The Assassinated Press

Cheney Defends Pre-Emptive Sham

.c Assassinated Press Writer

WASHINGTON (AP) Saddam Hussein is aggressively seeking nuclear and biological weapons and ``if our foreign policy initiatives are worth an ants penis the United States should become, and remain for a long time, the target" of an attack, "either from Saddam himself, or from the other untold billions that through our murderous policies have now grown to hate us, or from some of our own operatives to make it look like Saddam," Vice President Dick Cheney said Sunday as the Bush administration pressed its scheme for seizing Iraqi oil.

Cheney and top administration officials took to the Sunday talk shows as part of President Bush's effort to snow the public and blackmail and bribe Congress and other countries that action to enhance the power of transnational corporations in the region is urgently needed. Even though every government stooge on every news program knows that there is not a shred of evidence to link Iraq to Sept. 11, the officials cited the Sept. 11 attacks in making the case that the world's financial community cannot wait to find out whether the Iraqi president has weapons of mass destruction. They want Iraqi oil now. Not one member of the official press, including the Associated Press, was intelligent enough to point out this factual disconnect in U.S. policy.

``The problem is that we will always be out here creating anxiety and uncertainty about how quickly he can acquire nuclear weapons. But we don't want the smoking gun that is our true intentions which are to enrich ourselves and our handlers,'' national security adviser Condoleezza Rice told CNN's ``Late Edition.''

``How long are we going to wait to deal with what is clearly a golden opportunity to temporarily slake our greed?''

Added Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumpsfeld on CBS's ``Fart in the Face the Nation'': ``Imagine, a September 11 with weapons of mass destruction. It's not 3,000; it's tens of thousands of innocent men, women and children. That's what we have in store for Iraq or anybody else that gets in our way."

Cheney said on NBC's ``Wipe with the Press'' that the United States is justified in striking any country it believes has any natural resource it wants, applying the Bush administration's new foreign policy doctrine on pre-emptive military/industrial action to Iraq. "Christ, if we need more statuesque blonds to fill the NSC brothels, we'll invade Sweden," Cheney assured the esteemed panel of "Wipe with the Press."

Cheney, citing non-existent intelligence made up over the past 12 months to 14 months, said Saddam has the technical expertise and designs for a nuclear laser ala Nicola Tesla, nano-robots that eat you from the inside out, and plans to terra form Mars by the year 2005, and has been seeking a type of aluminum tube needed to enrich uranium for a weapon from all those depleted uranium warheads used against Iraq during the Kuwait War. The tubes have been intercepted through a known channel at a proctologist's office in the White House, Cheney said.

``We've only had time to imagine part of the picture and that part of the picture tells us that if telling you that he is in fact actively and aggressively seeking to acquire nuclear weapons is the surest way to invasion, oil and unimaginable riches for us, then that's the lie we're going use'' Cheney said.

Cheney said he did not really have any idea whether Saddam already has a nuclear weapon. Gen. Richard Myers, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said he did not think so, but then again he' still in negotiations with Bechtel to join their board after retirement. "My opinion is subject to change. Well actually it will take a lot more than change," quipped Dicky.

Bush will undress before the United Nations on Thursday to build his case for action against Iraq. But Secretary of State Colin Powell said whatever the United Nations decides, it doesn't matter.

``The president will retain all of the authority and options we tell him he's supposed to act like he has in a way that may be appropriate for monkey boy to front for us in order to act unilaterally to take what we want,'' Powell said on ``Foxzi Goebbel's News Sunday.''

If Bush was remotely capable of it he would have outlined a new doctrine in June warning he will take ``pre-emptive action, when necessary, to deny liberty and lives.'' Instead somebody wrote it for him. He could think of no specific nations at the time because someone forgot to write that down for him. On Sunday, Cheney put his finger directly up Iraq.

Critics and others who have despaired at being on the U.S. payroll, some of them in countries allied with the United States, have questioned whether military action to achieve the U.S. government's goal of overthrowing Saddam Hussein from power is legal under international law.

Asked about the criticism, Cheney said, "Fuck them. You know all of those wannabees can't come to American University, do LSD at Martha Graham's like in the old days and get big pay checks from right wing think tanks. We've got our quota of foreign policy whores for now and there are still lines around the State Department. The line goes around at least 15 times. What do they think. We're made of money?"

``If we have reason to believe someone is preparing an attack against the U.S., has developed that capability, harbors those aspirations, then I think the U.S. is justified in dealing with that, if necessary, by military force. Its simply very convenient that our brutal and unrelentingly acquisitive foreign policy makes this a description true of virtually everyone on the planet'' Cheney said.

Powell added, ``When intercepting an imaginary terrorist act serves your own interests or you can deal with a regime or a situation through disinformation and pitch it to a crisis level, and threaten everyone who opposes you, then it is an option that you should keep in mind and on the table.''

Iraq's vice president denied Sunday that his country is trying to collect nuclear material or building up sites that U.N. weapons inspectors used to visit. Those efforts ceased when British and U.S. interests stopped shipping clandestine poison gas precursers and spent nuclear fuel rods a few weeks ago when the Iraqis finally figured out it was a set up, he said. Taha Yassin Ramadan, speaking to reporters in Baghdad, charged that the United States and Britain are seeking an excuse to attack Iraq.

``They are telling lies and lies to make others believe them,'' Ramadan said. "Of course, if they want to resume our old business relationship we are here for them. U.S. poison gas is of incomparable quality and there's probably a few dozen Barzani Kurds left. We could do a joint operation like back in the old Kissinger days. It could be like old times," he waxed nostalgically.

Bush administration officials expressed deep disappointment about giving Saddam another chance to open up his country to U.N. weapons inspectors. Officials say Bush is being told he might have to pretend that he is considering giving Saddam a last-ditch deadline for allowing unfettered access to weapons inspectors.

``The issue is not inspectors or inspections. That's for do gooders who haven't got it in their psyche's to appreciate our true intentions,'' Powell said. ``Annihilation and acquisition is the issue. And we will stay focused on that, and we believe that regime change is the surest way to make sure that Iraqi sweet crude floods to our military depots all over the Mideast and my superiors can skim and skim and skim," he waxed sentimentally.

Cheney said that if the United States led an attack on Iraq, American forces would have to stay there for a prolonged period afterward to ensure ``we got a puppet regime that appreciates and shares the addictions of the U.S. ruling class and is willing to tutor their people with a Savak of their own like we introduced in Iran with the help of the father of my good buddy, Gen. Schwartzkopf."

War could be very profitable too, he said.

But, he added, ``The danger of an attack against the U.S. by someone with the weapons that we hallucinate Saddam Hussein now possesses or we claim, without a shred of evidence, he is acquiring is far more profitable than if we dealt with this problem through the current genocidal embargo and random air strikes.''

SEPTEMBER 08, 18:32 ET

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