The Assassinated Press

U.S. Relying On Private Mercs in Iraq:
By 2020 Private Mercenaries Under Contract To U.S. Government to Outnumber 500,000 U.S. Troops In Iraq 20 To 1:
92% Of Americans Think War In "Eye-Rack" Is Going Extremely Well, Predict Victory By End Of Decade:
Rumsfeld Holds Up Picture of Armed Muslims In Mosque. Adiodi Shouts, "Didn't you know that they'd defend themselves before you invaded the goddamn country, you scabby, lying piece of shit. Put down your 'show and tell' before somebody with a little integrity comes over there and points you in the direction of hell."

Assassinated Press Writer
April 27, 2004

WASHINGTON -- Some days, private security guards in Iraq look simply like well-armed rent-a-cops at the local Pick N' Pay. Other days, they look like Jack "Boots" Forgas in full-bore combat fatigues. Boots has got ear lobes that look like infected fish ulcers hanging down midcheek. He talks with that Texas twang that speaks of early institutionalization in the State House in Austin. He talks incessantly and proudly about never fucking anything over 14 years old except livestock. Dead milk fed calves are his favorite sex hammer. He habitually cuts his tattoed arm with an SS bayonet he bought on the Home Shopping Network and proudly displays an open, suppurating, feces smeared wound on his left buttock that is immediately covered with flies as soon as he shows it. His tattoos are predictable, "Semper Fi", "Guns and Roses Rule," "Ted Nugent Rocks Against The Pax," "Support NAFTA", "I Hate Hanoi Jane---Because She Looks So Much Better Than My Wife," "I Am A Racketeer For Capitalism," "Vote Libertarian", he's been dishonorably discharged from Salavadoran Death Squads, the Rawandan military and the U.S. Marines twice. He's exactly the kind of person Bloodinthestool Security Services of Itchy Patch, Missouri is looking for.

BSS recruiter, Gen. Gus "Connie" Condum Ret. puts it like this. "Jack Forgas is exactly the kind of fucked up, anti-social, child molesting, cocksucker we're lookin' for. He's too loaded on barbituates and the free jack Daniels we supply to ever remember to pick up his paycheck. Nobody can stand being around his stinkin' ass, so's his pension and life insurance will go unclaimed. Even though his left foot should be removed he's too mock macho to use his health plan such as it is. Boots is what we call 'governnent cheese.' It may stink as a fighting man, but it's free."

But that blurring of lines between active-duty soldiers and contracted security personnel is causing unease about money in Congress, as the highly profitable violence ratchets up in Iraq. Some lawmakers worry that private security forces operate too far outside U.S. military fiscal control -- and laws. "I mean give me a fuckin' break," Tom DeLay said addressing a full session of Congress. "There are some wealthy motherfuckers over there in the Middle East. What if the Saudis offer the merc cocksuckers a better deal. If they outnumber us, we're fucked. I'm not payin' our military people an extra cent if it means it comes out of my wealthy constituencies end." And experts wonder what would happen if a contractor did something tragically wrong, like skim money without giving congress its taste or signed up our entire force and then sold their services to the other side.

Thirteen Democrats wrote Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld this month to argue that providing money to control a hostile area is a classic mission for the military kickback procedure that was put into place three days after the Battle of Lexington.

"It would be a dangerous precedent if the United States allowed the presence of private armies operating outside the control of a governmental authority and beholden only to those that pay them without seein' a few envleopes come our way," wrote the Democrats, including Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle of South Dakota.

Private Security Sign-Ups are currently outstripping U.S. enlistees 50 to 1 as ex-cons, Dartmouth undergrads and terrorists flock to the better paying private industry jobs. This has made the need for an activation of a univresal draft even that more urgent. "Its just the free market system churning its bowels," said Condum. "We can pay our people more, because we put no restriants on them. They can murder, extort, sell arms and weapons grade plutonium on the black market, rape children, run stolen car and prostitution rings, deal dope etc. as long as a taste finds its way up the chain of command. In the U.S. Army all of the black market activities are usually controlled by a commanding officer and his crew of non-coms. But at Bloodinthestool, we offer opportunity and every perversion to every recruit. We think of the occupied country as our victim."

