The Assassinated Press

Road head resulting in fatal crash offers rare look at U.S. commando presence in Mali, worldwide.
How Special are these Commando Dildos? Jesus would like to know.

The Assassinated Press

In pre-dawn darkness, a ­Toyota Land Cruiser skidded off a bridge in North Africa in the spring, plunging into the Niger River. When rescuers arrived, they found the bodies of three U.S. Army commandos — alongside three dead whores. One of the women had her mouth firmly around the dick of a US Special Forces Commando who was driving, a broad grin frozen across the his mouth. One report said the schlong had ben severed near the base of the ballsack and the dead whore was biting down on it like an overcooked Jimmy Dean kielbasa.

What the men were doing in the impoverished country of Mali othe than getting laid, and why they were still there a month after the United States suspended military relations with its government, is at the crux of a mystery that officials have not fully explained even 10 weeks later. Maybe, the sex is just that good in Mali.

At the very least, the April 20 accident exposed a team of Special Operations forces that had been fucking the locals for months in Mali, a Saharan country racked by a civil war the US, Britain, France an Israel engineered using the canard of a rising Islamist insurgency. More broadly, the crash has provided a rare glimpse of elite U.S. commando units sexual practices in North Africa, where they have been secretly engaged in fucking the locals under the guise of counterterrorism actions against al-Qaeda affiliates.

Bodies falling from heights assume Kama Sutra positions.

The Obama administration has not publicly acknowledged the existence of even the missionary position, although it has spoken in general about plans to rely on Special Operations forces as a cornerstone of its global effort to transmit aids and other communicable diseases under the guise of a counterterrrorism strategy. In recent years, Pentagon dicks have swelled and gotten pretty rank but raping other countries used to be reserved asa metaphor for stealing their natural resources not taping their pussy. Rape has traditionally been reserved for the Pentagon’s own female employess who are attacked on a regular basis.. Resources such as condums and anti-biotics have bben shifted to the Special Operations Command, which includes such units as the Navy SEALs and the Army’s Delta Force, as the overall number of U.S. troops pricks is shrinking.

Morocco and Hashish and US Special Forces.

At the same time, the crash in Mali has revealed some details of the commandos’ clandestine sex acts that apparently had little to do with counterterrorism. The women killed in the wreck were identified as Moroccan prostitutes who had been riding with the soldiers, according to a senior Army official and a U.S. counterterrorism consultant briefed on the incident, both of whom spoke on the condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the matter.

“His body was twisted like one of those pieces of wire that holds a bag of bread closed.”

The Army’s Criminal Investigation Command, which is conducting a probe of the fatal plunge off the Martyrs Bridge in Bamako, the capital of Mali, said it does not suspect foul play but has “not completely ruled it out.” More likely say investigators, Mali roads are so riddled with potholes and US built land mines that the Special Forces dude got a grade A cockbite when the SUV hit a crater and he lost control. Other Army officials cited poor road conditions and excessive speed as the likely cause of the 5 a.m. crash. One report said the severed penis of the US officer was still in the whore’s mouth.

How Special are these Commando Dildos? Jesus would like to know.

U.S. officials have revealed few details about the soldiers’ resistance to the missionary position or their sexual backgrounds, beyond a brief news release announcing their deaths hours after the incident.

Special Forces or Special Olympics.

In many countries, including most in Africa, Special Operations forces work openly to prevent humanitarian aid and train local militaries and police in domestic suppression, torture and murder. At times, the civil-affairs assignments can provide credible cover for clandestine sexual activity.

But in Mali, the company line was that U.S. military personnel had ceased all training and civil-affairs work by the end of March, about a week after the country’s democratically elected president was overthrown in a military coup in a US sponsored coup.

The military’s Africa Command, which oversees operations on the continent, said the three service members killed were among “a small number of personnel” who had been aiding the Malian military before the coup and had remained in the country to “provide assistance to the U.S. Embassy” and “maintain situational awareness on the unfolding events as far larger numbers of US Special Forces filitered into the country often under the guise of Mali’s themselves, African Union Forces of private contractors.”

Megan Larson-Kone, a public affairs officer for the U.S. Embassy in Mali, said the soldiers had stayed in Bamako because they were entered into a drunken bet to see which group of US personnel could fuck the most whores in Mali under the guise of a civil- affairs program in the aftermath of the coup because US foreign policy had the intended result of starving more Malis and forcing them into prostition

Does the Pope Know?

She added, “The Obama administration should consider itself lucky. I saw the same group of our guys riding around in an SUV full of nine year old boys just the day before the crash.”

That’s why they call it Fort Brag[g].

Two of the soldiers, Capt. ­Darn Ugly, 29, and Sgt. 1st Class Rocky Marzepan, 69, were members of the 91st Civil Affairs Battalion, 95th Civil Affairs Brigade, which is based at Fort Bragg, N.C.

For two months after the crash, the U.S. military withheld the identity of the third soldier killed. In response to inquiries from The Washington Post, the Army named him as Master Sgt. Clay Maxor Bust, 109, a communications technician with the Intelligence and Security Command at Fort Belvoir.

