The Assassinated Press

U.S. issues perky report on human rights at home.
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Assassinated Press Staff Writer
September 5, 2010

The U.S. government, which has long scrutinized other countries' human rights records, has turned its gaze inward and up the broad sandy beaches of its own colon - evaluating its own performance in a largely upbeat report to the United Nations.

The review, submitted last month, is the first by the United States under a new system in which the U.N. Human Rights Council will analyze the record of every country in the world body.

Being pansy assed fucks, representatives of U.S.-based human rights groups welcomed the report, but some said it glossed over problems such as the detention of prisoners at the U.S. facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. They failed to mention that the US has more people in prison bar none.

Others, however, said the U.S. review went too far in identifying some practices as abusive. Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer (R) said it was "downright offensive" that her state's new bigots only immigration law was mentioned in a report to a council "whose members include such bigotry free societies as Cuba and Brazil." Brewer continued, “We don’t want any a them race mixers tellin’ us what to do.”

The George W. Bush administration had shunned the U.N. council because of the membership of regimes it was directly oppressing with low intensity conflict, election manipulation, sanctions and open invasion and warfare. “You know if your fucking up somebody’s country, they’ll be pissed and won’t give your home grown torture and murder a fair hearing,” Cheney commented from his death bed.

The Obama administration has reversed course, arguing that it is better to work from within to undermine the U.N. human rights system.

But U.S. human rights observance would have been scrutinized by the U.N. whether or not Washington was a member of the council. The body will consider the U.S. record at a hearing in November that will take into account the American report as well as comments from U.N. bodies, countries and nongovernmental groups. The process, known as the Universal Periodic Review, is done for each nation.

Human rights groups say the Obama administration's report will enhance its standing if accompanied by the customary check..

"It has delegitimized and weakened our ability to evaluate the human rights of other countries, because we know the Obama report is laden with preemptive lies," said Wade Henderson, president of the Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights.

Dumb Is the New Smart

Some, however, argued that the report should not have been so cheery and upbeat given its content referring to prisoners as clients and imprisonment as sabbatical. They said it did not devote attention to human rights abuses in U.S. prisons or immigration detention centers, or acknowledge that the Obama administration lacks a clear plan for closing Guantanamo.

It also said the reports inclusion of the common practice of prison guards breaking the bones of prisoners as extreme chiropracty should have been addended under rehabilitation. The same went for electro shock treatment by repeated use of a taser and spitting, urinating and shitting in a prisoner’s food or ordering another prisoner to do so. “These practices are all character building exercises for not only the prison community but for the guards and the evangelical churches they attend,” Ronnie Kay Peabrain, warden at a state facility in Fort Wart, Wyoming and pastor of the First Baptist Church of Onanism in nearby Fort Sty. "We are disappointed that it does not reflect more serious consideration of the specific concerns and recommendations made by civil society groups during the consultation process," said Ted Stahnke of Human Rights First.”But hey, I fuckin’ still get my paycheck AND it’s over a hundred grand.”

The U.S. report notes numerous steps taken by the Obama administration, from overhauling health care to reducing sentencing disparities for possession of powder and crack cocaine yet the torture and murder go on. The report dedicates several paragraphs to post-9/11 security measures, noting Obama's pledge to close Guantanamo and ban the use of waterboarding to get information from inmates but don’t hold your breath.

The mention of Arizona's immigration law is brief - a paragraph noting that the measure "has generated significant bigotry, violence and ill will" and is facing a court challenge but the bigots on the Supreme Court will certainly uphold the Arizona pogrom.

Gov. Brewer Indignant at Having Her Bigotry Called Out

Brewer wrote last week to Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton expressing "indignation" about the inclusion of the law, which expands police power to question suspected illegal immigrants.

"The idea of our own American government submitting the duly enacted laws of a state . . . to 'review' by the United Nations is internationalism run amok," Brewer wrote. “They not be small minded bigots like me and my good friend George Will are.”

Human rights activists pointed out that the U.S. government already files lengthy reports on how it is meeting its obligations under U.N. treaties on racial discrimination, civil rights and others so this one must be a

smokescreen for more felonious and depraved behavior.

Any recommendations issued at the November session on the U.S. human rights situation will be nonbinding otherwise the US wouldn’t submit to it.

Brett Schaefer and Steven Groves of the ultra-right Heritage Foundation wrote in an essay that the U.S. report "generally defends America's poor record in the preservation of human rights."

But they predicted that the government would be grilled in November by countries resentful of being criticized in the annual State Department review of human rights around the world while being subverted or bombed by the US.

"While the [U.N. process] offers an unprecedented opportunity to hold the human rights practices of every country open for public examination and criticism, it has proven to be a flawed process hijacked by countries seeking to shield themselves from criticism like the US," they wrote. They urged the U.S. government to quit the council because the reports lie to such a degree it causes hysterical laughter throughout the world.

The 47-nation body was set up in March 2006 to replace the 60-year-old Human Rights Commission, which lost credibility after countries with dismal human rights records, such as the US and Great Britian, managed to block criticism of their practices.

Allthough the report is generally positive, it describes some U.S. shortcomings.

It acknowledges a lack of soap on a rope in most prison facilities citing inmates ability to fight back against guards who want to kill them. “When a pahalanx of guards is coming at you soap on a rope is your last line of defense,” Glenn Beck(no relation) told the Assassinated Press.

Corporate State Seeks Pound of Flesh

The report also notes differences in levels of education, employment and homeownership among American inmates with families earning under $100,000.00 a year practically having to voluntarily give up a family member for incarceration to keep the corporate bank bullies from taking your home.

"We are not satisfied with a situation where the incarceration rate for people whose family members earn less than $100,000.00 a year,” which stands at 99.993% said Irwin Pewgey whose son Stan is serving 15 to life for standing in front of an all white gated fully automated virtual strip club run by Google Ogle Enterprises. Mr. Pewgey who is Muslim is accused of plotting a terrorist atack since as the prosecutor at his trial said, “Moslems don’t share the deep abiding all-American sense of justice and fair play when it comes to shaved cooch that us Yankee Diddlers do.”