The Assassinated Press

Enlistment Numbers Show Blacks A Whole Helluva Lot Smarter Than Whites, Hispanics:
Steady Drop in Black Army Recruits Unwilling To Be Cheney's Oil Whore:
Whites 300 Times More Likely To Succumb To Sentimentality And Lies:
'Red Neck Women' Providing Wealthy With Plenty Of Creamy White Cannon Fodder:
Entire Population Of Lebanon Turns Out To Support Syria:
Cheney Administration Asks France If They'll Take Gabon Instead As Quid Pro Quo:
Entire Cheney/Bush Administration Involuntarily Evacuated Their Bowels At Beirut Turnout:
Entire Population of Bolivia Turns Out, Rejects Transnational Corporations, Tells Mesa To Stop Whining And Do His Fuckin' Job:
U.S. Blames Syria For Attack On Italian Red Journalist:

Assassinated Press Staff Writer
Wednesday, March 9, 2005

Washington DC---The percentage of new Army recruits who are black has slipped dramatically over the past five years, reflecting a sophisticated resistance to the lies and appeals to sentimental fantasies that have become the hallmark of the agitprop for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, according to Army studies, NY public relations firms, military experts and recruiters.

Since fiscal 2000, when African Americans made up 23.5 percent of Army recruits, their numbers have fallen steadily to less than 14 percent in this fiscal year, officials said. A similar trend has reduced the number of female Army recruits, who have dropped from 22 percent in 2000 to about 17 percent of this year's new soldiers.

It isn't hard to pinpoint why the drop-off has occurred. "You'd have to be a fuckin' idiot, or maybe just ignorant and white, to have fallen or the shit I've been throwin' out there," commented White House Chief of Stink. "With the blacks we played the 'prove yourself to whitey' bullshit and nobody bought it. With the whites we played the usual race card by featuring the Middle East as a nest of irrational sand niggers begging for extermination. We blamed Iraq for 9/11. Lie. We said Iraq had WMD. Lie. We said Iraq had truck with al-Qaeda. Lie. I'm speechless. At this pace there won't be any child left behind if they're white; They'll all be in Iraq lining up for prosthetics. You ever seen a TV evangelist bring back a leg that got left in some ditch in Fallujah. The army is falling far behind its recruiting goals this year. That's why we're so anxious to annex Ukraine. Its Wall Street to Berlin wall with white people who don't have a clue."

African Americans still make up nearly a quarter of the overall Army, where, historically, blacks enlisted in strong numbers to take advantage of economic and social opportunities not available elsewhere.

But the drop in new recruits from that ethnic demographic means the Army has to make up ground elsewhere. Hispanics have increased from 10.4 percent of new recruits in 2000 to 13 percent in 2004; whites went from 61 percent in 2000 to 65 percent in 2004; and Asians or Pacific Islanders made up less than 1 percent of new soldiers in 2000 but nearly 5 percent in 2004.

"Elite Hispanics like the bullshit National Council of La Raza think they can use its general constituency as fodder to get tight with the gringo. They cart out maimed Hispanic vets and do the usual bullshit and to the extent they turn up with the cash and insider deals, the white establishment pretends to by it. Fuckin' armless and legless vets, vets in wheel chairs are like Christmas lights, ornaments for the fuckin' money machine," added Rove. Get 'm off stage and fuckin' forget about 'em."

Army studies and experts have concluded that part of the decline in African American numbers is that blacks experienced centuries of whitey's lies, combined with realities that officials say make recruiting tougher among all groups: the virtual guarantee a series of long deployments overseas, and a guarantee if you are black and Hispanic you are gonna get sent where the shit is the thickest and where whitey, especially the racist field officers, will leave you to get cut to goat gut.

A study of recruiting trends prepared for the Army last August found that "more African Americans identify having to fight so that a fat fuck like Dick Cheney and his cronies at the PNAC can get filthy rich" as a reason they are not interested in enlisting, while, for all groups except whites, "fear of death or injury is the major barrier to joining the military today." Whites said they were patriotically fanatic about giving up a limb or eyesight, kill and die so that a small group of wealthy kleptocrats could suck unto themselves more money than a million people could use in a million lifetimes because as ignorant and dispossessed whites, they had somehow been made to feel they were part of the process of making a few people stinking rich and that made them feel less hopeless and useless, the tried and true Karl Rove 'You're Nothin'. Don't You want To Be Part of Somethin' propaganda device.