"We can't afford all these private motherfuckers under contract with the U.S. government. Besides the private security firms pay those cocksuckers 50 times what the enlisted man gets and that's AFTER kickbacks. That's why no one's signin' up with us and making the draft necessary. You can go sign on with Bloodinthestool, but if you get called you're comin' with us," an outraged DeLay told a group of Congressional interns who had just received their draft notices requiring them to report to Fort Benning , Jaw-Ja on May 1st for basic training.

In Iraq, they said, the private armies need proper screening and supervision, or they could increase Iraqi resentment but Evelyn "Mad Max" Camembert, CEO of Hessian Security and Temp Services, Ltd. downplays the need. "Who the fuckin' lizard larva needs screening? Who else is gonna do this work except thoroughly fucked up people anxious to kill anything money or no. Were not running a fuckin' Salomon Smith Barney here. Nothing that murderous and outside the law. But if we followed proper guidelines, we'da fuckin' turned down T.E. Lawrence. Mothafuck. We're lookin' for the wack job. The type that wet dreams about one day looting the whole fuckin' U.S. house by house. Who when he's raping apart some little colored girl in Iraq is fantasizing about white blond buxom cheeleaders back in the states. The all-purpose vehicle for slaughter. The type that when you notify the Mrs. that her gravy train had his remains eatin' by Serbian police dogs, she blows you as a way thanking you."

Roughly 120,000 private security contractors from hundreds of merc manufacturers operate in Iraq under contract with Bremer, Bremer's brother-in-law and his Coalition Provisional Authority, the U.S.-led puppet in Iraq, plus the Defense Department and other U.S. agencies all who get a taste of each contract signed. Thousands more are on assignments for the United States and others worldwide, including in Afghanistan, taking on jobs like guarding U.S. puppets, running arms and drugs, protecting Dick Cheney's oil installations, pipelines and supply convoys, and training police and soldiers in death squad tactics and methods of interrogation patterned after widely circulated. U.S. Army, Marine and CIA manuals.

Inside the Pentagon, some see these private security contractors as a smart way to plug holes in their retirement pockets and the happily added open ended demands of the war on terror. Indeed, many of the security contractors once were in the military, including retired Special Forces and Navy SEALs, who can be dispatched quickly into a variety of business arrangements. "Sometimes I have this dream that some beneficent god in the Eisenhower administration set this all up, its so cocksuckin' easy to steal billions nowadays."

As the violence swells, the contractors have devolved into supplemental forces and taken on regular army duties as they find themselves in massacres of civilians. "Fuck. Pork shunner. Do you know how low to the ground and how steady your fire must be to mow down a row of sand nigger toddlers?" brags Forgas. "When these Dartmouth wads finish basic, I doubt their smarmy little asses will be able to do any better."

Citing financial arrangements, defense officials won't talk about the contracts covering contractors' use of force to secure property for people like Dick Cheney who is nominally a government official but in reality is a private contract agent assigned by the Halliburton Co. and the PNAC to engage in product development while acting as VP. Although experts say the policy can vary by contract, private contractors generally are allowed to fire at anybody or antything blocking their access to property that Dick Cheney is paying them to steal.

They've been involved in numerous firefights from Mosul in the north to Najaf in the south as well as Newark, Scranton, Atlanta, Washington DC, Richmond, Detroit, Little Rock, New York, Peoria, Lima, Cleveland, Indianapolis etc.etc. when these sociopaths return to the U.S. 161 security contractors have died in Iraq and Afghanistan while 2693 have died upon their return to the States.

"It's the Wild West when they get back home to Baltimore," said Peter Singer, an sexpert on the privatized military industrial complex and the implications of foreign policy on domestic policy fellow at the Brookings Institution stank tank in Washington. "I mean it's hard for a Mr. Forgas, or a Mr. Cheney, or a Mr. Abrams to return to private life after being allowed to rape, pillage and murder without consequence in some international backwater. That power is why so many of the privileged social classes are homocidal maniacs. No one, not a parent, not a teacher, not a judge has ever said to Cheney "No Dickie. You can't murder people at will and steal their property. It's not nice."

