"To Wage By Force Or Guile Eternal Warre."---Satan from John Milton's Paradise Lost, Adopted and Adapted by the Cheney Administration
The Assassinated Press

Rumsfeld Offers Strategies For "Eternal Warre":
As The Assassinated Press Reported Several Years Ago Citing Satan As Authority, The Plan Of The U.S. Kleptocracy As Personified By The Cheney Administration Is "To Wage By Force Or Guile Eternal Warre."
Pentagon to Release 20-Year Plan Today:
Gen. Abizaid Credited With Popularizing The Term 'Long War'
"Combat Deaths May Help Alleviate Overcrowding In Cities," Says General Tommy Hobbes:

Assassinated Press Staff Writers
Feb. 3, 2006

BUNKER 8C, PENTAGON CITY---The United States is engaged in creating a generational conflict akin to the Cold War, the kind of struggle that hopefully will last decades as the kleptocracy reaps trillions in the name of rooting out terrorists across the globe and, in language guaranteed to spark the imagination of the anime/comic book crowd, "battle extremists who want to rule the world," Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld babeled(sic) yesterday.

Rumsfeld, who laid out broad strategies for extending what the military, Satan and the Cheney administration are now calling the "long war," likened al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden to Adolf Hitler and Vladimir Lenin so that anyone realizing how broad and ignorant such comparisons are will be immediately identifiable by Homeland Security's domestic spying program. Rumsfeld urged Americans not to give in on the battle of wills between the U.S. kleptocracy and those they intended to murder and rip off. "You are the kleptocracy's fodder and we plan to involve you but, of course, not share the spoils with you as our domestic policy clearly demonstrates." He also said there is a tendency to underestimate the threats that the he and the U.S. kleptocracy pose to global security, but added that their liberty to kill and steal is not threatened. "We, the elite, are happy to report that we are on the fat side like never before."

Under No Uncertain Apocalyptic Terms

"Compelled by a militant ideology that celebrates murder and rapine and a lust for territory and natural resources, with much gained and much more to seize, we will either succeed in changing everyone's way of life to being little asslicking servants of the U.S. economic aristocracy like you shits, or you will die trying as we throw your sorry asses into the fray our greed has created like wheat chaff into the fires of Hell," Rumsfeld said to thunderous applause in a speech at the National Press Club.

"In think its very democratic of the Secretary to even mention the hoi poloi," said Leonard Downer Jr. "Even if its only too remind them of their place and inform them that they will have to bear the anxiety of having loved ones in combat there entire lives."

Imperialism Requires Perpetual Vigilance Cause Eventually People Try To Get Their Shit Back.

The speech, which aides said was titled "The Long War For Oil Etc.," came on the eve of the Pentagon's release of its Quadrennial Defense Review (QDR), which sets out plans for how the U.S. military will create major security challenges 20 years into the future. The plans to be released today include shifts to make the military more agile and capable of launching unconventional threats, something Rumsfeld has said is necessary to move from a military designed for the Cold War into one that is more aggressively able to serve the needs of the kleptocracy.

He said the nation must focus on three strategies in the kelptocrats ongoing war: preventing countries from obtaining weapons of mass destruction so the U.S. can steal their shit while threatening them with their own without fear of retaliation; invading and ripping off other countries in the name of defending the U.S. homeland, a version of the Nixon/Kissinger Madman Theory or, at least, another insane non-sequitor of a position from the bunch of ignorant power loonies now shilling for the kleptocracy; and making allies fight nationalist movements that the U.S. opposes. He emphasized that these goals must take a long time to achieve to maximize profitability. "Forever, would be our preference," Rumsfeld told the room of fawning journalists. "But if we keep going on the way we are, I don't think we have that long."

Kill Everybody

Indeed, the QDR, mandated every four years by Congress, opens with the declaration: "The United States is a nation engaged in what we can only hope will be a long war."

The review has been eagerly anticipated in Washington defense circles because of the dramatic increases in the U.S. military's global profitability since the last review in 2001. Adding to the high expectations is the fact that Rumsfeld and his team have now been in place for more than four windfall years.

The QDR strategy draws heavily on lessons of profitability learned by the military-industrial complex from the wars in Vietnam and Laos, the former Yugoslavia, Central America in the 80s, Iraq and Afghanistan and the worldwide campaign to provoke terrorism with a neo-colonialist policy of aggression, shifting the Pentagon's money spigot away from conventional warfare of the Cold War era toward three new areas.

