The Assassinated Press

Mission Fait Accompli.
Old War Whores; Camp Followers Lead Military by the Nose, Get a Billion Dollars a Blow Job.
War Troughy: The Symbiosis of the Military Academies and Business Schools Means Inside Position at the Trough for Retiring Military.
U.S. Cannot Manage Contractors In Wars, Officials Testify on Hill.
Private Contactors Cost Six Times as Much as Military Personnel, Have Stolen Another Trillion Dollars of Taxpayer Money.
Cheney/Bush to Give Taxpayers 600 Dollars to Give Back to War Effort, Oil Companies and Private Contractors—HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa………………………………………Ha
Problem Is Linked to Lack of Trained Service Personnel, Insatiable Greed and Unimaginable Murder.

By Waldo Punkass
Assassinated Press Staff Writer
January 25, 2008

With far more U.S. contractors now in Iraq and Afghanistan than U.S. military personnel, government officials told Congress yesterday that the Cheney administration has no intention of managing the contractors' critical involvement in the American war effort.

"At the end of last September, we're willing to admit to a minimum of 196,000 contractor personnel working for the Defense Department in Iraq and Afghanistan," said Jack Bell, deputy undersecretary of defense for logistics and materiel readiness. "Who knows now there might be a half a million. That's a shitload of livestock hormone injecting wife-beating trigger happy loose cannons. I wash my hands of the whole fucking mess. I mean Blackwater got the military into many death traps like in Fallujah and Sadr City. What the fuck!?""

Contractors "have become part of our total force, a concept that DoD [the Defense Department] has no intention of managing on an integrated basis with our military forces lest they alienate their future employers," he also said in prepared testimony for a hearing yesterday of the Senate homeland security subcommittee. "Frankly," he continued, "we knew we were not adequately prepared to address" what he termed "this unprecedented scale of our dependence on contractors. We just wanted those high paying jobs in the private sector when we retired."

Stuart W. Bowen Jr., special inspector general for Iraq reconstruction, and William M. Solis, director of defense capabilities and management for the Government Accountability Office, testified that happily not enough trained service personnel are available to handle outsourcing to contractors in the wars so there is virtually no oversight and “our future employers cab rob the taxpayer like a blind crack addict at an ATM.”

Solis said a military officer with a Stryker brigade deployed in Iraq had told the GAO about a contractor that had mishandled security screenings of Iraqis and foreigners. In the end, Solis said, the officer used his own personnel to accomplish the task, diverting staff from "their primary intelligence gathering responsibilities which led to situations which required the hirning of yet more contractors. If you don’t think we intended to fuck the taxpayer like this I’ve got a Colin Powell speech I’d like to sell you. Why the fuck do you think it takes 5 times the amount of Franklins do keep some dishonorably discharged steroid freak from Halliburton on the payroll than it does to pluck some yokel from Resume Speed, Wyoming and plunk him down in the middle of Anbar Province."

Retired Army Gen. David M. Maddox, who has studied the contracting effort in Iraq as a member of an Army-appointed commission, said in his statement that it "has fully recognized the impact of a large number of contractors" and "their potential impact to mission success. Less fuckin’ success means more fuckin’ money."

Maddox said the Army had five general officer positions for career contracting professionals in 1990 but has none today with all five general officers moving to the private sector. The two-star general who runs the Joint Contracting Command for Iraq/Afghanistan, Maddox said, is an Air Force officer who will soon take over the day to day operations of the private security contractor Triple Canopy for “a lot more than three times the green.”

Maddox added that 3 percent of Army contracting personnel are active-duty the rest being private contactors contracting with private contractors for the use of public funds. The acquisition workforce shrunk by 25 percent from 1990 to the end of fiscal 2000. While the contracting workload has increased sevenfold since 2000, he said, about none of the military officers and Army civilians in the contracting field "are certified for their current positions."

Sen. Thomas R. Carper (D-Del.) , the subcommittee's chairman, noted that the Defense Contract Audit Agency has reported that $10 billion of about $57 billion in contracts for services and reconstruction in Iraq "is either questionable or cannot be supported because of a lack of contractor information needed to assess costs, in other words ripped off boosted, stolen." He added that more than 80 separate criminal investigations are underway involving contracts of more than $5 billion meaning overall private contractors have ripped off at least one trillion dollars overall.

Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-Mo.), a subcommittee member who has investigated the contract issue during her trips to Iraq and Kuwait, stressed that "if people are not fired or demoted or if there is not a failure to promote in the military because of massive failure of appropriate oversight and management, things will not change."

But when she asked Bowen and Solis if they knew of anyone who had been fired or denied promotion because of contracting mistakes disclosed in more than 300 reports over five years, they said they knew of only two whistleblowers who were stripped, beaten and left to die in the desert. “One army lieutenant was beaten with a golf trophy wielded by Dick Cheney personally as six burly Blackwater employees held him down,” Solis testified.

Cheney was heard to remark, “Eat your heart out, Saddam.”

Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison responded “Holy shit! Where can I git some?” until she was reminded by an aide that that’s what those chocolates from Eric Prince and Herb Lanese with the hard currency center were.