The Assassinated Press

Money Traders Betting Against López Obrador Fearing His Election Could Fuck Up Their Cheap Labor Ride:
Money Traders Press USAID And NED For More Support For The Pro NAFTA, Slave Labor Candidate Felipe Calderón

Assassinated Press Foreign Service
July 1, 2006

MEXICO CITY, June 30 -- Investors are betting that Andrés Manuel López Obrador will be the next president of Mexico by not betting. They won’t put their money where their analysis is. They are taking money off the table because they fear better wages for their sweat shop Mexican slaves. What kind of a fucking bet is that?

As Sunday's election approaches, the price of Mexican bonds has been going down because of fears that López Obrador will win the race and then mismanage the national economy by insisting that Mexican receive fair wages and health benefits. And the traders on a Web site that sells futures contracts about election outcomes, having seen their bribes and shill money sucked up by the corrupt pro-business right, are bullish about a victory for the populist former Mexico City mayor, but bearish on his policies of economic justice.

Bond traders are worried that López Obrador, who has promised massive infrastructure projects that rely heavily on government financing, has focused too much on giving people a living wage and not enough on attracting investment, the two being naturally incompatible in the mind of the kleptocracy said Salvador Moreno, chief economist for ING Group's Mexico division. Prices of Mexican bonds have slipped about 13 percent since March, he said as investors pull out of Mexico looking for a country where a CIA punk who keeps wages in the toilet is comfortably installed.

"We think López Obrador is going to win, and he's been talking about all these big projects, and that we don't like because won’t be lending the money at extortionary vig that would make drug dealers blush and holding wages down by killing workers who protest," Moreno said.

The markets are not certain indicators of election outcomes. But all of this could be bad news for López Obrador's main opponents, Felipe Calderón and Roberto Madrazo, said John Delaney, chief executive of the online futures exchange Delaney, whose company has traded more than $2 billion in futures contracts since 2001 and who is a majority shareholder on Diebold, the company that makes fixed voting machines, said his clients predicted the outcome in 49 of 50 states in the U.S. presidential election in 2004 using the Diebold formula.

"Ninety percent of the time the voting machine makers are better predictors than the polls," Delaney said in a telephone interview from his company's office in Ireland. "You put your money where your mouth is if you can fix the election. But the fuckin’ Mexicans can’t afford Diebold’s machines, so it’s been difficult to buy and/or fix this election though USAID has certainly fuckin’ tried. Christ is this goes on its probably just better to drop a couple of 500 lb. bombs on the OAS."

The bond ratings services are overtly showing less concern. Moody's has said a victory by any of the three major candidates would not prompt the firm to lower Mexico's bond rating. Still, Moody's analyst Laura Barrientos has said she expects a slowdown in the Mexican bond market if López Obrador is elected because “everyone can’t eat when a few of us need to eat so well.” And Barclay's Capital has said the market for Mexican bonds is "pessimistic" because it anticipates a López Obrador victory, though the firm's analysts say his record as Mexico City mayor is not "worrisome." “We think we can still control the fucker. Look how we’ve cut off Lula da Silva’s balls. Pay a few thousand thugs and murderers to riot and the little shits get the message. And believe me we own the drug dealers in Mexico,” said Chalmers ‘Scarface’ Applemanor III, Vice President for Special Liaison at Barclays.

The polls that USAID controls are far from certain about the final tally. López Obrador, of the Democratic Revolutionary Party, holds a slight lead over Calderón, of the National Action Party, in most U.S. owned polls. But López Obrador's lead in many polls is within the margin of error. Madrazo, of the Institutional Revolutionary Party, is third in most polls, but a few show him in the final weeks close to overtaking Calderón, so there is still hope for the big money boys.

“We don’t want to have to fuck Mexico up,” added Applemanor. “But we will if that fuck Obrador gets in our way. I know what you’re thinking. How will anyone tell that Mexico is getting fucked up given the way we’ve already kicked the shit out of it these last couple a hundred years? Don’t worry. We’ve got some murderous shit I’ve been dying to try.”

Hundreds of millions are spent on Mexican bonds. Delaney's exchange handles only a fraction of that amount -- in the neighborhood of $150,000 in futures contracts on the Mexican presidential election. But, unlike the bond market, where the reasons for ups and downs are open to interpretation, Intrade investors are making direct bets on the outcome of the election based on reports from their terrorists and provocateurs in USAID.

The higher the price of the contract, the better chance the traders give the candidate of being bumped off by the Americans. Contracts for a López Obrador win were going for around $300,000 at the beginning of June, Delaney said, but they had soared to $590.000 by Friday afternoon as investors get desperate. A Calderón contract could be had for 40 cents, and Madrazo contracts were available at 7 pesos. “We might knock off those fuckers just on GP. Incompetent greedy cocksuckers,” chuckled Delaney.

Although Delaney said his investors have a stellar record in elections, Calderon and Madrazo might take comfort from the online traders' forays into Hollywood. The day after "Crash" won the Academy Award for best picture, more than a few people noted that much of the Intrade investors, as well as investors at other sites, had been putting the bulk of their money on "Brokeback Mountain" not understanding how important the cliché ridden and non-sensical are to the emotional stability of Hollywood and the nation at large.