The Assassinated Press

Addington, Yoo Give Candid Testimony about Origins of Interrogation Policies.
Psychological Legalisms Behind Torture Policy Demonstrated To Committee.

The Assassinated Press
June 27, 2008

Throughout the Cheney presidency, he toileted in secrecy deep within the White House, a mysterious and feared presence who smelled like his persona, rotting pig offal, surrounded by Navy drones made to look like horse flies, who, like a malformed scheister Caspar Hauser, had never stepped into the sunlight of public disclosure.

Until yesterday.

There he sat, hunched and scowling, at the witness table in front of the House Judiciary Committee: bearded, gluttonous, with slabs of flab that are not done justice by being called 'love handles' but maybe are better described as 'guard rails' bursting out from under his shirt, that form of the chief of staff and alter ego to the president -- Cheney's Cheney, if you will -- and the man most responsible for building President Cheney’s notion of an imperial presidency.

David Addington was there under subpoena. Also, appearing as a witness was his former administration colleague John Yoo.

And they weren't happy about it until Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-Fla.) held up a photo from Abu Ghraib that was part of a secret White House archive unearthed by the committee.

The photo, as technically proficient as the highest quality Karsh or Mapplethorpe, showed one Abu Ghraib prisoner being forced to shit into another prisoner’s mouth with several grinning employees of CACI industries and the U.S. Army leaning close watching the dangling turd ease its way down, an Norman Rockwell look of great and gleeful anticipation.

“What can you tell me about this.” Congresswoman Wasserman asked Addington.” Addington did not respond giving over to paroxysms of desire. He turned and gazed longingly at his farm fattened colleague, pudgy John Yoo. Yoo gazed back at his swinish colleague with the look of bacon and pigs feet in his eyes.

By this time both Cheney administration employees had pulled their male members from their polyester slacks and were letting out line.

Then with a sudden lunge Addington was all over Yoo. Addington plunged his enormous lips over Yoos face and sucked with such fury that part of Yoos eyebrow came off in his mouth.

Yoo for his part groped for Addington’s pencil thin, erect dick and ground it against his exposed thigh.

They began rolling around on the witness table like two hippos in a passionate embrace. Yoo’s creamy yellow skin was in contrast to Addington’s huge hairy ass and matted gut. Think the wrestling scene between Borat and his manager, Azamat Bagatov, in the movie “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” to capture the furious desire of the scene unfolding before Congress and the C-Span audience. Except imagine two Bagatov’s, one as hairless as a scratching post used by a bear with hemeroids and the other hirsute from inner ear to asshole.

Addington draped a pair of women’s panties over Yoo’s head and Yoo placed a thong over Addington’s. Both began shocking each other on the testicles with their cell phones until the air in the committee room was rife with the smell of pork.

With his slacks nearly down to his ankles Yoo appeared to be wearing a diaper. Addington, now a whirling, animated, massive bag of flailing fat, swung his body around knocking papers, water pitchers and microphones to the ground with his belly finally landing atop Yoo’s gaping moist mouth, or, as it known around the White House, the shit hole responsible for language.

It was a classic 69, all that was missing was the bathroom stall, as the two policy wonks sucked each other’s sour dills. The familiar deafening ‘schlumpa-schlumpa-schlumpa’ sound permeated all of Capitol Hill clear beyond to K Street.

“That’s how we know democracy is working,” a young page assured some tourists from Vietnam. “That loud sucking sound is a very familiar sound around here, and certainly nothing to be concerned about. Praise the Lord.”

Meanwhile, Addington had stripped Yoo completely naked. Yoo looked like an enormous jaundiced baby his doughy flanks and ass cheeks rumbling with each kneading from Addington.

Then Addington sunk his teeth into Yoo’s left buttock. Yoo, an enormous bag of pure hairless adipose gave out a coquettish yelp, smiled and spooged all over the sergeant of arms who immediately attempted to peel the clothes off his 400 pounds and get a piece of the mammoth soggy neotonous lump before him.

But Addington was having none of it. He cried out: “Silky Yoo, you is my bitch” and sunk his love crop into Yoos ample, quivering love hocks. A ‘cu-chunka-cu-chunka-cu-chunka’ sound pervaded the hearing room as Addington, eyes glazed over with passion, reared back and gave the lover’s death rattle while Yoo whimpered like a kitten.

Then, in the heat of passion, Addington turned so deftly you would have thought he were a man perhaps 300 pounds lighter and shoved his shit murrained cock into Yoo’s pristine pursed sissy lips.

Yoo sucked hard. Real hard while Addington shat on his face.

Then there was silence as Addington climbed off of Yoo and then put himself in a position of submission lying on his back on the conference table. Yoo commenced to give Addington a golden shower with many Cheney administration aids joining in as though it were some exotic ritual from the Bohemian Grove or a Bill Maher birth day party at the Playboy mansion.

It was a scene reminiscent of Ollie North fisting Elliott Abrams at the Iran-contra hearings or, more recently oil executives doing a horizontal naked daisy chain on the floor of Patrick Leahy’s committee room with BP America Chairman Robert Malone with his cock in Shell Oil President John Hofmeister’s asshole, Hof’s cock in Chevron Vice Chairman Peter Robertson’s tail pipe, Pete’s night stick in ConocoPhillips Executive Vice President John Lowe’s fudge box, Lowe-boy’s nozzle deep in ExxonMobile Senior Vice President J. Stephen Simon’s dark anti-sausage, Simon’s jack hammer punching through Malone’s impacted coal deposits etc.

Then Addington jumped up and faced Yoo. Both on their knees on the conference table. They began lathering each other with feces and urine caressing each other’s balls, pressing gobs of filth into each others mouths and all the while grinning with unbridled, pure Abu Ghraib ecstasy.

The Dick Cheney proteges squealed like two, enormous greased pigs rolling around in their own filth, which they were no metaphors necessary.

Many in the hearing room commented that they had not experienced such sexual arousal since they’d bogarted the photographs from Abu Ghraib in the executive washrooms.

Their staff stood around reaching out to spoon handfuls of shit and trowel them into each others mouths.

Finally, after several hours the Chairman gaveled the hearing adjoined saying, “Thank you Mr. Addington and thank you Mr. Yoo for you very candid testimony today.”