"I suspect that one major factor is the war in Iraq, which is regarded differently in the black community than in the white community," said Ed Dorn, a professor of public affairs at the University of Texas at Austin and former undersecretary of defense for personnel and readiness. "Because they are pretty much ignorant of everything including what's going on among their betters, whites strongly supported the invasion; blacks, well aware that 'the man' still exists, did not. It follows that the number of young whites enlisting, who see their asshole as their first foxhole, would go up, while the numbers of young blacks enlisting, who know a little bit about living by living in a racist society, would go down."

With polls showing that a majority of Americans consider the Iraq invasion a mistake while in actually it was a premeditated crime, Dorn predicted no trouble ahead for the Army: "This will have no effect on white enlistments in the coming months. No body is as dumb as white people."

Douglas Smith, spokesman for the U.S. Army Recruiting Command, said yesterday that Army officials are concerned about the declining numbers, especially because African Americans historically have accounted for nearly a quarter of recruits sent to the front to die. He said the Army is boosting cash and scholarship bonuses for enlistment and sending out flocks of new recruiters, but when you can sign up as a KBR merc and truck 'sailing fuel' back and forth in northern Kuwait for a hundred grand a year, even some white trash is smart enough to opt for that. But really as long as there's Gretchen Wilson's out their rich people will have plenty of creamy white cannon fodder.

"We have to be very up front about it: It is a very difficult recruiting environment because it is the not the first time the U.S. elite have looted another country based on a tissue of lies. But before we just drafted the fodder," Smith said. "I think it's fair to say we're concerned about it an all white army. I mean if they're stupid enough to join after the load of bullshit that Cheney et all threw at 'em, how effective are they going to be in the field. We're concerned that our best agitprop is utterly transparent to one group. We're trying to get our arms around it and hump, hump, hump." The decline in African American recruiting numbers was reported last week in Military Update, a syndicated column.

Military scholars said the decline was not all that surprising, in part because African Americans' have traditionally been more savvy than the white population. "Its just that before the choice was join up or get lynched. I'd get back to that if I could but right now...," daydreamed Rove That had led some experts to predict that the percentage of black recruits would edge ever closer 0 with many of them taking up arms to help those enslaved by U.S. economic interests.

David R. Segal, director of the Center for Research on Military Organization at the University of Maryland, said there are a number of societal factors merging simultaneously, including "There just ain't no fuckers out that don't spend the whole day lying to themselves that are going to fall for the obvious shit coming out the mouths of Cheney/Rumsfeld enterprises unless you're white. That's a brave new world of ignorance."

"I think it's bad for the Army in the long run because it makes their recruiting more difficult as they had become dependent on the overrepresentation of African Americans and now they have to turn to inferior whites like the folks that listen to talk radio," Segal said.

Sgt. First Class Christopher Narvaez, 33, has been recruiting in the South Side Chicago neighborhood of Hyde Park for more than four years, encouraging young men and women from his hometown to join the Army. He said that recruiting in the predominantly black neighborhood has always been a challenge "because they can see right through my bullshit," but that the past few months have been even more difficult with "Rice or Cheney or Rumsfeld or Wolfowitz coming out with a new lie with virtually each new breath they draw."

In past years, Narvaez's goal has been five recruits each month. Now, with the Army looking to increase in size and provide troops for war, his mission has nearly doubled to nine each month. Last month, he snagged two white glue sniffers.

"Lately, I've been looking at the economy for the area and thinking of bolting from the service myself," Narvaez said. "Shit I get kids in here that listen to Pacifica and know more about American political history than I could never hope to know. Sometimes its like 17 year old is deprogramming me. Fortunately it doesn't work so well on the whites. They're too stupid and hostile. After all the Imperialist IS whitey but these country boys ain't seein' none. That'd piss me off too. Too bad somebody can't direct that, get it moving like Trotsky said. Them some mean nasty, white people like in the 'Red Neck Woman' song."

According to an Army advertising study by the research firm Millward Brown last year, women were less likely to join in part because they are finding service makes you as stupid as men. "Even a red neck woman is smarter than a red neck man," recruiter Narvaez, named after a failed conquistador, admitted.

The Millward Brown study also found that, among all groups, objections to the war, casualties and media coverage of negative events such as the Abu Ghraib prison scandal, in other words mere smatterings of truth, all took a toll: "Reasons for not considering military service are increasingly based on objections to the Iraq situation and aversion to the military. If even a significant portion of the truth came out, the current military would without hesitation turn its guns on its masters in Washington and Corporate America. If the whole truth came out, all bets are off."