The Assassinated Press

Homeland Pork Profits Soaring:
Congressman Thompson Speaks at Homeland Pork Breakfast:
Former Homeland Pork CEO Enters Bidding on Venezuela Takeover:
CBS to Cite Waste at Mega Corporation:

The Assassinated Press

WASHINGTON, April 7 -- Today, a jubilant Congressman Bennie G. Thompson, (D-MS), Ranking minority director of the House Committee on Homeland Pork Inc., along with other prominent minority committee directors spoke at a breakfast hosted by the Homeland Pork Industries Association to discuss homeland pork issues and the role of the private sector in making Homeland Pork as profitable as it can be. He emphasized that profits were increasing exponentially with the scare tactics used to promote Homeland Pork products.

"Fear is the answer to greater profits!" he exclaimed.

The Homeland Security Pork Association (HSPA) represents various companies in a number of business sectors that have interests in homeland security. HSPA's member companies are located throughout the United States and represent large, gigantic and huge mega corporations.

Members had the opportunity to learn more about the opportunities businesses face in a heightened security environment and what technologies are being deployed to assist in maximizing profits. Congressman Thompson stated, "It's important that meetings of this nature continue to take place, so that we can effectively work together to ensure that all is being done to protect Homeland Pork profits. When it comes to Homeland Pork, party affiliation should not be the focus of attention. I am looking forward to working with the HSPA in the near future so we can collectively explore ideas that will eventually enable us to adequately grow the profitability of our company."

Thompsom was particularly disturbed by the upcoming '60 Minutes' broadcast featuring The House Committee on Homeland Security's legislation, which will air this Sunday on CBS. The show, which highlights waste in first responder funding, draws attention to needed reforms in federal grant making that would be made by the Faster and Smarter Funding for First Responders Act of 2005 which will be introduced Tuesday, April 12, 2005.

"This kind of exposure should not be tolerated," said Rep. Thompsom.

"Nothing is more important than growing the market for Homeland Pork products. CBS must be made to understand that one man's waste is another man's profit. They should keep in mind that their license renewal is on the near horizon."