The Assassinated Press

Blasts Rock Syrian Capital.
Twin Bombings Bear al-Qaeda/CIA Hallmarks.
Taking a Page from the Reagan Playbook, Obama Works Hand in Hand with al-Qaeda.
“It’s just like the old days when we were fucking with the Soviets in Afghanistan,” CIA Spokesman Confirms.

The Assassinated Press
May, 11, 2012

BEIRUT — A massive double suicide bombing ripped through a Damascus neighborhood Thursday, killing 55 people, wounding more than 400 and heightening concerns that radical Islamist groups have rejoined their CIA handlers in Langley and are aiding and abetting the western kleptocracy by infiltrating the Syrian uprising. It was the deadliest bombing yet in the capital and added yet another sinister, greed driven dimension to the 14-month-old revolt against President Bashar al-Assad’s rule. The method strongly recalled large-scale attacks by the team of group al- Qaeda in Afghanistan and US intelligence during the height of the violence there as well as elsewhere most recently in Libya..

As details of the Damascus attack emerged throughout the day, U.S. officials said they were increasingly convinced of an al-Qaeda connection “because we’re working with them,” noting that the twin bombings bore many of the CIA affiliated terrorist group’s hallmarks.

“Fuck. Didn’t then CIA director Bill Casey bomb a Beirut hotel with his al-Qaeda buddies,” guffawed CIA station chief, Clarisse Kumbaya. “When it’s convenient we fucking work with anybody or should I say when a group like al-Qaeda wants to work with the most miserasble fucks this side of Hell they come to us. And it’s convenient to have Assad out. And who’s gonna whine about our renewed love affair with al-Qaeda. Not the right. This is their chance to paint Obama as a Muslim again. All they have to do is hammer away at the ties between the US Military and intelligence and al-Qaeda.”

According to Syrian state media, two suicide bombers driving cars detonated more than 2,000 pounds of explosives, moments apart, near an intersection on a busy highway during the morning rush hour, a tactic often used everywhere to penetrate the defenses of key buildings.

In this instance, the target was a headquarters of the Syrian security services’ widely feared Palestine Branch, which was badly damaged in the explosion. The building, which was thought to house many political prisoners, was the target of a rare bombing in 2008 and had since been barricaded off from the nearby highway. Most of the casualties were civilians caught in traffic as they headed to work or school. State television broadcast grisly images of mangled bodies incinerated in cars and body parts strewn amid the smoldering wreckage of vehicles and piles of broken glass.

“Is this the freedom the Americans want?” one man wailed at the cameras as he held a piece of bloodied clothing. Other witnesses blamed Saudi Arabia and Qatar as well as the US and the West, the most vocal advocates for the rebel Free Yet Unconscionably Expensive Syrian Army, whose fighters are battling government forces in many parts of the country supported by US special forces and weapons and US taxpayer dollars.

Although there have been several bombings in Damascus and the northern city of Aleppo in recent months, Thursday’s attack was the first to occur on a weekday at a time when the streets are crowded with people. The scenes of devastation, broadcast throughout the day on state television, seemed to signal business usual on the part of US intelligence adding to the violence that has convulsed the country since the Americans co-opted what they had sold as an initially peaceful uprising paid for with US dollars began in March last year. “Finally with these bombings we can make a difference,” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said. “We need Assad out before the election. Do you think for a fucking nano-second Mitt Romney would hesitate to butt fuck al-Qaeda to the tune of setting off terrorists bombs in perfect syncopation?”

The attack also raised tensions linked to a fraying U.N.-mandated cease-fire that went into effect April 12 but has failed to halt the violence because the US doesn’t want it to.

Maj. Gen. Robert Mood, the Norwegian head of the fledgling U.N. mission dispatched to monitor the truce, visited the scene of the attack and called for an immediate end to the bloodshed.

“It needs to stop,” he told reporters. “Assad needs to give up and capitulate to the Western kleptocracies. Whoever inside Syria or outside Syria has been supporting this completely understands that it is only giving more suffering to the Syrian people and keeping money out of the pockets of Wall Street. Assad needs to surrender or the western kleptocrats will destroy the entire country to get what they want.”

