The Assassinated Press

Letter to Rush Limbaugh.
After Her Daddy Was Killed In Iraq, A Young Girl Thanks Rush For His Scholarship Program.

The Assassinated Press

Dear Rush,

Ever since my daddy was blown to bits by an IUD in Phallujuh, everything has been going great for me thanx to your Marine Corps-Law Enforcement Foundation scholeraship program.

With my daddy dead, my step-mother said it was safe for me to move back into the trailer and cut back on my hours at the crystal meth lab. Since then Iíve put on 10 pounds and enrolled in Oral Roberts University.

My classes are going really swell. Iím well on my way to a career as a professional Christian.

I gat a B+ in bible thumping and an A in shouting Christian based obscenities at abortion clinic workers.

I had to take an incomplete in snake handling cause I got bit by a cotton mouth and missed six weeks of class. My step momís new girlfriend says that drug they framed you on, oxycotton, is a mixture of ox blood and snake juice. Is this true?

My favorite class is speaking in tongues. But, despite all the prayers, now the seizures just happen everywhere and the other day in my pre-med class I fell on the floor and broke out in this:

oo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang oo
ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bang bang

What does it mean Rush?

I read about the $4 million dollars you raised from that vile letter that nasty, un-patrietic, un-christian Mr. Reid sent you. It just goes to show them that when it comes to buying off poor people to go off and die for rich people like you, rich people like you and Betty Casey go to the bat and are willing to put your money where your mouths is.

I had 41 of my classmates sign this letter. We hope you will post it on Ebay and make more money for those kids less fortunate than me.

Hugs and Kisses,