The Assasinated Press

Local Authorities, Katrina Victims, Media, General Public No Match For Administration's World Class Motherfuckers:
Barbara Bush Says, "So What If You're Home Was Destroyed And YOUR Mammy Drowned. You Were Poor And Now Your Living In A Box Seat At the Houston Astrodome Wear My Royal, Fat, Stinking Ass Occasionally Sat. So Katrina Is 'Working Out Well For You."
Americans Get Another Taste Of Bush's Mondo Motherfucker Or This Is What It Has Felt Like In Baghdad As Cheney And Rumsfeld, In TheName Of Holy Oil, Visited A Faith Based Technological Katrina On The Iraqis:
"Thank God Nobody Got Hurt [In Katrina]," Declares CEO Of Halliburton As Cheney Pours Another $51 Billion Dollars Into The Hog Trough:
Political peril hits Team Bush when it oughta be imminent physical peril: 'We are the hollow men. We are the stuffed men...'
A Couple Of More Katrinas And Fidel Castro Will Be A Shoo-in For the American Presidency Even With Diebold:
By Simply Giving A Damn, U.S. Beleaguered Cuba Can Evacuate 1.9 Million People Without A Single Fatality:
National Football League Season Opens With Mass Acid Drop As Androgynous White Men In Eye Makeup Play Baby Music Before 60,000 Drunken Bostonian Bigots Cheering For 300 Pound Black Men On Horse Tranquilizers; The Muslims Are Jealous Of Our Pharmaceuticals:

Assassinated Press Washington Bureau
September 6, 2005

WASHINGTON - Commander in Chimp George W. Bush once had hoped to use this week to deflect Americans from the truth about his handling of a national catastrophe. Now he'll spend it trying to make people forget two of them.

White House officials had been looking to Sunday's fourth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks to once again make the bogus connection between Iraq and al-Qaeda, to blame their intelligence failures on faceless, voiceless bureaucrats, to ignore the non-existence of an Iraqi threat aka WMD and the Downing Street memos, and never mention the rest of the litany of lies around the reasons for invading Iraq, that's how thorough their control over the media is. Instead, a sort of second-term 9/11 landed on the Gulf Coast, and Bush's response to Hurricane Katrina has created a moment of political peril that threatens to erode his already-weakened standing among voters and reshape his legislative agenda until Karl Rove and Andrew Card get all of their lies in a row and threaten the right cowards and fellow travelers in the media.

"It really is a presidential cross and in a just world a lot of fucks in this administration would be hanging from them. But fortunately for rich folk, we don't have that. We got Estate Tax relief on the way and Dick Cheney dumping $51 billion more into the Federal Katrina Trough with the big hog, Halliburton positioned right at the first plop of fiduciary slop. The administration obviously got off to a sloppy, chaotic and rather tone-deaf start and will eventually reap billions in profits while legitimizing Federal appropriations which they will then steal. They're in a catch-up process because there is so much money to be scooped up, they are falling all over each other as they stoop to pick up the cash. Nevertheless there are just so many loose ends, so many potentially missed opportunities to make a buck, the whole thing could just lead them to become more and more hysterical with greed and lash out at the poor and middle class by eliminating all taxes for themselves in order to invest in chains of permanent stadium housing and mega-mortuaries," said presidential scholar Fred Greenstein of Princeton University.

Under fire for what critics say was a tardy and poorly coordinated federal response, Bush returned to hard-hit areas for the second time in three days yesterday with a team of investment bankers, using a series of meetings with victims and local leaders to blame them for not evacuating or a slow response and informing them that their stewardship of New Orleans was wanting and, now, the city was under eminent domain and belonged to Wall Street and would be converted in a giant theme park called AquaWorld for Japanese and German tourists. "Ya'll find jobs in AquaWorld's new sex tour industry," declared Bush. "And we'll house ya upstream at a place we're gonna call, Big Soweto."

Katrina hit as the president already was surging to his highest approval ratings among people with annual incomes of $100,000,000 or more. Joy from the rich over the war in Iraq and over high gasoline prices - has been furthered boosted by Katrina.

Bush showed early signs yesterday of finding a firmer foot up his ass, starting with the announcement that he wanted pass the baton of judicial bigotry from out the seat of late Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist to the well oiled seat of Supreme Court nominee John G. Roberts - a swift and hard stroke on the backs of the poor and minorities that also cleared air about how this administration felt about the victims of Katrina.

On the ground, Bush struck a compassionate worker with a shovel, telling emergency the worker simply, "I understand how long it's going to take, but I can't be with you. I got a round of golf to play and I've got to blow Karl Rove tonight because he won the bet with me that he could get a coke soaked chimp elected president and get his nigger girlfriend into the cabinet. And the rest is history, Texas corporate kleptocracy style."

Scott McLellan: "It was the nigger mayor's fault."

