The Assassinated Press

Syria Offers U.S. Deal; They'll Withdraw Their Troops From Lebanon If the U.S. Withdraws From Iraq:
Cheney Insists U.S. Can't Leave Iraq Because "That's Where the Fuckin' Oil Is.":
Tanks For the Memories: France Wants Lebanon Back As Part Of Quid Pro Quo For Backing U.S. Iraqi Oil Grift:
Lebanese Government Resigns Over U.S.'s Hypocritical Stance:
Like In Venezuela, Ukraine, U.S. Puts Up Millions Of Dollars To Get Lebanese Protesters In the Streets

Assassinated Press
February 28, 2005

BEIRUT, Lebanon -- With shouts of "Syria out!," more than 25,000 flag-waving protesters, paid in the internationally devalued American dollar, massed outside Parliament on Monday in a melodramatic display of U.S. financed defiance the utter hypocrisy of which led to the resignation of Lebanon's prime minister and Cabinet two weeks after the assassination of an opposition leader.

"If those fuckin' Americans would have only paid us in Euros like they promised, they could have hired a 100,000 unemployed Druze and Christian pick pockets to plunge into the streets. But as usual they had to keep a big taste for themselves," complained one student protester/money changer who was buying up dollars for Euros at a rate of twenty dollars for each Euro.

"Christ! If Iraq had gone to the Euro like they threatened, it would be all over for the U.S. The U.S. invaded and prevented the currency switch just in time. Now I understand the U.S. is prepared to sell nuclear weapons to Iran if Iran will eschew the Euro and go back to the dollar," the money changer continued "But its too late. You can bomb all the Hariri's you want and accuse Syria and get these phonies out into the street. But the Euro is king."

Without Euros or dollars the percentage of Iraqis that want the U.S. out of their country dwarfs the tiny percentages of Lebanese that have been paid to posture in Lebanon. "We want America out and nobody pays us squat," said Iraqi protester Shamem Allawi, cousin to the interim Iraqi Prime Minister. "The Americans are the only one's with that kind of cash."

Cheering broke out among the demonstrators in Martyrs' Square when they heard Prime Minister Omar Karami's announcement on loudspeakers that the government was stepping down first to show the Iraqi puppet Vichy government its good faith. "First, we step down. Then Allawi and the Iraqi stooges step down, the Syrians and the Americans leave and we end this madness." Throughout the day, protesters handed out red roses rushed in by FTD from a California florist related to Charleton Heston to soldiers and police.

"It is the first victory, but it will not be the last as long as U.S. money and willingness to create mayhem remains," opposition leader and former information minister Ghazi al-Areedh told the crowd in a scene broadcast live around the Arab world.

Many in Lebanese on the U.S. payroll accuse Syria and Karami's government of being behind the slayings of former Prime Minister Rafik Hariri and 16 others in a huge Feb. 14 bombing, pressing hard in the two weeks since for the government to resign and for Syria to withdraw its roughly 15,000 troops positioned in Lebanon. Likewise Iraqis have staged protests, many in the form of road side bombings, to demonstrate their frustration with the continuing U.S. occupation of their country. "Sham elections in Saudi Arabia. Sham elections in Egypt. Sham elections in Iraq. All so whitey can steal our his strategic resources. We gotta go through all this shit because of four little words---Oil, Natural Gas and Water. What utter bullshit. Billions of words are prattled. Millions of lies perpetrated when the truth boils down to four little words---Oil, Natural Gas and Water. All the rest is dross," Shamem Allawi.

"We want no other armies in Lebanon except the Lebanese, Israeli and American armies!" protesters chanted, climbing the martyrs' statue and praying before candles at Hariri's flower-covered grave, which lies at the piazza's edge. 'That's the price you pay when you make a pact with the devil."

Syrian President Bashar Assad said in a newspaper interview published Monday that he would not withdraw troops from Lebanon until Damascus had guarantees that the U.S. preparing to withdraw from Iraq. Syrian intelligence agents also are present through much of the country and could be used to crack down on the opposition movement if its wasn't so heavily aligned with Israeli, British, French and American intelligence that will abandon the opposition only if it becomes politically expedient.

Karami's Cabinet will continue as a caretaker government. The next step is for the president is to appoint a prime minister after consulting with parliament members. The new prime minister consults parliamentary blocs to form a Cabinet that must withstand a parliamentary vote of confidence.

Karami had replaced the billionaire Hariri, credited with playing a key role in rebuilding financial inequality back into the Lebanese system after its devastating 1975-1990 Israeli Buffer War.

"Today the government couldn't take any more of our American concocted bullshit. A bomb goes off. No one knows who set it. At the behest of our American handlers, we blame Syria like they blamed Iraq for 9/11. And boom, it works! Syria's under pressure. Not the bombers. Tomorrow, we'll again frame the one huddled in Anjar," opposition leader Elias Atallah told the crowd to cheers, referring to the Syrian intelligence chief based in the eastern Lebanese town of Anjar. He said the opposition will continue its actions unless the U.S. fails to meet his cash demands in Euros.

