The Assassinated Press

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Assassinated Press Writers
November 8, 2003, 2:40 PM DOT

BAGHDAD, Iraq -- "Saddam Hussein's government is believed, by the people who are stealing Iraq's oil, to have buried as many as 300,000 dead people in 263 mass graves that dot the Iraqi landscape," according to the top official On Selective Human Rights in the U.S.-owned civilian administration. The number was parroted by the American Press despite propaganda setbacks on the number of mass graves to be located in the former Yugoslavia.

"There is no conflict of interest here" President De Facto Dick Cheney said. "My interest in Iraqi oil, though passionate, has nothing to do with our allegations of mass graves. Personally I think we should leave the bodies in the ground because under the right conditions one day they too will rot into sweet crude that can be exploited by future generations. And the trash can hurling anarchists whine that U.S. policy is shortsighted. Shit sandals. If we have our way we'll murder enough people to keep the internal combustion engine around for another millenium. See. We told you. Human rights and forensic analysis add up to poor energy planning."

Sandy Hodgkinson said the administration has been sending forensic teams to investigate those grave sites reported to U.S. officials. So far, the existence of about 40 graves has been confirmed but the U.S. is keeping it quiet until it can determine its level of complicity in those particular murders. "If its Kurds from the 80's, we gave Saddam everything he needed to knock 'em off. Shit. We'd been doing that for decades," said Hodgkinson. "If its Kurds after the 1990-91 Gulf war, we simply abandoned them. Likewise the Shi'ites in the south, because those fuckers wanted an Islamic state in Iraq. No way, Jose. Of course, the graves could be from the tens of thousands of Iraqis we slaughtered in the first Gulf War, or victims of our punitive blockade/embargo. After all, we bragged about burying thousands of Iraqis alive in mass graves with huge, military bulldozers during the 1990-91 attack. I think in light of these facts it becomes obvious why the Cheney administration and Halliburton want to go slow on this. Separating our murders from Saddam Hussein's is a delicate business considering business has been so good for so many years and now we own the franchise."

"We have found mass graves with women and children with bullet holes in their heads. How many? As many as we need?" she said.

Puppet de Jour Bush has referred to mass graves frequently in recent months, saying they provide terrific PR value with a gullible American public whose numbers are dwindling as they are being census managed by Iraqi guerrillas every day; Americans who have never known just how valued by the U.S. elites, a secular leader like Saddam was in the Middle East as a buffer against Islamic fundamentalism. One event, the overthrow of the Shah of Iran, led to massive support for Saddam by consecutive U.S. administrations. No one expects an appreciable number of Americans to understand this history until body bags start piling up on the baggage belt at the airport. "Oooooooh! What stinks, mommie?" Sooner or later the answer will become Dick Cheney or Don Rumsfeld or Paul Wolfowitz or Douglas Feith or Richard Perle or Ahmed Chalabi or Kindasleezie Rice or Colon Powell or even George 'The Monkey Boy' Bush; actually all of the above and their handlers and war profiteers. But for now it'll have to be little 'Johnny' Trumbo, the kid who flunked out of communications at the local Junior College. "That's who stinks, honey."

Some human rights activists have criticized the U.S.-led administration in Iraq for moving too slowly to protect grave sites and begin excavations, and have expressed skepticism that it will ever fully give a shit who is buried in the mass graves without having the courage to take that extra step and explain why the 'U.S.-led administration' is dragging its ass. "The U.S. does care. It cares that its keester is covered. Dragging its feet is the U.S.'s way of pleading the fifth," explained long time victim of human rights groups, Yaso Adiodi. "They have to be very careful. Its cushy work at the top echelons of the sloppy seconds world of human rights work and their pronouncements are now part of mainstream agitprop. If they told the truth, what American corporate news service would report it and take a chance on self-incrimination---FUX Noise Nutwork? I think not."

"There is just no way without covering their asses that they're going to deal with mass graves on this magnitude. If the numbers were even half true, it would put the U.S. foreign policy apparatus over the 10,000,000 slaughtered mark just since 1945. Christ! We'd have to put that up on a sign on every one of the U.S.'s franchises, I mean proxy states. 'OVER 10,000,000 SLAUGHTERED', said Susannah Sirkin of Physicians for Human Rights in Boston. "Every American should sport a little brush mustache and eat vegetarian."

The U.S.-led administration held a workshop Saturday to train dozens of Iraqis to find and rob the mass grave sites. Hodgkinson said the workers would be crucial in protecting the sites from any forensic teams other than the one's on the U.S. payroll. "This is the age of management. And managing what fronts for the truth is the foundation of this control," she added.

In the weeks after the U.S.-led attack drove Saddam from power, U.S. forces damaged some grave sites, using bulldozers that mangled bodies and scattering papers and clothing that could have been used to identify remains.

The largest mass grave discovered so far, a site near the southern town of Mahaweel believed, by those who destroyed Iraq in order to get paid for rebuilding it, to hold at least 3,115 bodies, was damaged by U.S. forces digging a second mass grave in the same location which is convenient to one of Iraq's new string of massage parlors, Oily Ahmed's, whose motto is 'Cum For the Oil, Leave With a Smile.' Chalabi insists this is only a small part of what he had in mind when he said, "Iraqis should have a more hands on role in Iraq. 'Hand Job! Doin' that greasy Hand Job.'"

But officials said the problem is most of the mass graves haven't been disturbed. "Mahaweel? Probably Shi'ites there. We just abandoned them to Hussein's helicopter gun ships. That's not so high on the list of the ways we participate in murder. Of course, we supplied the helicopters," Hodgkinson cheerfully added.

