The Assassinated Press

Plans to Encase Ebola Struck Texas in a Two Mile Thick layer of Calcified Horse Shit Goes Forward.
Lone Star State Deemed Too Stupid to Live.

The Assassinated Press

There's is no denying it, Texas leads the Union in Stupid. And with contenders like Kansas, the state the Koch Brothers bankrupted, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, South Carolina etc. thatís fuckiní sayiní somethiní.

I mean the state is de facto last in intelligence trailing all of the others in high school diplomas yet its politicians and potentates vehemently deny the existence of evolution even as its preachers drag their knuckles up to podium with their tails held in place with their garters.

Texas executes more people including a healthy number of innocent ones than any other state. There has to be a large number of innocent people in the ranks of the state sanctioned murdered because Texans are too stupid to even hold high school diplomas perfect for jury pools for vindictive, ambitious and racist prosecutors, legislators and judges.

Texas ranks last in voter registration. Who wants to vote for a guy who was too stupid and unmotivated to finish high school? Then again look at a couple of its recent patrician governors like G.W. Bush and Rick Perry. Makes you want to rethink that evolution thing all over again doesnít it not to mention Ivy League schools.

And Texas ranks last in health care. No surprise there. While health care organizations all around the globe including West Africa are able to keep their workers safe from the latest outbreak of Ebola, Texas already has two homegrown cases among its non-union, right to work health care staff. That would be the equivalent of 34,000 health care workers becoming infected with Ebola throughout the afflicted regions in Africa.

Donít the good people of Texas know that one of the major reasons for untimely deaths on this planet is virus known as Stupid. If you shoot yourself in the foot your drinking buddies in other States are bound to call you stupid and have a good laugh.

Stupid on the monumental scale of Texas needs to be contained. A two mile thick layer of calcified horse shit over the entire state seems the only reasonable course of action to stop the level of Stupid, Texas has displayed.

Just donít look up Texans. This wonít hurt a bit. And you can be damn sure it doesnít hurt as much as Ebola.