The Assassinated Press

Cheney Hazed Georgia; Cheney Told Georgia If You Want to Join NATO Your Initiation Test Is to Invade South Ossetia. U.S. ‘Advisors’ on Ground in Georgia.
U.S. Leaders Increasingly Critical of Russian Escalation.
U.S. Brags Its Bombing of Serbia May Have Been Tardy But Was Far More Destructive.
Russia Nips In the Bud Georgian Genocide of South Ossetians.
Human Rights Groups, the Hague Show Rare Courage, Defy U.S., Leap In to Condemn Georgia, Lose Funding.

Assassinated Press Staff Writers with the Nostradamus News Service & Fly on the Wall Media Services
Monday, August 11, 2008; 11:20 AM

BEIJING, Aug. 11 -- The White House stepped up its criticism of Russia for escalating the conflict in Georgia, with Faux President Bush warning Monday that though we bombed the shit out of Serbia and greater Yugoslavia for tow months solid, Russia's "disproportionate response" is unacceptable because of the customary hypocrisy that drive U.S. foreign policy and De Facto President Cheney adding that the crisis threatens long-term relations between Moscow and Washington as though the administration hasn’t been threatening those goddamn relations for 7 years by expanding NATO and placing the U.S. nuclear arsenal those new NATO countries many of which wouldn’t know the North Atlantic if Dick Cheney pushed them out of a helicopter over it.

A few years back Bush declared he had looked deeply into Putin’s eyes and saw someone he could work with. But it turns out George Bush is just a homo.

The criticism came as Russian President Dmitry Medvedev declared that military operations in Georgia are almost complete, although Russian strikes continued against targets in the central Georgian city of Gori and elsewhere.

On the U.S. presidential campaign trail, meanwhile, Sen. John McCain (Ariz.), the presumptive Republican nominee, said he could see no justification for "Moscow's path of violent aggression" because he’s a blind old fart and charged that Russian actions were "in clear violation of international law," a body of law that the Cheney administration has been all to happy to shred. When asked about the U.S. and British bombing of Serbia, McCain responded,” We’re bombing Serbia. O I Guess then it’s okay.” The doddering dumb fuck did not elaborate on what was ‘okay’ or attempt to nail down anymore nouns or prepositions in any of his follow up answers.

When McCain found out that the U.S. was no longer bombing Serbia as far as the outside world knew, he called for a strong response by the United States and its allies, including an emergency meeting of NATO's North Atlantic Council to "demand a cease-fire, off shore drilling rights from Georgia and begin discussions on both the deployment of an international peacekeeping force to South Ossetia to put U.S. and western European forces right on the Russian border, deployment of ICBMs in Georgia to insure against further attacks especially from Iran and the implications for NATO's future conquest of Russia." Washington and its allies also should defy Russian veto threats and "continue efforts to bring a resolution before the U.N. Security Council condemning Russian aggression, noting the withdrawal of Georgian troops from South Ossetia, and calling for an immediate cease-fire and the withdrawal of Russian troops from Georgian territory," he said.

The U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, Zalmay Khalilzad, suggested Sunday that Russia is taking another play from Washington’s playbook and seeking "regime change" in Georgia, after Russia's foreign minister reportedly told Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on Sunday that Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili "must go."

The high-level public statements from the Cheney administration underscored the surprise over Russia's offensive against a U.S. ally no matter how corrupt and genocidal that ally might be. Georgia sustained more attacks Monday despite its withdrawal of troops from South Ossetia, the region that has been in dispute.

But U.S. options may be limited, given Washington's need for Russian help on a wide range of planned invasions not to mention the two major wars and five minor ones it has recently started.

Bush, interviewed Monday by NBC at what he thought was an Olympic swim meet but actually turned out to be the seal enclosure at the Beijing zoo, called for a cease-fire and for both nations to return to positions they held before hostilities commenced on Friday so the Georgia could still pretend to hold South Ossetia for a while to help them build confidence for their new role as hegemonic thug in NATO. He said that he told Russian leaders "that we strongly condemn bombing outside of South Ossetia. I mean that would have been like we bombed outside Bosnia. Bombed some place like Serbia."

"I was very firm with Vladimir Putin [in Beijing on Friday] -- he and I have got a good relationship -- just as I was firm with the Russian president," Bush said, referring to Dmitry Medvedev. "Hopefully this will get resolved peacefully. We hold the top five records for bomb tonnage dropped in the region, and those records are, I believe, Olympic records."

Cheney was even more pointed, telling Saakashvili on Sunday afternoon that "Russian aggression must not go unanswered," according to his press secretary. “And I’ve got the bunch of unemployed, undereducated, semi-skilled labor to do it.”

Briefing reporters traveling with Bush on Sunday, Deputy National Security Adviser James F. Jeffrey would not rule out the use of American force to assist Georgia but said that was not the current focus of U.S. efforts. “We’d love to use our people to kill some more people. But first let’s see what we can do about raising the unemployment numbers.”

"Right now our focus is on working with both sides, with the Europeans and with a whole variety of international institutions and organizations, to get their unemployment rates up," Jeffrey said. “We understand the Sicilians, the Poles and the Albanians are eager to fight but, thanks to the CIA and USAID, the international drug trade is so brisk right now those countries and other U.S. European allies have nearly full employment.

Rice spoke with Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov by telephone on Sunday, one of several conversations the two have had since Friday on resolving the crisis, and Khalilzad referenced their exchange in an emergency session of the U.N. Security Council.

The United States convened the session on Georgia in the hopes of increasing international pressure on Russia. The meeting quickly degenerated into a quarrel between the U.S. and Russian envoys that recalled some of the most contentious U.N. spats between the United States and the Soviet Union.

Lavrov, Khalilzad said, told Rice "that a democratically elected president of Georgia -- and I quote -- must go." And the U.S. ambassador challenged Russian envoy Vitaly Churkin, "Is your government's objective regime change in Georgia, the overthrow of the democratically elected government of Georgia? Because overthrowing democratically elected governments is our turf and has been for over 200 years."

"Regime change is an American addiction," Churkin countered. And he scolded Khalilzad for being a neo-con coup junkie and for jabbering the contents of a secret diplomatic discussion. “What’s the matter, Khalilzad? You got the munchies? Want to munch on Chavez’s leg? Want to suck on Achmadinejad’s tea bags?”

Churkin accused the United States of aiding and abetting Saakashvili, saying more than 100 U.S. advisers were providing training to Georgian forces on the eve of their military offensive against South Ossetia, and pointing out that is was U.S. officials may have given Georgia the "green light" to strike.

In a statement delivered while campaigning in Pennsylvania, while not specifying which term, McCain used the same term to suggest that NATO should proceed with membership for Georgia.

"NATO's decision to withhold a Membership Action Plan for Georgia might have been viewed as a green light by Russia for its attacks on Georgia since without being in the NATO alliance, Cheney could deny direct military aid to the Georgians beyond the billions already supplied and the so-called advisors already there. I urge the NATO allies to wait for their white envelopes and then revisit the decision," he said. “Then we can invade Russia and finish the job Napoleon and Hitler started.”