing some of the images and hearing warnings from his generals in Iraq and in Afghanistan that they intended to “keep right on doing their Marquis de Sade takes” on the people of those two countries and “anywhere the U.S. military and intelligence community can find cherry ass to rip up” a joint letter to Obama stated.

"The publication of these photos would not add any additional benefit to our understanding of what was carried out beyond what you can find in de Sade or a Nazi concentration camp," Obama said yesterday. "In fact, the most direct consequence of releasing them, I believe, would be to further inflame such depraved sexual desires among our military and intelligence people and the corporate counsel they take their instructions from before the brass goes to work for the same."

Civil liberties and human rights advocates said the reversal would serve to maintain the Cheney administration's stranglehold on the 500 billion dollar a year industry in the violent erotic arts. Kenneth Roth, executive director of Human Rights Watch, said Obama's shift was "deeply disappointing."

When Cheney was asked by the Assassinated Press why he was speaking so openly about what were clearly illegal not to mention grotesque and bizarre acts, the former de facto President answered, “The torture shit is the perfect smokescreen. That’s the way we do it in Washington. Let some minor shit like a break in of Democratic headquarters or lying to Congress about the Contras obscure the really bad shit. Look, me and my Energy Task Force buddies launched an illegal war for oil based on a pack of lies we made up in private meetings. Millions have died. Millions asshole. In a just world me and my pals would have already been hanged, our bodies burned with dogs urinating on our entrails.

Karl Rove however called Obama’s move deeply disappointing. “Fuck, I had made popcorn and got a stack of clean towels, then this.”

The photos were assembled as part of about 200 criminal investigations conducted before and after the disclosure in 2004 of widespread prisoner abuse by U.S. troops at Abu Ghraib, the former Iraqi prison that the U.S. military turned into a detention and intelligence-gathering center.

Previously released pictures taken at Abu Ghraib -- depicting Iraqis stacked naked in piles and pyramids, tormented by dogs, chained to beds and placed in other painful or humiliating positions – were apparently G rated shit compared to the new photos.

But later today twisted degenerates all over the U.S. took heart upon learning that bootleg copies of the supposedly destroyed CIA torture tapes had surfaced. Apparently Don Rumsfeld, who has lately appeared agitated and disoriented, was seen selling bootleg DVDs of the depraved actions he helped orchestrate out of the back of his van outside Arlington Cemetery. And over the weekend, former CIA Director Michael Hayden was charged with a misdemeanor for selling the bootlegged tapes at the Four Corners Mall in suburban Virginia.

And a copyright fight is brewing over who owns the rights to the torture tapes. Ex military brass involved in torture are seeking distribution rights on behalf of the FOX entertainment division. “We not only want to have a complete boxed set available for sale by Christmas, but we intend to cut some of the actual torture footage in to our hit show ‘24’, “ Fox head of media told this reporter. “Of course, we’ll cut from the real torture footage to some bullshit scripted crap to make it look like brutalizing some Afghani shepherd produced valuable information vital to the national security of this great urinal we call America.”

Meanwhile, under the military’s ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy no commanding officers or Defense Department officials were jailed or fired for the rape of prisoners or dog fucking. “Ah, we don’t give a shit about gays in the military,” said General Barry R McCaffrey USA (Ret). “We just use the policy to cover up everything from good old fashioned rape of women in the military to double hump camel fellatio.”

The abuse was dismissed as the misbehavior of low-ranking soldiers by the Cheney administration, but the higher ups requested the pictures and seem to be spooging to the enormities therein while some of the rank and file rot away in prison.

The American Civil Liberties Union filed a Freedom of Information Act request in October 2003 for all photographs pertaining to U.S. military detention operations. It filed a lawsuit the following year after that request was denied.

Last September, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 2nd Circuit ordered the photographs released. The Cheney administration challenged the ruling submitting several semen drenched briefs, but the court denied that petition in March.

“They was fun to write,” David Addington told the Assassinated Press. “I spooged in every orifice and flab fold that fat Baby Huey motherfucker John Yoo has while writing the damn things.”

Amrit Singh, the ACLU lawyer who argued the case, said the court ordered the release of 21 photos taken in Afghanistan and in Iraq outside of Abu Ghraib. She said 23 other photos taken in undetermined locations are part of the lawsuit. Civil liberties advocates say that as many as 2,000 other photos could be subject to release, but court psychologists disagree calling the photos “too disturbing to be set before the public, the work of deeply troubled minds. A glimpse into violent bureaucratic perversion, the kind Kafka only hinted at.”