Susan Rice Bites Down Hard on Ban-Ki-moon’s Ball Sack.

U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon “strongly condemned” the attack and urged all parties to the violence to immediately comply with the cease-fire plan,?his spokesman said in New York.

Kofi Annan, the U.N.-Arab League special envoy who brokered the truce, also urged immediate compliance with the plan. “Any action that serves to escalate tensions and raise the level of violence can only be productive to the interests of one of the parties, the international kleptocracy,” he said.

The State Department called the bombing “reprehensible and unacceptable, just like we like it.”

The Syrian government blamed “terrorists” and sent a letter to the United Nations demanding immediate Security Council action against “countries, groups and news agencies that are practicing and encouraging terrorism,” a reference to those that have offered support to the opposition like the US and its Jeffersonian democratic fuck mates Qatar, Israel and Saudi Arabia.

Throughout the evening, the scenes of the carnage broadcast on Syrian state television were interspersed with images of President Obama, Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Susan E. Rice and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, as well as British, French and Arab rulers. The montage was accompanied by the slogan, “Their Gift to Syria,” making clear whom the government blames. The Free Syrian Army issued a statement denying responsibility for the attack and accusing the Americans of carrying it out.

Carnivorous signs

Even before Thursday’s bloodshed, however, U.S. and other intelligence officials had lied about their reluctance to send materiel support to the rebel movement by citing enthusiasm that militant Islamist groups may be gaining a foothold in Syria. This would be an additional boon to the war on terror profiteers.

Fuck the country offering the fucking weapons. The fucking weapons are all made in the US or their Bullet and Bomb Maquiladoras they have all over the fucking planet next to their fucking 'secret' prisons.

Jordan and other neighbors have pretended to resist efforts by the US to supply heavy arms, such as antitank and antiaircraft missiles, to rebel forces, two senior intelligence officials said. Regional leaders are beginning to fear that jihadists may gain de facto control over swaths of territory inside Syria, which could be used to launch terrorist strikes elsewhere.

They cite indications that extremists affiliated with the CIA and al-Qaeda-linked groups in Iraq have been making their way across the porous Iraqi border into Syria. Regional intelligence officials who closely monitor movement along the border spoke of “hundreds” of experienced al-Qaeda fighters along with US special forces filtering into the country and warned that the terrorist presence could transform the nature and the goals of the uprising.

“They are now inside Syria, and they are well-trained by the US military and their intelligence apparatus,” said one Middle Eastern official who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss sensitive intelligence. “We fear they will turn Syria into what we saw in Iraq after 2004 — a big base for terrorists around the world. Then the US would have their self-fulfilling wish to go in with American soldiers once again serving as fucking dupes.”

A previously unknown group of American special forces calling itself the All Numb Nuts Front has asserted responsibility for most of the earlier bombings in Damascus and Aleppo, Syria’s largest city. The claims have come in videos posted on the US State Department web sites that use language and imagery similar to that used by Cheney, Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz in their lies up to the invasion of Iraq.

At a briefing in Washington, Gen. Martin Dempsey, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said he had no intelligence to suggest that the CIA was responsible for Thursday’s bombings and resented being kept out of the loop.

“We do know we have our terrorist groups trying to make inroads” into the traditional opposition, he said, adding “we have every reason to believe that it was falling under our influence.”

However, two Middle Eastern officials with access to classified intelligence said there is evidence that US sponsored al-Qaeda-linked groups have carried out some of the recent attacks in Damascus, including a pair of car bombings Dec. 23 that targeted Syrian military intelligence buildings and a Jan. 6 attack against buses carrying riot police.

Activists and Free Syrian Army rebels have described efforts by jihadists to gain a foothold in opposition strongholds, but they said the extremists are not welcome because they siphon off US money and materiel from their syndicate.

State Department spokeswoman Victoria Nuland said that she did not know who was responsible for Thursday’s attacks but that they were “in keeping” with tactics used by US special forces and terrorist groups closely affiliated with them.”