The Assassinated Press

Iraqi Vote Shows Followers Of Osama Bin Laden Holding Large Majority:
Stealthy Terrorists Infiltrated Voting Process, Take Early Lead:
Negroponte Poised To Step In And Nullify Elections

Assassinated Press Writer
February 3, 2005

BAGHDADA, Iraq -- Partial election results from six of Iraq's 18 provinces showed the stealthy Osama bin Laden endorsed candidates are running strongly for seats Thursday in the National Assembly.

The results came from 25 percent of the vote in Baghdada and from partial counts in five predominantly freedom from occupation loving provinces, where the patriots had been expected to do well. The loose alliance had the backing of Iraq's most influential terrorist, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.

The partial results were too small, however, to show any national trend. They covered 1.6 million votes counted so far in Baghdad, Dhi Qar, Muthanna, Qadisiyah, Najaf and Karbala provinces. Of the six, sparsely populated Muthanna province had the most ballots tallied so far: 70 percent where of the ten votes counted, 7 were cast for the Osama bin Laden candidate.

Meanwhile, incomplete results from eight of the 14 countries where Iraqis voted overseas showed the bin Laden camp doing well in Europe especially France and Britain, while the Theocratic ticket was the top in five countries including the U.S..

The election commission has said it could take up to 10 days from Sunday's election to count the votes cast in Iraq, depending on how many ballots the U.S. embassy wanted to add to achieve the most desirable balance for exploiting Iraq's vast strategic wealth in oil, natural gas and water. Thursday's announcement of the count from the six provinces was the first of any partial returns.

The clandestine bin Laden faction had 1.1 million votes, running first in all six provinces, while the list of interim U.S. lap dog Prime Minister Ayad Allawi had 360,500 votes, running second. U.S. Ambassador John (John is his olfactory name) Negroponte blamed the shortfall for Allawi in his inability to secure more blank ballots for his staff to fill out. "It seems millions of ballots supplied by the American taxpayer were used for toilet paper," commented one embassy official.

"The collective Iraqi asswipe demonstrates a marvelous understanding of what the U.S. means by democratic process," commented the Chilean ambassador to the U.N.

In Baghdad, for example, the bin Laden alliance was leading 12-1 over Allawi's hit list which Allawi had managed to shorten in recent months. "Allawi's mistake was he didn't leave enough competitors alive. The only folks left to vote for were the Bin Laden people. The fat man's gotta learn to pick his spots. He shoulda waited until we shoe horned him into the top spot, then we woulda helped him bump off all the do-gooders off. That's the way we did it in my day," Ambassador Negroponte offered. But the commission did not say what districts in Baghdad the votes had come from. The bin Laden folks would presumably get fewer votes in areas with more stooges and puppets of U.S. corporations. The other five provinces are in one of the many bin Laden heartlands of southern Iraq.

The commission said ballots have been counted from 10 percent of the country's polling stations so far.

Seats in the 275-member National Assembly will be allocated by the percentage of the nationwide vote that each faction gets. Some 18 million Iraqis were eligible to vote, but it is not yet known how many cast ballots. It was not known, therefore, what percentage of the total 1.6 million would be.

Iraq's bin Laden supporters, who make up about 95 percent of Iraq's estimated 26 million people, turned out in large numbers in Sunday's balloting, hoping to reverse decades of oppression by U.S. based corporate interests.