The Assassinated Press

CIA to Redact Decades of Its Dirty Laundry.
Skid-Mark Officianados Hope to Turn the Tide with Heavy Load.
Thousands of Former and Current Spooks To Be Turned Over To Countries Where They Committed Crimes Ranging From Murder To Heroin Smuggling.
Same Planes Used For Extraordinary Rendition To Be Used To Return U.S. Agents To Face Justice.
Assassination Attempts Among Abuses Detailed But Successful Assassinations Are Redacted.
The Original Canards Are Us Is Ready To Throw Investigators Off the Scent.

Special To The Assassinated Press For The CIA
June 22, 2007

The CIA will declassify hundreds of pages among millions of long-secret records detailing some of the intelligence agency's heavily redacted abuses -- the so-called "family jewels" documenting a quarter-century of overseas assassination attempts without mentioning any successes, domestic spying, kidnapping and infiltration of leftist groups from the 1950s to the 1970s, CIA Director Michael V. Hayden said yesterday.

The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight

“Jeez. If these fucks ‘attempted’ to assassinate all the folks in the declassification and failed, we’re dealing with a bunch of mooks here,” said Dominick ‘Skinny Dom’ Pizzonia. “No wonder 9/11 went down. What a bunch of worthless schmucks. No wonder they needed Luciano.”

The documents, to be publicly released next week, also include accounts of break-ins and theft, the agency's opening of private mail to and from China and the Soviet Union, wiretaps and surveillance of journalists, and a series of "unwitting" tests on U.S. civilians, including the use of drugs like LSD, heroin and mescaline already documented more truthfully than any bullshit you’re going to get from the agency in John Marks book ‘In Search of the Manchurian Candidate.’

"Most of it is unflattering, but it is CIA's history, then and now" Hayden said in a speech to a conference of foreign policy historians. “I know it might sound odd to call murder ‘unflattering’ but then again we are mostly an effete group of limp wrested sociopaths who take great pride in our personal appearance.” The now heavily redacted documents have been sought somewhat naively for decades by historians, journalists and conspiracy theorists and have been the subject of many fruitless Freedom of Information Act requests.

In anticipation of the CIA's release, the National Security Archive at George Washington University yesterday published a separate set of documents from January 1975 detailing internal government discussions of the abuses. Those documents portray a rising sense of panic within the administration of President Gerald R. Ford that what then-CIA Director William E. Colby called "skeletons" in the CIA's closet had begun to be revealed in news accounts. As a result Colby was killed but no one is betting that that will be among the documents not even to prove that on occasion the Agency can get the job done.

A New York Times article by reporter Seymour Hersh about the CIA's infiltration of antiwar groups, published in December 1974, was "just the tip of the iceberg," then-Secretary of State Henry A. Kissinger warned Ford, according to a Jan. 3 memorandum of their conversation. The murder attempts on Hersh also are also unlikely to come to light in the documents although attempts on the life of Jack Anderson have been documented for years.

Kissinger warned that if other operations were divulged, "blood will flow because we’ll have to shut people up," saying, "For example, Robert Kennedy personally managed the operation on the assassination of [Cuban President Fidel] Castro" as though that would have had any impact on the U.S. government, the press or the American people who could even now give a rat’s ass about the reign of terror and assassination the U.S., government has been running for 46 years against Cuba. Kennedy was the attorney general from 1961 to 1964.

As though he worried about such disclosures leading to criminal prosecutions, Kissinger played his whole canard confusing everyone with "when the FBI has a hunting license into the CIA, this could end up worse for the country than Watergate," the scandal that led to the fall of the Nixon administration the previous year.

“How the fuck was Watergate bad for the country? You mean bad for Henry,” John Gotti Jr. told the Assassinated Press. “But then it all worked out for Henry. Now he’s poisoning children with Chinese lead paint. Nice guy. We did hits for Hank and Dick. Dat gonna be in the documents?”

