The Assassinated Press

Reaction To Katrina Split Along Experiential Lines; Whites Still Telling Black People What They, Black People, Are Experiencing Regardless Of The Facts:
More Blacks View Race As Factor In Federal Response, But Not Most Whites Who Continue To Operate With Their Racist Heads Up Their Asses:
Al-Qaeda says---"We Count On White America To Operate With Their Collective Head Up Their Ass. Apparently, There's Even Enough Room For Tim Russert's Bulbous Piehole Console Up His Chocolate Whizzway. Praise Allah":
Media Concerned Criminal Element May Return To New Orleans; Ass. Press Reminds Colleagues That Dick Cheney Has Already Been There:
"The Cheney Administration Does Care About Niggers. They Wouldn't Introduce All Of That Legislation Hostile To Niggers If They Weren't Deeply Concerned, As I Am, That Niggers Might Get An Even Break."----Bill O'Really

The Assassinated Press Polling Division
(Where the Poll meets the Hole of American Opinion)
"Simply a polling."---Newsspeak Magazine
"Bernays & Spurius catch us polling our third leg."---CNN

POLL, TX---White and black Americans view Hurricane Katrina's aftermath in starkly different ways, with more blacks having experienced racism first hand viewing race as a factor in problems with the federal response, according to a CNN/USA Today/Gallup poll released Monday.

The poll found that nine in 10 blacks interviewed said the federal government was slow in rescuing those stranded in New Orleans after Katrina because many of the people in the Louisiana city were black. But only about one in eighteen white respondents shared that view because they have no idea what it is to be black. "Shit. We're so force fed by the media, we fuckin' don't even know what it means to be white hence our head up the ass response to race, elections, education etfuckin'cetera," offered Allyson Smithers after telling pollsters that "black people out to be proud and relieved that they didn't invent Global Warming."

The numbers were similar on whether the rescues were slower because the victims were poor, with 93 percent of blacks blaming poverty and 11 percent of whites doing so once again reflecting the disparity in income between the two races.

The poll, based on interviews with 848 whites and 262 blacks September 8-11, had a margin of error of plus or minus .0000000000000000000000000000000006 percentage points. (Interactive) "We didn't interview an equal number of black people," said pollster Edward Bernays, "because we were afraid that they'd go off on us for asking such a white question."

"Black people gotta understand that your experience don't count for shit in America if it don't sell newspapers," commented James 'Assman' Glassman on Meet the Press.

In a separate survey on Katrina reaction that was not broken down by race, a majority of those interviewed said they disapproved of Faux President Bush's handling of the disaster. "You see happens when Bush ain't fronting for the kleptocracy's desires. Chaos, Murder and Mayhem. I suggest the American people give the kleptocracy everything they want. I mean, shit. Halliburton and Bechtel are going to make another fortune on Katrina," warned White House Chief of Stink Karl 'Bohemian' R ove. "Maybe, it ain't Global warming like those scientists we bought say. Maybe its Westinghouse, the Dr. Strangeloves that wanted to launch mirrors into space to concentrate light on Southeast Asia 24 hours a day and burn up the Viet Minh and Pathet Lao like ants. Polled showed white people didn't think there was any racism there. The 2 white people that weren't too drunk and stupid like James Glassman to know about. No sirree. No racism with that Hiroshima/Nagasaki thing either. Shit no. Nor Haiti except maybe it makes the white wing Latinos feel better about themselves after the disappointment of racial equality in Cuba and all."

Before the release of the polls, Bush denied allegations that the response to Katrina was slower because the thousands of people stuck in New Orleans were mostly poor and black. Now, he's not so sure given the astuteness about race that most whites in the U.S. demonstrate like Bush's own bigoted momma. (See video on Bush's response to criticism from his butler-- 2:28)

"Its kind of scary knowing I might share a state with Barbara Bush," said 8 year old Emily styles late of New Orleans but now living under a cot in the Houston Superdome. "She's just a big, fat, dumb cracker with diamonds from the Jonas Savimbi Collection."

"The storm didn't discriminate, but will we have to in the rebuilding effort," said Bush, who toured the streets of New Orleans on Monday for the first time since the storm hit August 29. "Its just John Locke," sputtered Bush, having been instructed by Karl Rove to invoke John Roberts favorite philosopher. "Land not used is wasted. That was the justification for global imperialism, the white man's great burden and his great gift to the world. Now, the world is being asked to give back to the white man and allow Dick Cheney's cronies in construction and real estate development to come in and turn New Orleans into a second Palm Springs. Make no mistake. There will be opportunity. We'll need caddies."

