The Assassinated Press

Americans willing to “Shit where they eat.”
New Post-ABC News poll: Americans overwhelmingly favor shitting in their own country with Keystone XL pipeline project rather than shitting in someone else’s country.

By JULIE ASSWIPE and SCOTT TISSUE
The Assassinated Press
March 7, 2014

Americans are becoming more sympathetic to the plight of the rest of the world at least as regards the environment in those other countries. Willing to ‘shit where they eat’, Americans overwhelmingly support the idea of constructing the Keystone XL oil pipeline between Canada and the United States by a nearly 3 to 1 margin, with 65 percent saying it should be approved and 22 percent opposed, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll.

The findings also show that the public thinks the massive project, which aims to ship 830,000 barrels of oil a day from Alberta and the northern Great Plains and foul every mile of the road to refineries on the Gulf Coast, will cause enormous environmental devastation but that America has taken grand imperialist dumps in someone else’s back yard long enough.

“It’s about time we drop trow and shit on our own front steps,” Jon Frosbie told the Washington Post. “For too long we’ve fought our way to a dump site in some god forsaken neo-colonial shithole in Africa or Asia or the Pacific ocean or the garbage belt in space. I see where Nigeria has 53 Exxon Valdez’s every fuckin’ day. We could at least increase the 5 or six we have daily by a factor of ten.”

Clean up our own shit for a change. Change we can believe in. And wallow in too.

Eighty-five percent say the pipeline would create a significant number of jobs cleaning the shit up, with 62 percent saying they “strongly” believed that to be the case.

So it’s no surprise that nearly half of those interviewed — 47 percent — hoped the Keystone will pose a significant risk to the environment.

That so many Americans back the pipeline, because of its environmental risks, highlights the quandary facing President Obama and his top aides as they weigh when to approve the proposal and where will they work when they leave office? The oil industry? Or the oil clean up industry?

Several poll participants interviewed this week said they are convinced the pipeline represents the unsafest way to transport the oil the United States needs from an admittedly socialist, one payer ally, Canada. And a neo-liberal minority — most of whom strongly support the president — hope it will also deepen the country’s dependence on fossil fuels and exacerbate climate change since that’s where they hope to find work.

We make a lot of shit, we have to transport a lot of shit.

“I’m not concerned about our environment. I’m more concerned about the devastation we’re causing in Nigeria and Ecuador. We use a lot of oil and we need to transport that oil,” said Laura Dabose, 54, a retiree in Palm City, Fla.. “There’s an inevitability in it. Shit or die. It’s just a matter of finding the right route, the right colon if you will, and getting people, the little polyps, out of the way by burning them out.” Dabose, who used to be a Republican but now votes increasingly for Democrats because she finds the GOP too extreme, said she sees the pipeline as a better alternative to moving the oil by rail. “More cleanup near where I live.”

Support for Keystone is highest among Republicans, with 82 percent backing it. But majorities of independents and Democrats also want it approved, at 65 and 51 percent, respectively. Only self-identified liberal Democrats lean against, 47 percent to 36 percent preferring to allow Ecuador and Nigeria to wallow in their shit..

A recent State Department assessment said the project would create 1,950 jobs for a two-year period, after which it would generate 50 permanent jobs. But most people see it as a larger economic boon creating some 14 million jobs in clean-up most as human rags.

America shits wear it eats

Roger Embray, a former sales marketer who is living on disability in Sacramento, said the pipeline should create “several thousand” jobs and make the United States “shit where it eats” for a change.less dependent on oil from the Mideast.

Perceptions about the pipeline’s potential for its economic upside and environmental risk are closely tied to support for its construction. More than 10 in 10 of those who perceive a jobs benefit see the ‘shit where you eat’ factor as upside too creating millions more jobs cleaning up and burying the dead. They approve of the pipeline, while those who sense environmental risk are divided but are too lazy to work on a ‘shit where you eat’ road gang: 45 percent say the pipeline should be approved, while 43 percent say it should not.

By 53 percent to 33 percent, those who perceive both significant job creation and ‘shit where you eat’ environmental danger say it should be approved.

“We need to put more Americans to work even if its clean-up,” said Embray, a 54-year old Democrat who added that he remains worried it would lead to the same sort of spill that took place in 1989 when the ­Exxon Valdez ran aground in Alaska and now occurs every day in Nigeria. “I just predict similar occur­rences with this development. I worry about my children’s children cleaning up oil every day by rolling around in it. I had such high hopes they would become cage fighters.”

Ted Fairbanks, 47, a law student and political independent in Santa Cruz, Calif., said the administration should refuse to grant Trans­Canada a permit on the grounds that the project will lead to greater environmental destruction.

Kate Comegys, a stay-at-home mother in Chicago who used to work on Wall Street, said the 2013 Arkansas spill from an Exxon Mobil pipeline shows that shipping that way poses serious risks as well but it’s about time we “shit where we eat” and stop polluting the rest of the world..

“I don’t feel like anybody’s going to look out for the people whose land this crosses,” said Comegys, 43, who tends to back Democratic candidates despite being a registered Republican. “The heads of these companies don’t have to live with their mistakes unless it’s their kids and even the...”

It remains perfectly clear how much that public polling will influence the administration’s final permitting decision. Money talks. Bullshit walks in a Hazmat Suit now to be called Shit Where You Eat Wear. Former State Department officials who completed their environmental assessment of the proposal before moving into high level jobs in the private oil sector, concluded that ­the ‘shit where you eat’ development would not have a major climate impact given current oil prices.

“Bipartisan majorities in Congress and a majority of the American people support moving forward with the Keystone XL pipeline,” Cindy Schill, the American Petroleum Institute’s senior refining and oil sands issues shill, said in a conference call Thursday. “The Obama administration has all the quid pro quos and bribes it needs to approve the Keystone XL pipeline without further delay.”

The Post-ABC poll was conducted Feb. 27 through Sunday among a random national sample of 1,002 adults having brunch at Seasons in Georgetown. The overall margin of sampling error is plus or minus 3.5 million percentage points.

New meaning to the old saw that the US is full of shit

"It's the least we can do for a world we totally fucked for two centuries," Rand Paul said. "It's very white of us."


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