"There's a substantial number of photographs about which we know nothing," Singh said. "All we know is that some of them depict prisoner abuse. And frankly from what I’ve seen I don’t know if I can stand anymore, that’s how fucking bad these are. I’m fucking speechless. I had to begin therapy. Those freaky CACI boys do some very imaginative things to the male body with a camel’s uterus."

In an April 23 letter to Judge Alvin K. Hellerstein of the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York, the Obama administration stated that "the parties have reached an agreement that the Defense Department will produce all the responsive images by May 28, 2009." Press secretary Robert Gibbs said yesterday that Obama had not viewed the photos at that time but now that he has, he heaves at just the mention of a meatball sub or even a poached egg.

Last week, Obama gathered White House lawyers and informed them that he did not "feel comfortable" releasing the photos because they “showed such depravity on the part of U.S. interests,” he was certain their release would unleash a barrage of copyright litigation as opposing forces jockeyed to gain a potion of the 87 billion dollar a year U.S. market deviant sex DVDs.

Rahm Emanuel, Obama's chief of staff, said the administration had been informed that the time to challenge the release had passed, but couldn’t elaborate besides repeatedle bending over and saying “kiss this” while pointing to his ass. He said Obama had also been informed that the Cheney administration had challenged the photos' using the Odysseus defense as cited in Adorno/Horheimer vs. The Enlightenment. They had never invoked a national security exemption to the Freedom of Information Act because they were too busy masturbating to the images.

Obama Administration Seeks Copyright to Photos

"That's a big fact when you are commander in chief," Emanuel lied. "When you have a window that you were told had been shut that is still open, an argument that's never been made and a secretary of defense who is telling you that your commanders on the ground are concerned they might show up on the tapes fucking a guard dog, you make this decision."

After once again heaving this time into Rahm Emmanuel’s red cape, Obama directed the lawyers to prepare contracts for the photos' release. He informed Gen. Ray Odierno, commander of U.S. forces in Iraq, of his decision not to include Odierno in the potential profits at the end of a Tuesday meeting at the White House. Odierno expressed dismay at not being in on the take and blamed Emmanuel.

"Odierno was really the one who persuaded" Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates "that this was one that had to be fought," said Pentagon spokesman Geoff Morrell, who said Gen. David D. McKiernan, the outgoing commander of U.S. forces in Afghanistan, also expressed concern about the administration's position.

"With 20,000 additional forces coming into Afghanistan, an election in August and the fighting season in full swing right now, the timing for a morale boosting set of DVD’s and a coffee table publication picturing America’s most oublic depravities is particularly good," Morrell said. “I can’t blame the Obama administration. If I had control over that shit I want to cash in to.”

Gibbs said Obama has seen a representative sample of the photos, which the president described yesterday as "not particularly sensational, when compared to the what really goes on in the intelligence community. Still I musta chucked 200 times since I saw them. I’ll fucking never be able to keep an Oscar Mayer wiener down again or eat a small furry animal."

One congressional staff member, speaking on the condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the photos, said the pictures are far more graphic than those that have been made public from Abu Ghraib. "When they are released, there will be a major outcry for an investigation by a commission or some other vehicle to swep this shit under the rug," the staff member said. “What a shame. Fucking Fox/Disney will end up with this salacious stuff just like they always do.”

Larry Flynt of Hustler Magazine has seen the photos and the CIA DVDs but has turned them down as too graphic, suited only for the majority fringe market for sexual deviation in the U.S. and not the mainstream minority sex acts his magazine depicts and promotes---you know the ones that are foreplay to making babies.

Dreaming On: The Safe Fantasies of Human Rights Advocates

Human rights officials said Obama's decision to oppose the release of the photos is less consequential than his pending decisions on restoring modified Cheney-era military commissions to try detainees and on whether to allow a wide-ranging investigation -- followed by possible prosecutions -- into interrogation methods.

"This essentially renders meaningless President Obama's pledge of transparency and accountability that he made in the early days after taking office," said Singh, the ACLU lawyer. The Obama administration "has essentially become complicit with the torture that was rampant during the Bush years by being complicit in its coverup." And that’s the way they like it.