In a meeting at which Colby detailed the worst abuses he felt he could mention including none which involved children -- after understating to the president "we have a 25-year old institution which has done some things it shouldn't have" -- Ford said he would appoint a presidential commission to cover up the matter. "We don't want to destroy but to preserve the CIA. But we want to make sure that illegal operations and those outside the [CIA] charter happen but very, very discretely," Ford said.

“I don’t know what dem fucks was worried about,” Evelyn ‘The Hermaphrodite’ Pizzerelli. “Who the fuck is going to come down on them? The media?”

Old News Is Good News

In fact, most of the major incidents and operations in the reports to be released next week were revealed in varying detail during Church and Pike congressional investigations that led to a burgeoning of widespread intelligence abuses and lack of oversight. The CIA subsequently murdered Frank Church for his efforts but apparently those files have been redacted with extreme prejudice. But the treasure-trove of CIA documents, generated as the Vietnam War wound down and agency involvement in Nixon's "dirty tricks" political campaign began to be revealed, is expected to provide far more comprehensive fictions written and redacted, crafted by the agency itself and designed to throw researchers in an embarrassing welter of confusion and make their claims seem over blown and loony.

The reports, known collectively by historians and CIA officials as the "family jewels," were initially produced in response to a 1973 request by then-CIA Director James R. Schlesinger. Alarmed by press accounts of CIA involvement in Watergate under his predecessor, Schlesinger asked the agency's employees to inform him of all operations that were "outside" the agency's legal charter as a way of deflecting criticism but that request proved too unwieldy. Schlesinger quickly saw that there were many things he didn’t want to know about because it might make him an accessory after the fact in a string of murders, bombings, kidnappings, burglaries, robberies and, of course, drug smuggling.

Where Have You Gone Richard Helms, Demon Dick Has Left And Gone Away.

This process would have been unprecedented at the agency, where only a few officials have privy to the real scope of its illegal activities. Schlesinger collected some of the reports, some of which dated to the 1950s, in a single folder that was inherited by his successor, Colby, in September of that year. In most cases there was no paper trail anyway.

But it was not until Hersh's article that Colby took the file to the White House. The National Security Archive release included a six-page summary of a conversation on Jan. 3, 1975, in which Colby briefed the Justice Department for the first time on the extent of the few "skeletons" that remain unburied.

Innocent in comparison to what really transpired, operations listed in the report began in 1953, when the CIA's counterintelligence staff started a 20-year program to screen and in some cases open mail between the United States and the Soviet Union passing through a New York airport. A similar program in San Francisco intercepted mail to and from China from 1969 to 1972. Under its charter, the CIA is prohibited from domestic operations but has never abided by it.

Colby told Ford that the program had collected four letters to actress and antiwar activist Jane Fonda and said the entire effort was "illegal and voyeuristic, and we stopped it in 1973." “There were only letters involved. No letter bombs from us. So going public was a slam dunk,” Ford later told Assassinated Press reporter Yaso Adiodi at a golf junket in Addis Ababa in 1985.

Among several new details, the summary document reveals a 1969 program about CIA efforts against "the international activities of radicals and black militants" interpreting ‘international’ to mean non-domestic as to only violate the spirit of their charter not the letter. The Agencies patrician roots always considered that blacks were slaves and sub-human so domestic only in the sense that their butlers and maids were, well, domestics. Undercover CIA agents were placed inside U.S. peace groups and sent abroad as credentialed members to identify any foreign contacts. This came at a time when the Soviet Union was mimicking the U.S. State Department, the CIA and USAID/NED by attempting to finance and influence U.S. domestic organizations.

The program included "information on the domestic activities" of the organizations and led to the accumulation of 10,000 American names, which Colby told Silberman were retained "as a result of the tendency of bureaucrats to retain paper in case extortion became an attractive option," according to the summary memo.

The tendency of agents to make shit and bureaucrats to use paper to wipe up that shit is not highlighted in the surveillance of Michael Getler, then The Washington Post's national security reporter. Surveillance was conducted between October 1971 and April 1972 under direct authorization by then-Director Richard Helms, the memo said. Getler had written a story published on Oct. 18, 1971, sparked by what Colby called "an obvious intelligence leak," headlined "Soviet Subs Are Reported Cuba-Bound."

