The Assassinated Press

Locked and Loaded ‘Just a Metaphor’: Supporters Insist Palin Must Renounce Non-Violence or Risk Losing Her Base.
“Who the fuck does she think she is, that fucking nigger Gandhi,“ Leader of Alabama Tea Bugger Party Declares.

By David Stone
Special to the Assassinated Press

Sarah Palin wrote on her Facebook page for March 28th “No matter how tough it gets, never retreat, instead RELOAD!”

And white America went to their gun racks, pulled the ammunition out of the bassinet and flocked to her clarion call. But when they got there, armed and inchoate, Sarah had changed her tune.

“No, no, no” she insisted. She was speaking "metaphorically." Well, to us in the Tea Bugger movement ‘metaphorically’ means faggy, poets like Shakespeare or Toby Keith.

How could Sarah so betray us, just when we were ready to follow her to Hell and, strapped by her side, violate the Alien and Sedition Act? That’s my big fantasy. My cream machine. To be strapped next to Palin ample thighs, guns ablazin’ tearing up liberals and illegals and niggers like they was so much Iraqi journalists and civilians.

Why stop at Iraqis and Afghans and Somalis? Let’s take ‘em all out. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Tea Buggers Say Palin Must Renounce Non-Violence or Else.

I do know I will no longer support Palin until she renounces non-violence. And that goes for every red blooded American in the Dive Inn on Route 40 in Resume Speed, Wyoming. I just asked for a show of hands.

So Sarah, if you’re gonna ask us god-fearing, gun totin’, locked and loaded white folk to stand by you, you better fuckin’ mean it, honey, or you just might find yourself on our shit list and maybe you just don’t know how bad that can be.