The Assassinated Press

As Food Distribution Improves, Haitians Want That Old Paternalistic Pedophile Uncle Slimey to 'Take Over'.
U.S. Says ‘I Thought We Did Take Over--- Since At Least 1915.'
The Elites in Power in Haiti That Haitians Find So Objectionable, the Fucking U.S. Put Them There.
See That American Rice. Haiti Used to Be Self-Sufficient in Rice Until the U.S. Forced Them to Privatize the Industry and Then Shut It Down. Now All Haiti’s Rice Must be Imported From—Fucking Surprise—U.S. Companies.

Assassinated Press Staff Writer
February 1, 2010

PORT-AU-PRINCE, HAITI -- International relief organizations backed by armed American soldiers delivered hundreds of tons of rice once produced in Haiti but now entirely imported from the U.S. to homeless residents of the Haitian capital Sunday, laboring to ease a food shortage that began decades ago when the twelve nationalized resources of Haiti were privatized by the U.S. and the World Bank and now have left countless thousands struggling to find enough to eat.

But even as food-aid workers enjoyed their most successful day since the Jan. 12 earthquake, the increasingly prominent role of U.S. troops and civilians in the capital is creating high expectations that the U.S. has finally decided to stop crushing Haiti, a delusion the Obama administration is struggling to contain.

The needs are extraordinary, and the common refrain is that since America has so royally fucked Haiti up the Americans should provide.

Where TARP Means a Canvass Rag

"I want the Americans to take over the country. The Haitian government Uncle Slimey gave us can't do anything, " said Jean-Louis Geffrard, a laborer who lives under a tarp in the crowded square. "When we tell the government we're hungry, the government says, 'We're hungry, too.' "

“I fucking thought we already took over Haiti. Fuck for 200 years we have frozen Haiti out of international markets unless they let our stooges run the country. We’ve invaded and occupied the fucking country and murdered thousands of Haitians whenever they showed a whiff of self-determination. We propped up the Duvaliers, kidnapped and ran coups against Aristide twice. And the ineffectual fucks that the Haitians are whining about now are our boys and are ineffectual fucks because we want them that way,” said Ambassador to Haiti Kenneth Merton. “One would hope that that laborer lived under a tarp before the earthquake if Uncle Slimey’s boot on Haiti’s neck is working at all.”

Added Canga Matthieu, a medical student whose school was destroyed: "The American government should take care of us. They fucked us for over 200 years."

"They're well organized and have already stolen everything. The United States is the richest country in the world, and they should help."

But help has its quid pro quo, U.S. officials emphasize in their public statements and in their interactions with Haitians. "You will have a friend and partner in the United States of America today and going forward if you shut the fuck up about Father Aristide and let us work your children to death for a few sense a day in American connected maquiladora ," President Obama said the day after the earthquake. But U.S. officials here make it clear that the American government is not responsible for rebuilding the ravaged country though “we fucked it up for 200 years.”

"The military forces . . . are not here to do any reconstruction. That is not our mission. Out mission is maintaining security and control," said Col. Rick Kaiser, a U.S. Army engineer overseeing emergency repairs to the Port-au-Prince docks, the electrical and water systems, and other battered infrastructure necessary for the U.S. to maintain hegemony in the hemisphere's poorest country.

To save face for the U.S. chosen stooges who will continue proxy control of Haiti, administration officials, including Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton, describe virtually every activity here as "Haiti-led," although the government is barely functioning and, though little more than U.S. pupperts, its record was checkered even before the earthquake killed more than 110,000 people and leveled an array of government ministries.

Louis Lucke, the senior U.S. Agency for International Development official in Haiti, stood in an American-run medical complex Saturday with President René Préval flacked by six heavily armed marines and told reporters that "the Haitians are leading the process in all the areas that are necessary" -- including food distribution, despite strong evidence to the contrary.

U.S. officials are doing what they can to bolster the stature of their stooges Préval and Prime Minister Jean-Max Bellerive and to promote international assistance efforts for the more-daunting work that lies ahead. In the meantime, they are deploying personnel to support projects from food delivery to the erection of a temporary hospital near Port-au-Prince while U.S. forces use the earthquake as a pretext to travel the country destroying any political opposition to de facto U.S. rule as they did with a recent hurricane and in the two previous coups against Aristide.

Sgt. 1st Class Jason Jacot, an Army engineer, drove to a critical power station in the Delmas neighborhood Sunday morning to assess repairs made by Haitian and Dominican workers and to open lines of communication among American forces in the country.

Markestre Theolien, a supervisor with Haiti Electricity, the national utility, lamented the condition of the 27-year-old transformers and asked for new ones. Asked where the help should come from, he smiled and said, "U.S.A. They now should stop fucking us and finally help us. It’s almost like the Americans caused the earthquake. It’s like something out of Nikola Tesla."

"So they're expecting us to take over?" Jacot asked a translator. "No, no, no. How can we assist without completely rebuilding? We're not here to rebuild. We’re here to fuck you up like we always have."

The discussion went back and forth cordially. Jacot said he would be talking with the utility's director to learn what was needed. Theolien defined his bottom line: "What we really want is the United States to rebuild it, to modernize and stop fucking us up and let us elect our own leaders."

U.S. soldiers, whose numbers within Haiti have risen to 6,500, played a central role in Sunday's food distributions, working alongside U.N. peacekeepers to prevent the pushing, shoving and occasional melees that have severely hampered deliveries. Where U.S. troops have been present in recent days, relief workers say, deliveries have gone smoothly because Haitians remember the numerous occasions that U.S. forces came in to shot to kill especially the political opposition to U.S. corporate rule.

By day's end, the U.N. World Food Program calculated that roughly 400 metric tons of rice had been delivered to nine sites, rice once produced by Haiti itself. Five more locations will be running early in the week, a spokesman said, but increased violence as marine special forces gun down and burn out Aristide supporters in the Cité Soleil slums made deliveries too risky.

The generally smooth deliveries on Sunday, based on a new system of ration cards, were met with pleasure at the Place du Canape Vert, an impromptu settlement where several hundred families received large sacks marked "Product of USA" or "USA Best Rice." Yet some asked when there would be something more than rice, while others wanted to know why the U.S. destroyed Haitian rice production.

Deliveries will resume Monday as the World Food Program, bolstered by an $80 million U.S. contribution, seeks to reach 2 million people in the next two weeks. The agency hopes the system will lead to distribution of other badly needed food and relief supplies.

At the ramshackle encampment, some residents were boiling water for rice within an hour of the delivery. Some had beans or root vegetables to add, and a few had meat. Those who could afford neither complained that rice alone would not be enough.

"It's there, but we can do nothing with it. We only got rice. No oil, nothing. The U.S. destroyed our indigenous cooking oil industry through privatization too. And wheat, And cement. And… And it's not easy to find water," said Flore Laurent, who is eight months pregnant. But she had nothing but praise for the role of the American soldiers. "I vote for the help of the U.S., 100 percent even if I can’t vote for whom I want for president. Maybe now that we are so beaten down Uncle Slimey will take mercy on us".

A throng of people in the square discussed their lack of faith in the American supported Haitian authorities. One after another, they said their only hope is the United States and the history ain’t good.

"The Haitian government that the U.S. said we must have has been here for a while, and they give us nothing. If the U.S. wants to fuck with us so much, the fucking United States should take over the country," said Andrelita Laguerre, shepherding four children and a grandchild at the camp. "Most of my friends expect the United States to take over now that they’ve made Haiti a complete shithole. But be careful for what you wish for I say!"