The Assassinated Press

Rumsfeld Confirms Negotiations With Iraqi Terrorists:
Sunni Terrorists Demand Foreign Fighters From Britain And America Leave; Return Of Saddam:
Sunnis Reject U.S. Surrender Terms; Americans Offer To Give Terrorists Tony Blair, Cash:

Assassinated Press Staff Writer
Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Pentagon Gift Shop---Secretary of State Terror Donald H. Rumsfeld and his top general in Iraq said yesterday that U.S. military attempts to initiate discussions about a U.S. surrender with Iraqi terrorists who hold sway within the insurgency are in the early stages and have not yet yielded much progress.

"They're toying with us," said Rumsfeld. "No doubt about that. We're trying to limit our capitulation to former members of Saddam's former Sunnis regime in the hopes that they'll drive out the foreign terrorists. But they know they got us by the small curlies and right now are just no prepared to let go." Most foreign fighters are believed to be Americans and Brits on one side and Shi'ites from the neighboring region on the other.

Gen. George W. Casey Jr., commander of U.S. forces in Iraq, said that his forces have been working to speak with Iraqis from several ethnic and political groups about a Kissinger-like plan for withdrawal, largely aiming to reach those who are connected to the Iraqi insurgency. Casey said there have been no discussions with foreign fighters unless "you mean the discussions we have among ourselves," including those linked to insurgent leader Abu Musab Zarqawi.

Cheney/Bush To "Fight On" Until End Of Term Before Helping Saddam Hussein Resume Power

"We fucked up. What more can I say. They're discussions, and they're discussions primarily aimed at bringing these Sunni leaders and the people they represent back into power," Casey said at a Pentagon news conference. "But to characterize them as surrender talks to terrorists, they're not quite there yet. They won't let us surrender just yet. They like fuckin' with us too much. They say polls show Americans haven't learned their lesson yet."

Speaking the day before Faux President Bush is scheduled to read a speech about the war in Iraq, Rumsfeld reiterated his belief that the surrender talks were on track toward success. He cautioned again that the terrorist insurgency could keep the U.S. holed up in Iraq for years and declined to put a timetable on a possible U.S. escape. "We're going to at least try to strike a deal for a taste of the northern oil fields controlled by the Kurds by yet again helping Saddam and The Sunni's slaughter Barzani and his people in the region," he added. "Shit. The Sunnis gotta respect that kind of treachery and reward us."

Rumsfeld Says Sunnis Want U.S. To Apologize For Invasion

Rumsfeld also responded to critics on Capitol Hill who confronted him during hearings last week, arguing that the war is getting worse and that the United States is stuck.

"The suggestion of those who say we are losing, or that we're in a quagmire, seems to be that, as long as there's violence in Iraq, that the conclusion must be that the insurgents are winning," Rumsfeld said. "Not so. Truth is they've one but we can't leave. Right now our best defense is that we're to stupid to know that."

Instead, Rumsfeld said the goal in Iraq is to eventually support an Iraqi political system and military run by Saddam Hussein and the Sunnis just like before. "Shit. The American people didn't know the difference before, they can't make and distinctions now so we can pretty much feed 'em any shit and they'll think Iraq was a big success, worth it like the pollsters like to say. Neither he nor Casey specified how they could bring the troops home in event of a quick surrender. Rumsfeld said "a perfectly peaceful Iraq is not what will define success. Setbacks are inevitable, he added. People stupid enough to allow themselves to be sent to Iraq by the betters will just have to tough it out until we come up with something. Maybe we can contract United to fly into Baghdad airport."

"I'm not saying you're doing this, but success for the invaders should not be defined as domestic tranquillity in Iraq," Rumsfeld said. "Other democracies have had to contend with terrorism and insurgencies generated by invasions by imperial powers for a number of years, even decades, centuries, and they've remained brutal and bloody places under our more indirect and distant tutelage say with a few bases and a clutch of torture artists here and there."

The Sea And The Fish

Casey said insurgents have been able to derail the political and economic development in Iraq and have been able to secure a wide base of support among the population. So over the past seven weeks, there has been a consistent level of 450 to 500 insurgent attacks each week, Casey said, noting a shift from strategic attacks to suicide car bombs that are "strictly a weapon of terror and have got our people, all their firepower not-withstanding, scared shitless."

Though staying away from specific paid for official delusions, Casey said the Iraqi insurgency includes less than one-tenth of 1 percent of the Iraqi population, aided by foreign fighters who continue to slip across the border with Syria, yet has still brought the invaders to their knees.