The Assassinated Press

Foreign Automakers Choose Southern States Because They Most Resemble the Third World.
Last in Income, Education, Health Care, Poverty, Mortality, Social Services, Nutrition and Intelligence Foreign Investors Flock to Exploit Stupidity and Gullibility of the South.
“Fuck, the Shiteating Crackers in My Godforsaken State if They Aren’t Fucking Smart or Courageous Enough to Look Out for Their Own Self-Interest Like The Big Money Boys. They’re Too Chicken Shit to Vote Fucking Union,” Sen. Richard Shelby, R-Ala. Reassures Foreign Automakers.

The Assassinated Press

Foreign automakers now account for well over 40% to 50% of the auto making jobs in the country, with most of their factories and jobs located in the southern states for one big obvious reason: The work force is a bunch of ignorant, easily exploited and cowardly motherfuckers.

“Bare foot and pregnant, that’s how we fucking like them on the shop floor. Dumb as doorposts ,” declared Mitch McConnell, R-Ky. “I know the southern cracker mind if you can even call it a mind. You tell the fuck he’s better off than some peasant beaner in Guatemala or send his stinkin’ ass to fight a war in some relative backwater like Afghanistan and he comes home thinking $12.00 bucks an hour and football and Southern comfort on weekends if he don’t gotta pull no asswipe overtime free double shift as fucking Nirvana. He’s the ideal victim for the new Global economy—hard up and stupid.”

“And fuck, they even paid for their own jobs through their goddamn taxes. When you figure in how fucked up and impoverished every aspect of life is around here, it becomes obvious they will never earn back in salaries and social services what they paid in taxes to relocate the foreign automakers,” said Sen. Bob Corker, R-Tenn. “Dupes, dopes, both. Depends how you think about people so willing to be victimized by their betters. Who live in in the part of America that’s just a cunt hair from becoming a backwater the U.S. has been fucking pounding on for 200 years like the Dominican Republic or Nicaragua or even Haiti.”

“We don’t give a shit about shifting jobs to the South,” continued Shelby. “In the long term we don’t even give a shit about the UAW. Our goal is too make all of America a shithole for most so it can be a paradise for the fucking few. Its called downward harmonization and what you’re seeing now is a process started 40 years ago and greatly accelerated by so-called free trade agreements or, as we like to call them in the kleptocracy, long hot pokers up the ass of the world’s workers.”

“All you fucks in the rest of the country have to do is trust in god and your betters the way southerners have for centuries. Trust that the rich folk won’t fuck the poor. Southerners have a long history of doing this usually invoked as tradition and, as a consequence of giving up their freedom and self-reliance are in the vanguard of moving America toward a future of impoverishment for the many and the enrichment of the few.”

"Now, lets bow our heads and pray to Jesus those heathen kamikaze's at Toyota or those Nazi's at BMW won't fuck us."