The Assassinated Press

Two Pronged Assault on Collapsed Chilean Mine
Now that Miners Are Freed, Mine Owners, BP and Massey Executives to be Lowered into Mine and the Shaft Sealed Off.

The Assassinated Press

“The Miners are freed, praise god. Now the second phase of this operation may begin,” said Gonzalvo Ehrlich, the attorney general for the district encompassing Copiapo, near the site of the mine disaster.

“Now, we must gather those who are culpable and place them in the mine. Then seal the mine off,” he added. Also, there is much speculation that executives from both BP and Massey industries will join their counterparts in the mine which will be sealed off with what is called in the industry, ‘The Money Shot.’ Don Blankenship of Massey Energy and Tony Hayward will be joining executives from the San Jose company.

After being lowered into the shaft, the executives will be sealed off and left to their gruesome fate. “These sociopaths cannot be taught a lesson. They must be snuffed out,” Ehrlich said.