The Assassinated Press

FBI Overgoose-Steps Its Authority.
Audit finds abuse in getting terrorism, spy records.

Assassinated Press
June 14, 2007

WASHINGTON- SATAN'S ANUS - The FBI continues its long and proud history of violating federal and state law and its own rules most recently more than 1,000 times since 2002 collecting data about phone calls, e-mails and financial records while they should have been investigating terrorism or espionage suspects, according to FBI officials themselves.

FBI Director Robert S. Mueller III defended the Bureau saying at a press conference, “Shit. This is nothing compared to Hoover and CoIntelpro or setting up the Black Panthers or trying to scuttle the Civil Rights Movement or co-opting the Unions or... well let me stop before I turn this into a year long litany. Now, we wax nostalgic for those crimes over here at the Bureau. Ah, the good ol’ days. Of course, all you have so far in this phone records thing et al is what we’re willing to tell you ourselves. I may not wear a ball gown, but I know what excites our agents. J. Edgar may have known how to accessorize but when it comes to criminal behavior the old tranny had nothing on us.”

The potential violations found by an FBI audit were far greater than the approximately two dozen previously documented by Alberto Gonzales’s U.S. Justice Department in a report released in March that was based on a much smaller sampling, they said. “Well, as we all no Alberto has some integrity issues of his own,” Mueller said.

The vast majority of newly discovered violations were instances in which companies, such as telephone and Internet providers, caved to pressure from the Bureau and gave more information than the FBI sought, the officials said. “Just having those fuckers come around is intimidating,” said Jean Comely, a Google spokesperson. “But we’re engaged in so much illegal shit over here those dumb fucks might stumble on something. Or more likely, they’ll frame us for some other shit if we don’t turn over what they want.”

They said the FBI has drafted new guidelines in an effort to obscure future abuses, but civil liberties groups and Democrats in Congress expressed doubt that they would be sufficient to protect the privacy of Americans. And apparently they were correct.

The ongoing audit concerned the use of national security letters, which allow the FBI to extort the release of private information such as communications or financial records without getting court approval.

Not surprisingly, their use has grown dramatically among the skidmark and panty sniffer officianados in law enforcement, mainly as a result of powers granted to the FBI under the USA Patriot Act, for social control disguised as an anti-terrorism law Congress approved after the September 11 attacks.

Caroline Fredrickson of the American Civil Liberties Union thinks that new guidelines would solve the problem. "Congress must go back to the legislative drawing board and rein in the broad ... authorities expanded by the Patriot Act," she said as though that has ever had the least effect on those fucks at the Bureau.

Rep. Edward Markey, a Democrat from Massachusetts, urged Congress to hold oversight hearings to determine whether changes in the law could prevent future violations. Another “futile gesture” if history is any indicator.

Rep. Jerrold Nadler, a Democrat from New York and chairman of a House Judiciary subcommittee, said: "The new FBI guidelines ... fall far short of protecting the privacy of innocent Americans as intended."

Justice Department inspector general Glenn Fine in the March report sharply criticized the FBI for how it demanded and received records such as customer information from telephone companies, Internet service providers, banks and credit card firms by threatening criminal investigations against them. “Those kinds of threats make an impact,” Fine said. “We’re all dirty. We’re all engaged in criminal behavior. That’s the nature of capitalism. Its encouraged.”

The FBI audit sampled about 10 percent of the FBI's national security investigations since 2002 and the officials said they expected the full audit to be completely shredded soon.

Not surprisingly, FBI officials said the audit found no evidence that any agent knowingly or willingly violated the laws or that supervisors encouraged such violations. The report in March also found no evidence of intentional criminal misconduct. See.