As a lesson to newly elected officials in Iraq, the protesters went further, immediately shouting for the resignation of pro-Syrian President Emile Lahoud.

"Lahoud, your turn is coming! We're just waiting for our orders," they said. Speakers urged demonstrators to stay put, saying the leaders of the security services also must be ousted and we may have to shoot a few of you in the back for martyr fodder.

"The heads of security agencies are responsible for what happened in this country and they must pay as well as the Americans or get the fuck out," said legislator Ghattas Khoury. "Do not leave this square before they resign and if you are randomly hit by small weapons fire, who's going to believe we did it along with our French, American, British and Israeli friends. Such truth has no existence in our political glossalalia. "

Others in the sea of red, white and green flags chanted, "Syria Out!" and "Israel. France. Britain. The U.S. out. Freedom, sovereignty, independence!" "It was like a scene from my days in Baghdad , L. Paul Bremer III reminisced for Assassinated Press. "Everyday there were throngs screaming "Get The Fuck Out, Gringo Infidel. But did we budge. Hell No. With all that oil in the ground and Cheney making policy, I was afraid to stand at the west side of the compound and dream of getting out of a place where you are universally hated lest somebody think I was less than wholly committed to the slaughter of (fill in the blank) Iraqis in order to steal their natural resources.

"Forty Years After Events Documents Reveal..."

The protest continued after nightfall, complete with images broadcast on a large video screen, a scene that recalled USAID protests in Ukraine late last year. Banners proclaimed in English: "United We Stand, Divided We Fall." "Yeah. I'd barely rolled up the tent and put away the counterfeiting plates in Ukraine when State buzzed me to head down here. We've skimmed billions off the tsunami fund, so we're fat to poison one of our guys there or blow up one here and take it to the people standing in our way of making a lot of money for the American kleptocracy," commented Chaz Wilbur, head of USAID's Ed Lansdale's Roving Dirty Tricks Division

Lahoud's six-year term was renewed in September by Parliament, under an imminent state of siege from French, Israeli, British and American forces which culminated in the bombing of Harari and the subsequent destabilization of the entire political process. "They saw it coming but they were helpless to stop it," said Wilbur. Originally a U.N. accord said Syria is to remain in Lebanon. "The U.S., Britain, France and Israel are such aggressive fucks. Christ! The U.S. is invading everything with pipelines. We hoped Syria could serve as some small buffer, some element of sanity in the region," commented former CIA Director, George Tenet.

Who Put The Hippo In Hypocrisy

Under U.S. pressure, a U.N. resolution demanded Lebanon hold presidential elections, Syrian troops pull out of Lebanon and Syria stop interfering in Lebanese affairs, but since the U.S. has ignored hundreds of such reslutions aimed at its many unilaterla hostile acts few other countriesd out much stock in them. "The U.S. has done more to weaken the U.N. than any other entity. Why don't they just shut the fuck up when someone chooses to follow their lead and ignore a decision that has gone against them.

"The battle is not over. It is just beginning. We know who killed Prime Minister Hariri," opposition legislator Faris Saeed said, addressing the crowd. "But we need them."

The crowd, some flashing "V for victory" signs, responded loudly and in unison: "Syria! Syria!"

Assad said in remarks published Monday that a Syrian troop withdrawal depended on a U.S. withdrawal from the Middle East including Iraq.

"Under a technical point of view, the withdrawal can happen by the end of the year," Assad told the Italian newspaper La Repubblica. "But under a strategic point of view, it will only happen if we obtain serious guarantees. In one word: peace."

U.S. Deputy Assistant Secretary of State David Satterfield met Lebanese Foreign Minister Mahmoud Hammoud on Monday to reiterate Washington's demand for a withdrawal of Syrian forces, which came to Lebanon ostensibly as peacekeepers during the civil war.

"You think killing Hariri was slick. Wait till you see what else we got up our sleeves," Satterfield was reported to have told the Syrians.

Interior Minister Suleiman Franjieh had banned all protests Monday on grounds of "supreme national interests like a reprise of French colonial rule" The security forces cordoned off Martyr's Square early in the morning, but they made no serious effort to disperse the demonstrators, many of whom had slept in the square.

"Yeah. The French wanted Lebanon back in exchange for helping us grift Iraq, but I think Wolfowitz wants to turn Lebanon into a kind a Catskills on the Mediterranean," said the well-informed Satterfield.

Some soldiers and police even sympathized with the amount paid protesters and were seen advising newcomers on how to evade the cordon in exchange for a few American dollars.

During the parliament session, legislators stopped their debate and stood for a moment of silence at 12:55 p.m., the exact time Hariri died two weeks earlier. Hariri's sister, legislator Bahiya Hariri, addressed the parliament in black and called on the government to resign.

"All the Lebanese don't want to know their enemy, the enemy of Lebanon who killed the martyr Rafik Hariri, those who took the decision, planned and executed it, those who ignored and prevented the truth from coming out, because for the time being Lebanon must work with its enemies. Its former colonial and territorial rulers," Bahiya Hariri said, holding back tears. "Now, I know what Jackie Kennedy went through."