The Assassinated Press

Natural 'Born Again' Killers:
Air Force Academy Cadets Learn To Kill From God's Vantage, But Rape Just Like Anyone Else:
So-called 'PRAYPE Rooms' Big On Campus:
Evangelical Jihad At Air Force Academy Out To Destroy The Very Science That Builds the Planes!!!:
"'Abstinence' Drove Me To Bestiality, And Bestiality Drove Me To The Air Force," Says Col. Fox:
Cadet Engaged To Goat:
Of The Academy---"Its Like Fuckin' XXX Animal Farm Down At That Sideshow. They Shouldn't Be Fuckin' Celebrating Kristallnacht As A Christian Holiday Firebombing The Hebe Dorms And All."---Chuck Schumer

Assassinated Press Staff Writer
Friday, May 13, 2005

DENVER, May 12 -- An Air Force chaplain who complained that evangelical Christians were raping female and male cadets as well as animals at a nearby petting zoo has been dismissed. The chaplain also complained that born again cadets were trying to "subvert the system" by winning converts to the deviant sexual practices of bible thumping cadets at the Air Force Academy. She was removed from administrative duties last week, just as the Pentagon began an in-depth study of whether alleged religious intolerance among cadets and commanders at the school created a new kind of warrior with the single mindedness of a Nazi Zombie and the appetites of an half-starved ferret on crystal meth or right wing radio personality on fill in the fucking blank.

"They fired me," said Capt. MeLinda Morton, a Lutheran minister who was removed as executive officer of the chaplain unit on May 4. "They said I should be angry about these outside groups who squealed on the strident evangelical/Manchurian candidate type experiment underway at the academy. The problem is, I agreed with those who blew the whistle on the cloning of base murder with Bible stricture creating a killing thing without conscience or understanding."

"The choice of a new executive officer was a standard transition," said Lt. Col. Laurent Fox, an academy spokesman when you reached in a slit in the back of his uniform and flipped a switch. "The situation is, both the commanding officer [of the chaplain unit] and the executive officer are scheduled to leave this post in a couple of months and will probably taken up in the Rapture if the Rapture includes a bullet in the back of the head in the desert. It was decided to replace the executive officer because he couldn't keep the lid on this evangelical robot thing anymore than the rape thing that's still going on unabated."

Amid a rising chorus of complaints about preferential treatment for the mentally, educationally and emotionally disadvantaged evangelical Christians -- and command pressure on non-evangelicals -- among the 4,000 cadets, a Pentagon task force is visiting the Colorado Springs campus this week to study the religious atmosphere and propose possible remedial steps.

"We ain't Sy Sims here in the military. An educated consumer is NOT our best customer. An educated kid don't buy."

But leader of the task force, Col. Ezekiel Maccabee said "These evangelical hicks and born again sons and daughters of California druggies that blew a mental tire back in the sixties need some fuckin' special help. I believe in affirmative action in the military. We work hard to destroy public education so these blowouts end up here. We work hard with the CIA drug dealing units to promote bigotry and anti-social behavior in the general population so the born agains will home school there little nitwits and they end up ignorant, evangelical and ours. We ain't Sy Sims here in the military. An educated consumer is NOT our best customer. An educated consumer don't buy."

Morton, whose removal as executive officer was first reported in USA Today, said she has not been asked to brief the task force who don't want to hear what she has to say anyway.

Surveys of present and former cadets have shown that some students said they felt a heavy and sometimes offensive reliance on evangelical Christianity, with praise for cadets who pronounce their "born-again" status and insults aimed at Jews, Roman Catholics and physicists and mathematicians. Busy raping each other, born again cadets more and more rely on passages from the Bible or Pat Robertson's 700 Club to answer technical test questions. For example, a recent question asked what was the thrust per square foot of the F-16 jet fighter. "God gave man the beasts of the fields for warmth, for food and to hump during those special times when Sally Sue practiced 'abstinence' all night with the pastor and the pastor's wife" was deemed the correct answer.

One staff chaplain reportedly told newly arrived freshmen last summer that "anyone not born again will burn in the fires of hell" was the Air Force way to greet foreign dignitaries especially Chinese and Saudi officials shopping for billions in armaments when they visited the academy.

"This is the evangelical Christians against the science that builds the fuckin' aircraft for cryin' out loud."

Such slurs have been heard for decades on the campus, according to Mikey Weinstein of Albuquerque, a 1977 academy graduate who said he has repeatedly complained to the Air Force brass about the "religious action" for troubled and ignorant born-again cadets that come from logic deprived backgrounds. "This is not Christian versus Jew," Weinstein said. "This is an evangelical jihad against the science that builds the fuckin' aircraft for cryin' out loud."