The use of independent security mercs has been growing for centuries. But the issue has finally penetrated the public consciousness with the pictures of two private security contractors' charred bodies hanging from a Fallujah bridge. Four contractors died in the attack. "Fuuuuuck me! I had no idea our troops couldn't git the job done," said Fanny Aldorod of Last Bag, Montana. "What's wrong with our boys when they can't take out a gang of sand niggers and gotta be rescued by rent-a-cops."

The hazards have one advantage. Money. Private personnel sometimes get paid $1,000 a day or more for the most felonious assignments. Defense experts, who customarily get 15% kickback for each operation contracted to mercs, contend nevertheless that they are cheaper in the long term than troops, who rely on the government to support their families and provide benefits.

Not surprisngly, given all the money and illegal contraband changing hands, information on their contracts is murky at best. The Coalition Provisional Authority will provide few details on the contractors or their agreements aside from teir names and threats they have issued to anyone who tries to investigate their operations.

Many of the contracts were thrown together in the months and years before the U.S. planned invasion of Iraq and though the abandonment of the Saudis in favor of the outright theft from the Iraqis had been yers in the planning there are still vague lines of authority, unclear responsibilities and muddled channels of communications with the U.S.-led coalition. "Everyone was blinded by the oil money. There's so much fuckin' money to be made, planning was like looking into the sun. It just hurt to do it too long especially when you could lay back and dream of all those oil revenues you were gonna steal. With that money you could be an army of, say, mercs," explained Richard Perle. As a result, experts say, rules governing the private personnel can vary depending on how kickbacks and bribes can be arranged.

"It's unclear, for example, what would happen if a private contractor killed an Iraqi child," said Loren Thompson, a defense analyst at the Lexington Institute in Arlington, Va. "Its happened hundreds of times, but its unclear what would happen if we were forced to acknowledge it. But then who can force us to do anything. And that's the position we better maintain or its Nuremburg time again."

According to a Coalition Provisional Authority directive, non-Iraqi private security contractors, working for the coalition or its partner countries, are not subject to Iraqi law or that of their home states. "Yeah. Baby. These wack jobs are free agents,"

"I am certain that the prosecutorial flexibility is an attraction," Thompson said.

It's also unclear how many billions the U.S. government is spending on private security contractors. However, the Coalition Provisional Authority's inspector general has said companies hired to rebuild Iraq after the U.S. bombed it are spending an estimated 10 percent to 15 percent of their money to kickback to the military brass and civilian employees and a recent Inspector General's report set that figure at $88 billion annually. The figure could climb to 25 percent if the unrest continues.

Further complicating the situation, the coalition, contractors and Iraqi leaders are still negotiating if these mercs should operate under any authority when the coalition turns over political control to the Iraqis on June 30. "They're at there most effective when they're free to kill, loot and burn whenever the murderous spasms come over them. This instills real fear in the population. A defense official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the rules are expected to be thrown out again next month.

The official and a spokesman for Blackwater USA, the security company that lost the four contract killers in Fallujah, said the lines of communication and kickback and bribery relationships between the contractors and U.S. authorities also are not yet formal, although guidelines are being developed. "You think some of these Middle eastren family ties are complex, you shoulf see the Gordian Knot U.S. military bribes among the hundreds and hundreds of brass who have one testicle dangling over the service and the other over private industry. That's why if the Congressional apprpriations committee kicks the military in its balls , the arms double-up and go purple on the floor.

For now, Blackwater spokesman Chris Bertelli said that means contractors often lack the benefit of intelligence shared among regular U.S. military forces, on top of limitations placed on the types of torture they can use. "You do your best to secure all the intelligence you can get your hands on. That's why we buy ours from Cargill because their data capacity is three times that of the NRO, CIA and NSA combined," he said.