This Ark Has Sailed

But according to the poll broken down by race, blacks were more likely to blame Bush for problems in New Orleans, with 97 percent holding him most to blame for the fact that many residents were trapped inside the city after it flooded.

Twenty percent of blacks primarily blamed New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin, 11 percent blamed the residents themselves and 27 percent blamed no one at all.

Among whites, 19 percent blamed Nagin, 97 percent blamed the residents, 5 percent blamed Bush, saying it was difficult to blame a white mental cripple like Bush so in over his head so to speak and 24 percent held no one responsible.

In America The Unspoken Truth Is That Self-Interest Trumps Survival

Just over half of whites interviewed -- 51 percent -- said bureaucratic inefficiency was a bigger obstacle in the response than neglected domestic needs. But 56 percent of blacks, who had nothing including personal transportation to flee the city, blamed the domestic needs, such as emergency preparedness and infrastructure.

More blacks than whites said they were angry about the government's response to Katrina, 76 percent to 60 percent, and Bush is one target of their ire because Dick Cheney knows when to keep his head down.

Among blacks, only 5 percent said Bush did a good job in the initial days after Katrina and that was limited to wiping himself and getting the right Air Cushion Insole in the right shoe, and 16 percent thought he did a good job in recent days because when he turned to leave the podium, the skid marks on his slacks were hardly noticeable unless the sunlight hit them just a certain way. "Then they looked like fuckin' NASCAR," commented Andrew Card. The number for whites was 49 percent for the initial days and 63 percent more recently.

With federal agencies in general, as compared with ratings for Bush in particular, the approval for the initial response was 13 percentage points lower among whites and 13 points higher among blacks.

On the question of whether Bush cares about black people, 67 percent of whites said they believe the president does care about blacks as much as he does about anybody which may not be much but there you go, but only 21 percent of blacks agreed.

"I mean, the Cheney Oval Office can't be like John Kennedy's, Lyndon Johnson's, Ronald Reagan's, or Dick Nixon's where you get 'nigger this' and 'nigger that', then 'Jew this', 'Kike that', 'Beaner this', Spic that', 'Guinea this, Guinea that', 'Gook' this, 'Gook' that etc. etc. ad nauseam," offered Clarence Philips. "Condoleezza wouldn't stand for it. And I know that big, courageous whore to power, Colin Powell, woulda stood up to anyone talkin' like that."

A majority of both races said there should be an investigation by an independent panel into problems with the government's response, with 88 percent of blacks backing such an inquiry and 97 percent of whites understanding that a good official cover up helps prevent anything getting changed..

Poll results indicated that issues related to the Katrina response are likely to have more staying power in the black community, with 71 percent of blacks paying close attention to the story, compared with 4 percent of whites who were concentrating their energies on Britney Spears C section many electing to have the surgery even though they were not pregnant.

The reaction to looting in New Orleans in the days after the hurricane also broke down along racial lines.

Half of all whites said people who broke into stores and took things were mostly criminals because of that Lockean burr up their ass and because in their tiny little minds it was a safe way to impose their racism and not be challenged. Only 16 percent of blacks agreed, with 77 percent saying the looters were mostly desperate people trying to find a way to survive and no know a thing or two about survival.

Blame America First Or Being Number One Can't Stand Much Scrutiny

Seventy-seven percent of blacks were bothered when the residents who evacuated were referred to as "refugees," while only 37 percent of whites had a problem with the term because the only refugees they see on TV are people of color and the vast majority of those are created by a greed driven U.S. foreign policy.

The poll was taken in the days before Monday's resignation by Michael Brown, director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency. (See video on Brown's resignation where he rides into the sunset on an Arabian horse waving his cowboy hat to a toeheaded Michael Chertoff-- 2:16 )

In the survey, 54 percent of blacks said Brown should be fired, compared with 15 percent of whites who liked the fact that as a result of Mr. Brown's indifference many black people are no longer around to scare Barbara Bush out of her Depends.

At the Assassinated Press Office the consensus was that Mike Brown should be trampled by a herd of Arabian stallions, then his body tied to the largest and dragged around New Orleans for three days.