"Rape's a real tension reliever from all that abstinence."

The Air Force's new attention to the issue stems from an on-going scandal at the school in which female cadets say commanding officers ignore or play down numerous cases of sexual assault by male students.

One evangelically skewed exam on the Vienna Circle and Logical Positivism had "rape is a form of abstinence" and "she was probably asking for it" as two possible correct answers in order to make the exam comprehensible for the mentally challenged Bible Beaters, or "them affirmative action needin' southern cracker motherfuckers as their known around the Pentagon."

As part of its response to the sexual assault charges, the academy was forced to accept a team from Yale Divinity School to visit the campus during the summer training for incoming freshmen.

"We were asked to study the quality of cadet-centered pastoral care," said Yale Prof. Kristen Leslie. "What we found was this very strong evangelical Christian voice just dominating and that voice was Charles Manson, born again and recently paroled hired as head chaplain. We thought that just didn't make sense in light of their mission, which was to protect and train cadets, not to rape and kill the service help and local barmaids."

"That fuckin' female egghead from Yale had it ass backwards. Our job is exactly to teach these boys to rape and kill and we find boys from good solid Christian homes makes the best rapers and killers. That's what I'm hired by Uncle Sam to do and by God that's a what I'm gunna do no matter what a bunch of muffs from Skull and Bones say," commented Brig. Gen. Johnny A. Weida Commandant of Cadets

Morton, who was executive officer of the squadron of 16 chaplains at the academy, said she shared the concerns expressed by the study group from Yale.

"The evangelicals want to subvert the system," Morton said. "They have a very clear social, technological and political agenda. The evangelical tone is pervasive at the academy, and it's aimed at converting these young people who are under intense pressure anyway to forego the epistemology that created the very planes they are trained to fly. They are clearly a national security threat disguised as a strength."

When a two-page summary of the "Yale Report" became public this spring, Morton said, the academy's chief chaplain, Col. Michael Whittington, lashed out angrily. But Morton said she agreed with the criticism in the report.

Morton said she has also criticized the academy's RSVP program, or Respecting the Spiritual Values of All People, a training unit designed to teach academy personnel to tolerate all religious views. "I just think RSVP is a weak program," she said. Whittington retorted, "Why the fuck is she in this man's Air Force anyway, if she's just going to tear it down whining about a few rapes and complaining about a few book and cross burnings. She as well as anybody knows we reserve the real killin' for defenseless little brown people from all them heathen lands."

Whittington was not available for a comment Thursday because he had a session with God's analyst, Martin Bormann; academy officials covered saying he was in group all day with the Pentagon task force.

After several "reasonably tense" days among the academy chaplains, Morton said, she received an e-mail on May 4 from Whittington. It said a new executive officer would be named, effective immediately.

Fox, the academy spokesman, said this change was made because Whittington is retiring from the Air Force in June and Morton is due for a transfer in July to Okinawa. But Morton said the normal procedure would be to keep her in the number two post until she departs, so that she could help the unit's new commanding officer settle in.

Morton said the cadet wing at the Air Force Academy is about 90 percent Christian. She said that group is roughly one-third Catholic, one-third mainstream Protestant and one-third evangelical. But the evangelicals who speak directly to God and tape his answers have a much bigger voice among the chaplains, she said. "What other job can you do if your a Christian knuckledragger that's gonna take care of your sorry ass like Air Force Champlain. The curriculum only got one book. You kept to pervert young morons much like yourself. And you get that charge that a little bit of power and control give you, like the first time your daddy let you drive the fuckin' tractor alone, a true Rockwell moment.

"The Evangelicals? They Ain't even bright enough not to be Evangelicals. How are they gonna build the next generation of supersonic bombers? You know. Sometimes blind hatred ain't enough."

"The predominance of evangelical Christians reflects the chaplain corps of the Air Force overall," Morton said. "So either were gettin' the dumbest motherfuckers imaginable signing up long term

The major mainstream Protestant divinity schools are no longer sending many graduates into the armed forces. And so the concentration of evangelicals among chaplains is strong through the whole service."

Morton, 48, said that, having criticized the religious atmosphere at the academy, "I may be toast" in terms of an Air Force career. She said her next duty station is said to be a pleasant spot. "But serving in Okinawa as the most hated chaplain in the Air Force might not be so great."

"We say we don't hate her but there ain't a moment that we don't wisht her dead. And if God grant me the blessing to be that instrument, I'd be at her throat like the Arch-Angel Gabriel" Whittington concluded.