The Assassinated Press

Secret Memo from David Koch to Charles Koch Outlines the Differences between the Tea Party and the Wall Street Protestors. "This ain't the conformist, racist Tea Party pussies. We sure as shit can't co-opt these Wall Street protestors."

The Assassinated Press

WICHITA, KAN. --- The following memo from David Koch to his brother Charles was sent anonymously to the Assassinated Press on October 11th. The memo, dated Oct.8, 2011, outlines Mr. Koch’s thoughts on the Wall Street protests and compares them to the Tea Party.

“Dear Charles,

First, thanks for the Knipschildt chocolates. I know they must have set you back at least $10,000 a box because I send one to my mistress in Dallas every Valentine’s Day. Just one four pound box though. I don’t want the mulatto twat and mother of my children to get too fat.

I’ve been watching the coverage of the Wall Street protests on FOX News. Given the level of genuine threat these protests pose, I find FOX’s counterattack unconvincing and puerile.
The Wall Street protests are not susceptible to the same race baiting that quickly brought the Tea Party movement into our fold. They cannot be co-opted at this level. Crates of Buffalo Wings and Coors Catpiss won’t do it either.
FOX’s reporting, especially Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly, misses the mark when it calls the Wall Street protesters a gang of dirty, drug dealing hippies.
No Tea Party advocate wants to believe that there that many dirty, drug dealing hippies in New York, or the country or the world for that matter. They like to think that their bathtub meth is the Number One drug of choice for America today.

Job Creators

And why question that. Our do- it-yourself meth lab kits are flying out of our Mena, Arkansas plant.

And with our intentional fuck up on Wall Street that shit should become even more popular. It certainly has kept the weight of the population down, at least the birth weight. See. Greed is good and many good acts are the unintentional result of greed.

On top of that, despite O’Reilly’s and Hannity’s claims of perpetual drug abuse, the Wall Street protestors are far more articulate than our Tea Party rank and file.

I know, you have a Tanzanian warthog that’s more articulate than the average Tea Party congressman. That one’s getting a little stale, Charles.

The time for using literacy and intelligence as a prod to keep our Tea Party people in line is over.

The fact that the Wall Street protestors are being beaten and arrested attests to the seriousness of the situation and authenticity of their cause.

We sent armed Tea Party members to rallies and the police protected, even coddled them. That’s the kind of movement we want. One that can easily be controlled. One that defacto polices itself by not doing anything that threatens the status quo.

The fact that we didn’t have the Tea Party generally beaten and arrested by police was a tactical error on our part. We should have instructed police forces in Washington and elsewhere to wail on a few Tea Party demonstraters when we had the chance. Maybe kill a few.

Second Amendment Remedies and Snake Oil

Michelle Bachmann had the right idea; threaten to use the guns of the Tea Party and by extension the NRA if the nigger loving Obama people, but more importantly the nigger loving general public, refused to capitulate to the demands of corporations and Wall Street.

The ‘Obama people’ are politicians. They are de facto easily co-opted. Not so the Wall Street demonstrators. They realize they’ll get nothing if they capitulate except perhaps prison.

That infantile blow hard, Ted Nugent, has called me three times in the past week beggong us to create an armed insurgency comprised of Right Wing Militias representing the Tea Party before it is too late.

He said, “Fuck Dave! We have to steal back the thunder from these Wall Street protesters! There making us look bad. They make the Teat(sic) Party look like a bunch of bought off pussies. Tea Party my ass. More like Tea and Crumpets on Lace Doillies Party, motherfucker!”

He told me Hank Williams Junior was on board and already taking to calling himself Jubal Early Jr. Do you think the racial component in such an insurgency will hurt or help us? To close to call?

When It Comes to Class Warfare the Rich Are Truly Classy.

I’ve always admired the way jay Gould twisted the real politique of class warfare when he said, “I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.”

That’s what Morgan Stanley’s security force the NYPD headed by Mike ‘Blackjack’ Bloomberg is doing in New York. Who needs Blackwater/Xe when you can hire the local police at a fraction of the cost?

For an asshole of gaping proportions, I have to admit Nugent’s idea is intriguing too. We should be able to get the NRA on board. We stage a few armed rallies.

Then we force a few gun battles with local police. Maybe plant a shooter among the Tea Party or maybe the police. We control both.

A few black and Mexican bystanders are unfortunately killed. And the media scurries to the sight where’s there’s the most blood.

Cold Dead Hands

The national debate shifts to the Second Amerndment. Our base is re-energized. Cold dead hands shit.

And everybody goes back to forgetting we and our bankster buddies are fucking them in the ass.

Once again the gratitude for our lies and machinations will be deafening as the delusions of the Great American Bald Lemming willed be preserved in the conformist nonsense of Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly.

A movement where no one believes a word of what they say they believe in order to preserve their delusions about what once was but in fact never existed is truly an extraordinary phenonemon. I ponder it like I ponder the stars, one more astonishing than the other.

But right now I can’t make any money off the fucking stars. So fuck that. Let me rip off gullible hicks like an aluminum siding salesman in Whoville.

This could lead to a new National Socialist Movement with corporate power running everything but without the input of government much less the people. We are so close.

We need to get back to that before too many people snap out of their stupor and turn their guns on us.

Charles. Sorry, I went on so long. But I wanted to share my concerns. I guess the key is the NRA. As goes the NRA. So goes the country.

Your loving brother, David

P.S. Thanks for the pepperoni