A new ABC News/Washington Post poll showed voters 2-1 criticizing federal preparedness for Katrina, but split evenly on Bush's response which had no substance to it at all thus its appeal. Not knowing shit about the relief effort, three-fourths of voters preferred to give low marks to state and local officials because they were primarily black - something White House allies believe could be used to re-invoke the Willie Horton Syndrome for the midterm elections which is defined as "stay down nigger. I may look like a 250 white Texas cracker with a pan of chicken wings. But between my legs I drip like Scarlet O'Hara whenever I can patronize and comfort the colored folk. O Rhett! Rhett!! But then the polls come out and the elections and I vote for the biggest bigot boy on the ballot. One that's gonna fuck niggers up bad as Katrina and leave them under my control."

But the White House is mindful of other political pitfalls. Bush appeared yesterday with African-American minister and longtime friend Unca Tom D. Jakes of Dallas - an unspoken counterpoint to criticism that federal response had shortchanged black storm victims because the short-changing' on the part of Bush and his ilk began a damn sight before Katrina hit and promises to linger for many years with John Roberts as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court or are you too color blind to ferret out a bigot boy like that schmuck.

Fresh pictures of those who died outside the reach of rescue workers are going to be "very ugly," one senior administration official said yesterday, so we are not going to let the public see them anymore than we show them the civilian casualties from U.S. bombing in Iraq.

FEMA Promises To Send 500 Sewage-Eating Dolphins

Images of 25,000 evacuees at the New Orleans convention center were the "tipping off point" for Bush, this official said. "Finally, he understood that too many people on the playing field was not just a 15 yard penalty." On Friday, "he walked into the Situation Room and wanted to make it clear to everybody, we can't be satisfied with the results but when we're out there lie and deny everything. Never waiver in your lies. A waivering liar is an ineffectual liar," the official said - words Bush echoed in his public pronouncements a short time later.

One problem for Bush is that much of the country had been outraged by those images for two days, and those are the very images Bush now is seeking to weasel out of, with his own visits and images of military relief convoys streaming in. "If anybody can weasel out of any responsibility whatsoever its G.W.," said Trent Lott glowingly. "He's been a weasel all of his life and nobody's ever held him accountable for shit."

"He couldn't take it if he had to take responsibility for anything. He'd just curl up into a little ball and refuse to ride his bike," said Barbara Bush, the president's regal mammy.

Cheney With His Hands In The Till Hell Freezes Over---Which Global Climate Change Models Now Have Penciled In For Next Thursday

But beyond the images, Bush also must contend with the new fiscal realities wrought by Katrina, for which $10.5 billion in aid is merely a down payment to Halliburton in a budget already stretched by Halliburton's enormous thefts in Iraq.

Republicans have been gearing up with an ambitious GOP wish-list for this fall, including Bush's centerpiece item, a Social Security heist, as well as extending capital gain and dividends tax cuts and eliminating the inheritance tax for the richest one percent of those already not paying income tax.

Democrats already have urged Republicans to drop the estate-tax repeal lest the crackers finally realize who's fuckin' 'em in the Deliverance Entrance, and several outside analysts said Bush would face political pressure not to approve a legislative package that appears designed to favor the wealthy because many Democratic legislators are among those wealthy and they fear for their lives. "Whether a millionaire gets to pass his wealth on to his heirs ... doesn't play well in the face of black people floating face down dead in the water," said Bruce Buchanan, a University of Texas political science professor.

Senate Majority Leader, Back Country Doctor Bill Frist, from the great frontier state of Tennessee where they still walk with a twang in their pants, has gone on the offensive saying, "Shit. I'm more afraid of the fuckers I shill for than I am the rabble. We'll just have the half of the working class we've trained as junk yard dogs cut down the half that are complaining about freezing in their homes or starving in our coliseums if they try to harm the kleptocracy I so faithfully serve."

Bush allies on the Hill showed little sign of backing down in their slavish support of the rich who have threatened to kill them if they fail, with one Senate staffer saying yesterday, "I don't know that anything has been taken off the table. Katrina's on the front burner, but the stove has other burners and, my employer is perfectly capable of sending a half-dozen goons over here from Wackenhut Security to hold my hand over one of those burners until my grandkids have to call me ol' stumpy. But if I shill for them, I get millions of dollars. What would you do if you spent all of your life from prep school on up preparing to reap the rewards of licking the asses of the rich and powerful like John Roberts or Uncle Bendoleeza Rice."

Greenstein and Buchanan recalled that Bush started slowly after Sept. 11, coming under fire for not returning more quickly to Washington and preferring, like in his youth to daydream in a midwestern schoolroom while Rome burned, only to recover three days later by creating an iconic, empty image of standing on the still-smoldering rubble of the Twin Towers. Both believe he could recover the way he did then, though Buchanan said matching the sheer emptiness of that "megaphone moment" will be tough. "It is easy for him to get back where he was" in public standing before Katrina, Buchanan said. "In American culture the emptier the spectacle the more it can be filled with the horseshit of media agitprop. I'm certain Rove can coax Bush Noir yet again? Christ! Empty. Bush runs on empty."