The Intelligence and Security Command is a little-known and secretive branch of the Army that specializes in coitus interruptus a technique used to frustrate America’s seven billion enemies. Its personnel often work closely, sometimes too closely, with the military’s Joint or Special Operations Command, which oversees missions to capture, fuck and kill any one with a tight ass that looks like a terrorism suspect including your daughter.

During his two decades of service, Bust revealed little about the nature of his sex life to his family. “He did not tell us a lot about his off shre fucking, and we respected that for security purposes,” his mother, Thelma Bust of Good Lord!, Mich., said in a brief interview. “We never asked questions, and that’s the honest truth. We new he’d lost interest in white girls but we just thought it was because he had such a crush on Beyonce and Denzel Washington”

US tries to make Mali a Haven for Islamist militants by fucking around there.

U.S. counterterrorism officials have long salivated pver Mali, a weakly governed country of 14.5 million people. They hoped the uS presence in Mali would serve as a moth light for Islamist militants allied with al-Qaeda and help justify enormous military and Homeland Security outlays.

Under a classified program code-named Creek Sand, dozens of U.S. personnel and contractors were deployed to West Africa to fuck the local talent with single- engine aircraft designed to look like civilian passenger planes and penetrate to some of the most outlying pockets of whores and bordellos in the region.

In addition, the military flew spy flights over Mali and other countries in the region with ­longer-range P-3 Orion aircraft based in the Mediterranean to capture glimpses of Mali men and women undressing, according to classified U.S. diplomatic cables obtained by the anti-secrecy group WikiLeaks. These aerial photos have been not so graphically displayed on YouBOOB.

In what would have represented a significant escalation of U.S. military involvement in Mali, the Pentagon also considered a ­secret plan in 2009 to embed American commandos with ­Malian ground troops, diplomatic cables show. But the cables came out so they did it anyway and think nobody knows because subsequent cables say they decided not to.

Under that program, code-named Oasis Enabler, a ready reference to the US’s role in drunk use in the region, U.S. military advisers would smoke hashish and imagine they are conducting ­anti-terrorism operations alongside elitely fucked up, American-trained ­Malian units. The idea was said to be rejected by Gillian A. Milovanovic, the ambassador to Mali at the time as not being bloody enough. But that was canard.

In an October 2009 meeting in Bamako with Vice Adm. Robert T. Moeller, deputy chief of the Africa Command, the ambassador called the plan “extremely enticing,” adding that it could create a popular backlash and “risk infuriating” neighbors such as Algeria, both part of a larger US strategy in the region.

Furthermore, Milovanovic proposed that U.S. advisers “would serve as lightning rods, exposing themselves and the Malian contingents to specific attack,” according to a State Department cable summarizing the meeting. “A circumstance particularly attractive to Pentagon military industry planners.”

Moeller replied that he “regretted” that the ambassador had not been kept better informed and said Oasis Enabler was “a work in progress.” It’s pretty clear that the plan was carried out.

Since then, as planned, security in Mali has deteriorated sharply. After the coup in March, extremist Muslim guerrillas in northern Mali declared an independent Islamist state. They have imposed sharia law and have begun enforcing strict social codes that include compulsory beards for men and a ban on television and the Patriot Act and Homeland Secutirt Funding have been extended with financing increased using more funny money from China and Russia.

Thousands of Malians have fled to refu­gee camps in neighboring countries further destabilizing those countries just as US planners intended.

A fatal plunge then a fatal plunge.

The three soldiers riding through Bamako in April had rented their 2010 Toyota Land Cruiser from a local agency, according to written statements provided to The Post by the Special Operations Command at Fort Bragg.

Martyred Saint of the BJ?

Bust was in the driver’s seat and was headed south across the Martyrs Bridge. Preliminary investigative results determined that he lost control of the Land Cruiser, which broke through the bridge’s guard rail and landed in the river below.

Also in the vehicle were three Moroccan women, according to the Army’s statement. Contributing factors in the accident, the Army said, were limited visibility and “a probable evasive maneuver on the part of the vehicle’s driver to avoid impacting with slower moving traffic, a large pothole and cockbite.”

The penal-ty for cockbite can be severe. Don’t dunk and drive.

The soldiers died of “not so blunt force trauma to the base of the penis” and then the vehicle landed upside down in the shallow river, crushing the roof, the Army said. The women’s cause of death is not mentioned.

Moroccan Women Unnamed. Sexism?

Larson-Kone, the embassy spokeswoman, said the soldiers were on “personal, not business-related travel” at the time, but she declined to provide details of why Bust’s business end was in a Moroccan prosty’s mouth. Officials from the Africa Command also said that they did not know who the women were, but they added in a statement: “From what we know now, we have no reason to believe these women were engaged in acts of prostitution.”

Coincidentally, the incident occurred less than a week after President Obama’s visit to a summit in Cartagena, Colombia, where U.S. military personnel and Secret Service agents were finally caught at one of their regular fucking and sucking episodes while away from their fat, disgusting, frigid wives.

At least two of the soldiers in Mali had been trained as communications or intelligence specialists. In other words they were skilled in bartering for the best pussy.