The Assassinated Press

US Chamber of Commerce Study Warned Muslim Brotherhood Were ‘Poor Consumers.’
At June 16th meeting 16 US corporate heads that receive hundreds of millions in credits for providing Egyptian foreign aid complained to Obama about lack of arms, pornography, men’s designer thongs in a Morsi run Egypt.
Will the Egyptian Military be Content to Play Washington’s Proxy in Destruction of Brotherhood?

By DANK E. WANK
The Assassinated Press
7/22/13

While on tour of the Midwest in June, President Obama was summoned to a meeting hosted by the CEOs of 16 of the major beneficiaries of foreign aid to Egypt. From arms dealers like Boeing and Lockheed, to consumer tech grifters like Microsoft and Apple, to cosmetics giants like Proctor and Gamble and L’Oreal to hog butchers and liquor companies like Smithfield and Brown Foreman to gargantuan construction firms like Bechtel and Fluor to brokerages that don’t make anything except imaginary money that they then steal, everybody was at the table which took on the air of a long mahogany trough.

Amazon CEO and NASA scrap metal enthusiast opened the meeting with scathing indictment of the Muslim Brotherhhood. “These people just do not value consumption. Our Christmas sales to Egypt were dismal this year. For some unexplainable reason they’re never that good anyway, but this Morsi! You fuckers in DC are going to have to do something about the Muslim Brotherhood or Amazon is going to need a bigger piece of Egyptian foreign aid so we can continue to control the world’s population with our ‘cloud’ technology. Oops. Lost your file. I now own the Washington Post and you better fuckin’ believe I’ll hammer home my money agenda.”

Marillyn Hewson, CEO of Lockheed Martin took Obama by the scruff of his neck and forced his face into her crotch. “Is that the smell of napalm in the morning? You bet it is, my little honky/darkey. That’s the smell I want to suffocate Egypt and the Muslim Brotherhood. Got it?”

CEO of JP Morgan Chase attempted to lighten the mood by tossing $700 trillion of worthless derivatives in to the air shouting ‘free money’. But there were no takers.

Nike CEO, Mark Parker said “I don’t get it. We pay these Egyptian kids 12 cents an hour and still they don’t buy Nike shoes. It must be the scourge of religion. I’m not talking Christian religious shit. We pay Salvadoran kids 8 cents an hour and still they’ll cut your throat for a pair of Nikes. Here in the US it costs at least minimum wage to get your throat cut for a pair of Nikes. It’s the bottom line that counts and if sometime that corresponds to the chalk line around a body lying in the street so be it. And fuck Allah. These Muslim Brotherhood kids should be worshiping Lebron, Kobe and Michael like our good Christian kids do.”

Obama answered, “ In know you are concerned about your money. We all are. And you’re going to get it. If we declare sanctions against Egypt for the coup against Mors, we’ll shift your credits to Saudi Arabia, Bahrain and Qatar. Saudi Arabia has already put out the PR that they will put up aid to our butcher buddies in the Egyptian military, so you just supply them with whatever you feel your contract calls for and we’ll pay you right in time. No prob. Hey, cam any of you put up Mubarak for a few months? Just until the Arab Winter sets in.


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