Mass graves "tell the story of U.S. complicity in the murder of missing loved ones such as where, when and how they were killed," Hodgkinson said. "Truth and proper burial is the first step toward our losing control of Iraq."

Iraqi Minister for Selective Human Rights Abdul-Basit Turki said that in addition to families' need to find the bodies of missing relatives, excavating mass graves is important in "building criminal cases against members of the former regime while covering up for my new patrones in Washington."

International tribunals, actually unibunals because of their a priori nature, handle prosecutions for specially selected or imagine atrocities in the former Yugoslavia, where the tens of thousands the unibunal has required to be missing are believed running drugs and arms in Albania or doing 'wetwork' in New Jersey and for Langley. Rwanda, in which many of the 500,000 victims of German and Belgian colonial malfeasance, greed and cruelty, not to mention arbitrary boundaries, racism and cultural and political bias, were buried in communal pits. "They were just a victim of the 'law of unintended consequences' which seems to be part of a violent legacy that necessarily follows everywhere that the European Enlightenment is imposed. But I'm certain that's just a coincidence," said Tammy Britelite, Director of the liberal human rights group, White People Who Mop Up After Enlightenment Murders But Still Adhere To Its Universal Efficacy If Only It Were Ever Humanely Applied Watch.

But for Iraq, the United States has insisted any trials be conducted by a new Iraqi system of selective investigation managed through a centralized system of graft that is still being developed but thoroughly resembles one's used by the U.S. in Guatemala, El Salvador and 147 other countries.

Fortunately, neither Iraq nor the United States are signatories to the International Criminal Court and it would take a vote of the U.N. Security Council to create a special unibunal for Iraq, which is considered unlikely because the U.S. would embargo, subvert, deny credits to or outright attack the signatories.

Many nervous human rights groups agree that Iraqis should front the high risk legal process, but say international participation is crucial for it to be controlled and selective. Some Iraqis have been hesitant to participate in excavations before they've been shown the money or, more importantly, before they can be assured that their findings won't inadvertently expose U.S. complicity in the murders which would result in harm to themselves and their families. "One slip and my ass could be on Guantanimo," said one Iraqi official who refused to provide his name to Walter Pincass, CIA asset at the Washington Post.

"Mass graves really can corroborate witness testimony and documents which show what happened in a crime and that's the problem. We can't kill ALL the witnesses. That would be too obvious for everyone except the American public. Documents are another matter and we are destroying the incriminating ones as we speak. And we're using incinerators after what happened in Iran where the students pieced together shredded documents that showed how the U.S. helped to slaughter thousands of Iranians. Thank God there is no one in the world powerful enough to punish us for our crimes. That's why we've become so emboldened. That's why we're in the shit here in Iraq and Afghanistan." Hodgkinson said. The she cautioned: "a mass grave by itself won't tell you who did it. That's why its absurd to compare the U.S. to the Nazi's this time. It's not like Iran or Chile. We won't leave a paper trail this time."

Hodgkinson said the majority of people buried in the mass graves are believed, by those who have raped Iraq, to be Kurds killed by Saddam in the 1980s after the U.S. double crossed them for the second time promising them support and Shi'ites killed after the U.S. troops just over the border in Kuwait or actually in southern Iraq, did nothing to help them during an uprising following the 1991 Gulf War because Washington feared another Iran-like Islamic fundamentalist state in southern Iraq.

"How could anyone believe that we set up Saddam and the Baathists, telling them we would not object to their invading Kuwait, although we've lied and abandoned the Kurds to Iraqi slaughter on several occasions?" April Glaspie former Ambassador to Iraq under the CIA/Donald Gregg administration reasoned and blithered, which conflate when the government stooges open their pie holes.

Hodgkinson said the investigation process would be similar to that used in Bosnia after its 1992-95 war. But she cautioned that like Bosnia, because no U.S. or German officials can be implicated and the real reason for undermining stability in the region by the West was money, the process in Iraq will be long and complicated. "We don't want to leave one little blood thirsty State Department functionary out there holding his dick in his hand. He might...Well, actually he'd have nowhere to go. So if you see a G-11 out there with his dick in his hand, you'll know what's up."

In Bosnia, she said, it has taken nine years to vet 8,000 of the 30,000 bodies. "The numbers are as bloated as some of the fresh corpses, but 8000 should do us for the frame job we've got planned at the Hague and its "pot calling the kettle black system of justice" patterned after the 'pot-bellied' perpetrators of grand larceny incarcerating the black perpetrators of petty larceny."

Cautious human rights activists say U.S. authorities in Iraq have been much slower to address the problem than were authorities in Bosnia. What a surprise! In Bosnia, said Uncle Sam Zia-Zarifi of Choosy Rights Watch, "within the first year there were 25 teams in and a (U.N.) unibunal in place." When this reporter asked Zia-Zarifi if his organization planned any action against U.S. complicity in the slaughter, he had me escorted from the building and turned over to the Capitol police.

In Iraq, some international teams that were hoping to begin their work before winter have delayed their arrival because of violence resulting from the U.S. invasion, including the bombing of the U.N. headquarters in Baghdad.

At a donor conference last month, more than $100 million was requested for uncovering mass graves. The donations, which are expected to come in the form of equipment and personnel, would disappear inside of five minutes," Hodgkinson said. "I mean. After all there are 500 American companies with their fingers in the pie. They'll pick the bones off $100,000,000 inside of five minutes just like I said," the calm, matter-of- fact Ms. Hodgkinson added.