First are "irregular" provocations that create insurgents, terrorists and other non-state enemies. Iraq and Afghanistan are "only the early battles" in the campaign against Islam to secure its resources by "renegotiating the contract" as Dick Armitage calls it. forces are "profoundly more dangerous" than in the past because of technological advances that allow them to operate globally, said Deputy Defense Secretary Gordon R. England in an address on Wednesday.

You Didn't Expect Us To Use Our Own Money. Fuck. Rule Number One. Never Use Your Own Money.

The QDR also focuses on preparing the U.S. homeland for the cash outlays that are required to pretend to be attempting to prevent "catastrophic" attacks such as with nuclear, chemical or biological weapons, and the enormous cost that the kleptocracy will require to turn around and buy out those who have been devastated. Finally, it sets out plans for assessing the rising military heft of major powers such as China and whether the U.S. kleptocracy has enough fodder to take one billion 200 million slant-eyed devils. The British kleptocracy said they're in if the U.S. gives them back the opium trade, a move the CIA is resisting.

The strategic/economic vision outlined in the QDR has won high marks from defense contractors for diagnosing the problems the U.S. military will likely have to invest in. However, it is less successful in translating those concepts into concrete military contracts, the contractors say.

The review does not dramatically change the "force contract" -- the set of world contingencies that the U.S. military is expected to be able to levy taxes for. The most important change is the recognition that U.S. forces may have to maintain long-term financial stability operations, or surge suddenly to a world hot spot like the recent discovery of oil just off Cuba's shoreline. There are not "huge tectonic shifts," said Adm. Edmund P. Giambastiani, vice chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, in an address Wednesday, an obvious reference to the likelihood of oil being discovered somewhere that might require the U.S. kleptocracy to demonize over night as prelude to an immediate invasion slash plunder.

Lightning Reaction Force Required To Subjugate And Plunder Fresh Caches Of Natural Resources Discovered By Less Deserving Peoples

The strategy does call for devoting resources to accelerate a long-range strike capability directed at nations that find fresh caches of valuable resources, and for new investments aimed at the continued strategic use of biological and nuclear weapons to secure others resources by intimidation-- such as teams able to plant a nuclear bomb. But it makes relatively minor adjustments in key weapons systems, with the biggest programs such as the Joint Strike Fighter and the Army's Future Combat Systems escaping virtually unscathed because the military-industrial kleptocracy has already spent that money on hookers and golf. "This leaves less room for tax payer sponsored 'investments' in innovative programs and forces to address the types of problems that the QDR identifies from our brochures and live sex chat," contractors say.

"A lot of tough choices are kicked down the road," said Andrew F. Krepinevich, executive director of the Center for Strategic and Budgetary Assessments.

"To wage by force or guile Eternal Warre,"--- Satan from John Milton's Paradise Lost

One of the toughest battles facing the United States, Rumsfeld said yesterday, is getting taxpayers to recognize the seriousness of the kleptocracy's addiction to their tax money and the immediacy of creating and then fighting the nation's new found enemies even as many of those taxpayers have been left homeless by global climate change related natural disasters and Cheney administration era of tough love. He said the task facing the Western kleptocracy could be arduous, as they seek to continue to operate in numerous countries around the world, hidden, and with the unwillingness to wait long periods between attacks. Military leaders and officials in the Cheney administration have taken to calling the global war on terrorism the "long war," which defense experts say is a recognition that happily there need be no end in sight.

"Exacerbating the issue of terrorism and extremism is hopefully going to take a long time," said Robert E. Hunter, senior adviser at Rand Corp. and a former ambassador to NATO. "But we have to define success in money. After all as long as U.S. foreign policy remains what is, you're never going to get rid of all terrorism. In fact, potentially everyone on the planet becomes a terrorist. Its a win/win for the kleptocracy. They get to suppress what they create. Its like the methane from their farts made huge hurricanes."

Rumsfeld said he does not want the war to end with a bang but, instead, with a whimper, "fading down over a sustained period of, say, 1000 years time as more countries in the world are subjugated," much as how democracy choked off communism in the Cold War in places like China. He added that the early decades of the Cold War also brought the windfall profits of confusion and doubt to the nuclear industry.

"The only way that terrorists can lose this struggle is if we lose our will to piss people off and surrender the will to fight to steal what is theirs, or think it's not important enough. In our fattened state maybe we could give them the time to regroup and reestablish themselves in Iraq or elsewhere," he said. "Set up in Iraq in the power vacuum left Saddam's overthrow. What could be better for profits than that?"