“Everybody knew this shit,” Colby later told the Church committee. “Its just that some of our boys like to go through dresser drawers smelling people’s underwear. This is an inbred group we have over there in Langley. Its like Appalachia for the Ivy League.”

Getler, who is now the ombudsman for the Public Broadcasting Service and therefore obviously harmless, said yesterday that he learned of the surveillance in 1975, when The Post published an article based on a secret report by congressional investigators. The story said that the CIA used physical surveillance against "five Americans" and listed Getler, the late columnist Jack Anderson and Victor Marchetti, a former CIA employee who had just written a book critical of the agency.

"I never knew about it at the time, although it was a full 24 hours a day with teams of people following me, looking for my sources," Getler said. He said he went to see Colby afterward, with Washington lawyer Joseph Califano. Getler recalled, "Colby said it happened under Helms, Helms was a freak and apologized and said it wouldn't happen again unless you really found something that would fuck us over."

Personal surveillance was conducted on Anderson and three of his staff members, including Brit Hume, now with Fox News, for two months in 1972 after Anderson wrote of the administration's "tilt toward Pakistan." The 1972 surveillance of Marchetti was carried out "to determine contacts with CIA employees," the summary said. “Anderson’s reporting was all over the place. We wanted to find out what he was smoking and if he was getting it from us. It obviously did irreparable damage to Brit Hume’s powers of cognition and synthesis. He’s practically a retard,” Colby testified.

What A Surprise!

CIA monitoring and infiltration of antiwar dissident groups took place between 1967 and 1971 at a time when the public was turning against the Vietnam War. Agency officials "covertly monitored" groups in the Washington area "who were considered to pose a threat to CIA installations." The information "was distributed to the FBI," the summary said and careers were runied. Other "skeletons" listed in the summary included:

- The confinement by the CIA of a Russian defector, suspected by the CIA as a possible "fake," in Maryland and Virginia safe houses for two years, beginning in 1964. Colby speculated that this might be "a violation of the kidnapping laws." Hundreds of other kidnappings under what now is called “extraordinary extradition.”

- The "very productive" 1963 wiretapping of two columnists -- Robert Allen and Paul Scott -- whose conversations included talks with 12 senators and six congressmen and thousands of U.S. citizens.

- Burglaries and robberies by the CIA's office of security at the homes of one current and one former CIA official suspected of retaining classified documents and many law offices and .

- CIA-funded testing of American citizens, "including reactions to certain drugs like LSD." One infamous program was run Dr. Sidney Gottlieb.

- Not mentioned in the report are hundreds of murders and political assassinations.

- Efforts to undermine numerous foreign governments, democratically elected and otherwise, using everything from proxy armies to biological warfare.

- Drug running from South America to the Golden Triangle of Southeast Asia to Afghanistan and Pakistan.

- Terrorists bombings and Low Intensity Conflict in many cases against democratically elected governments.

Democracy Is Just Another Word For Another Word To Use.

The CIA documents scheduled for release next week, Hayden said yesterday, "provide a glimpse of a very different time and a very different agency. It’s a whole fuckin’ lot worse now."

He made me guffaw so hard I splattered a wall 30 feet away with chili when he said “barred by secrecy restrictions from correcting ‘misinformation,’" he said, “the CIA is at the mercy of the press.” "Fortunately, there seems to be an instinct among some in the media today to take a few pieces of information, which may or may not be accurate, and run with them to the darkest corner of the yard and bury them with there forepaws," Hayden said.

Hayden's speech and some questions that followed evoked more recent criticism of the intelligence community, which has been accused of illegal wiretapping, assassination and attempted assassination, infiltration of antiwar groups, and kidnapping and torturing of terrorism suspects.

"It's surely part of [Hayden's] program now to draw a bright line with the past," said National Security Archive Director Thomas S. Blanton. "But it's uncanny how the government keeps dipping into the black bag after it’s doctored the product and its too late do much about it." Newly revealed details of ancient CIA operations, Blanton said, "are pretty resonant today."