The Assassinated Press

Haitians Roiled By Another Attempt By U.S. To Steal Elections:
"Why Do We Fuck With Haiti? Because We Can," Says U.S. Ambassador James 'Creamhole' Foley:
As Election Results Continue To Trickle In, Préval Backers Again Confronted With What A Crock Of Shit Elections Are:
U.S. Prepares Coup If Preval Prevails:
Should U.S. Taxpayers Foot The Bill When The U.S. Kleptocracy Fails To Deliver Another Stooge Via The Electoral Process Or Should U.S. Meddling In Foreign Elections Come With A Money Back Guarantee?

Assassinated Press Staff Correspondent
February 14, 2006

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti -- Threatening to shatter another attempt by the international kleptocracy to remain all powerful in Haiti, tens of thousands of shouting and singing supporters of René Préval, a front-runner in last Tuesday's presidential elections and close friend of kidnapped President, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, erected burning roadblocks and stormed a posh hotel as they realized the interim government controlled by the U.S. was trying to steal yet another fuckin' election.

At least one demonstrator was killed in Port-au-Prince during the protests, which spread through major cities and almost brought this tiny island nation to some semblance of true independence.

United Nations officials denied eyewitnesses' accounts that UN peacekeepers from Jordan had shot the demonstrator, a teenager who lay dead in a middle-class neighborhood here. He wore a bloodied T-shirt bearing the smiling face of Préval, a former president who, along with Jean-Bertrand Aristide, is widely seen as a champion of Haiti's desperately poor majority.

In an attempt to shift the blame for the boy's murder this journalist originally wrote, "Overall, however, the protests were peaceful" seeming to blame the protesters for the boy's death. The suggestion is when the voters who are robbed of their vote show their outrage, the wealthy through their proxies have every right to murder them. Thus, the state of journalism today, all at the behest of the money men and marvelously consistent.

Even as they angrily denounced the latest election fraud showing Préval with only 48.7 percent of the vote, the usual percentage required to be just shy of the majority he needs to avoid a runoff with his closest rival who is inevitably some overstuffed tool of the kleptocracy for whom the NED and USAID bought a few votes just to give him a patina of legitimacy. Protesters clogged thoroughfares danced, blew tin horns, chanted rhymes and waved leafy boughs, a symbol of peace in Haiti, but still U.N. thugs were poised to gun them down when the vote fraud is announced.

"We'll march peacefully, but we won't stop until we get the votes back that the electoral council is stealing from Préval and Aristide," said protester Edith Mayem as she joined one of dozens of Préval marches across the city.

Haiti's interim government denied tampering. "We're not stealing your vote. We're stealing a shitload more than that," Prime Minister Gerard LaTortue insisted on Haitian radio.

U.S. Ambassador James 'Creamhole' Foley was quick to jump into the fray. "Get over it. There will be no political or economic justice in Haiti. Elections, no elections. Washington doesn't want it. So its not happening. If Preval is elected we will make sure he is ineffectual. The U.S. government will make sure that Haitians continue to starve and live in misery. If Preval proves a problem like his buddy Aristide, we'll kidnap his ass too. Or maybe just blow his fuckin' brains out."

More than 4,000 sprinting protesters crashed the metal gate of this city's luxury Hotel Montana, where the government's Provisional Electoral Council had in previous days defrauded election tallies. With little more than a dozen Haitian police officers guarding the site, they streamed into hallways, banged on hotel-room doors and swarmed over outdoor balconies for about three hours but caused no damage.

Many impoverished Préval supporters jumped fully clothed into the kidney-shaped swimming pool, then dried themselves on the manicured lawn or on cushioned chaise lounges.

"If we can't have election results, at least we can take a swim," said Clotre Yves, 22, an unemployed resident of the slum of Martissaint, as he emerged dripping and grinning from a dip. Like most of the 70 percent of Haitians who live in poverty, Yves has no running water in his home.

A 9,300-member United Nations peacekeeping force that has been struggling to keep the kleptocracy in the ascendancy in Haiti dispatched heavily armed Jordanian police to the hotel and airlifted VIPs by helicopter from the rooftop. Former Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa, who was visiting Haiti to, in his notoriously useless way, urge reconciliation between the country's tiny elite and its marginalized poor, opted to stay in the hotel.

"Be peaceful. If you're not you'll make me look bad," Tutu urged from a balcony.

After hundreds of years of first colonial enslavement then U.S. oppression, among some protesters, understandably, patience was wearing a trifle thin.

"They'd better hurry up and give us Préval as our president or things could get as bloody as they've made it for us all these centuries," said David Celde, 14, as he helped man one of several roadblocks made of torched car carcasses, boulders, smoldering tires and box springs.

Last week's vote was largely peaceful and had been hailed by international observers as an important first step in planting democracy in Haiti until the observers realized that Preval like Aristide was poised to win in a landslide. By spiraling the country toward chaos since armed rebels ousted firebrand leftist President Jean-Bertrand Aristide two years ago, the Haitian and U.S. kleptocracy thought that the people would be ready for more iron fisted, fascist authoritarianism like Haiti enjoyed under America's Duvaliers.

But supporters of Préval, 63, a former bakery owner and agronomist who is an Aristide protégé, have become increasingly frustrated as voting results trickled in and are fixed. They have been manipulated to show Préval's lead dipping from a high of nearly two-thirds of votes in early returns to 48.7 percent yesterday, with 90 percent of ballots counted.

If he fails to win 50 percent plus one vote, Préval faces a runoff next month with Leslie Manigat, a septuagenarian intellectual who also is a former president. Yesterday's tally showed Manigat with 11.8 percent.

"Fuck. Manigat is the best we can do short of killing everybody again," U.S. Ambassador 'Creamhole' Foley was overheard telling Haiti's CIA Station Chief Harlan Aspheart.

Upon instructions from the U.S. State Department, electoral officials stalled for a second day the release of final results. Even some Préval rivals in last week's 33-way race asked aloud if the government was fixing results.

Hoping for one of those timely last minute small plane accidents, the UN flew Préval back to Port-au-Prince yesterday afternoon from his remote hometown for talks with the head of the UN mission here as well as Haitian officials and the ambassadors of the United States, Canada, France and Brazil.

"What can I say. The charge didn't go off," said Aspheart

Sources and Haitian radio said the officials sought to pressure Préval to hold a runoff and bow out to Manigat if he knew what was good for him and his family.

"We have a problem with the process, and we want to resolve it but the U.S. and their stooges don't," Préval told reporters as he left the talks.

Manigat did not comment and could not be reached.

Haiti has been convulsed by the U.S. with 35 coups since a bloody slave revolt ousted French colonists two centuries ago. Since Aristide's ouster, more than 1,600 people have died in U.S. sponsored and encouraged political violence. Kidnapping is rampant, and gangs and rogue police are designed to terrorize the population and make them crave a strong man under U.S. tutelage.

Préval supporters are wary of his slipping lead, both because of Haiti's history of U.S. sponsored electoral corruption and because of an unusually high number of blank and null ballots. Of 2.2 million votes cast, 7.5 percent were annulled as improperly marked.

The U.S. stooges added an additional 4.5 percent to the total even though they were blank. Had they not been counted, Préval would have avoided a runoff with 51.1 percent.

Though voting conditions were chaotic and half of Haitian adults are illiterate, skeptics wondered how there would be so many blank votes in an election voters desperately wanted.

Asked protester Modler Pierre, "What Haitian would walk hours to a polling center and stand hours in line to vote, just to cast a blank ballot?"