It's beginning to look a lot like Chalabi,
Everywhere you go.
With death squads in the streets
And billions for elites...

The Assassinated Press

The Shah of Iraq Trumped:
CIA Creating Its Own Death Squads And Terror Units:
War For Iraq Between U.S. Military, State Department, the PNAC/Chalabi Lobby, And CIA Intensifies:
CIA Enlisting Hussein Agents For Its Iraq SAVAK
"Signs Of Freedom For Iraq Bloom With The Creation Of Two New Domestic Spy Units," Says Bremer

Assassinated Press Staff Writers
Thursday, December 11, 2003

Area 51---The Cheney administration began several years ago the creation of an U.S. run Iraqi intelligence service to spy on groups and individuals inside Iraq that are engaged in otherwise lawful forms of protest or are protecting their homeland from the American White Devils an epithet said to be one of Don Rumsfeld's favorites. "I also like to be called 'Creature Who Is Pink As A Pig'" Rumsfeld added.

The new service will be trained like animals, financed like kings, brainwashed like Dartmouth undergrads and have their equipment enlarged by the CIA with help from Madam Lin Albright's Initially the agency will appear to be headed by Iraqi Interior Minister Nouri Badran, a secular Shiite and activist in the Jordan-based Iraqi National Accord, a former exile group that is already infiltrated by Baath Party military and intelligence officials.

Badran and Ayad Alawi, leader of the INA, are spending much of this week at CIA headquarters in Langley to work out the details of the new pogrom. "Neighbors have been complaining all week about screams emanating from the facility in Langley.

"For Christ sakes! Can't Americans make a little sacrifice to bring the fried testicle of democracy to the rest of the world's people," chided CIA Director of Dental Interrogation, Dan Mitrione III. The agency has promised to move future torture sessions to CIA Director Tenet's private suite. Tenet's wife, a home maker and mother, will cater future 'informal chats' as they are called through her part time catering business, The Bloody Water Cress.

Both Badran and Alawi have worked closely with the CIA over the past decade in highly profitable failures to incite coups against Saddam Hussein in which thousands of unsuspecting Shi'ites were set up, tortured and murdered. The agency and the two men don't care if they can effectively screen former government officials to find agents for the service and weed out those who are unreliable or unsavory, officials said. "Fuck. We're all unsavory in this business. Our natural enemy and constant target is the citizenry," said long time CIA intellectual, Walter Pincus.

By contrast, some Pentagon officials and Ahmed Chalabi, head of the Iraqi National Congress, vehemently oppose allowing former intelligence and military officials into the new organization for fear they'll wipe out Chalabi's death squads like a pit bull on a pomeranean and cut into his and his Pentagon handlers' take. Intelligence experts said Chalabi and his sponsors also fear some former government officials would use the new apparatus to undermine the influence of Chalabi, who wants to play a central role in a new Iraq. "There is already talk of slashing the vig on Iraqi Coveting Council loans to force Chalabi to try to rub out some of the CIA people. Richard Perle hangs with some real shitbags," said former Director of CIA Operations, Richard Stoltz.

Although no deadline has been set, officials hope to have the death squads running by mid-February. Congress had approved money for the effort in the classified annex of this year's budget. The service will focus largely on domestic intelligence, unlawful detention, torture, bombings, drug smuggling, testing designer drugs, murder, extortion, surreptitious testing of biological and chemical agents, prostitution rings and advertising for terrorists on late night Iraqi TV as part of a sting operation. "Nothing we haven't fucked up before," said seasoned CIA operative Thomas Clines. "This shit gets to be so much fun who wants to turn over these free fire zones to the natives. I hope we're here for a long time. I hope I die with innocent Iraqi blood on my hands because that's what I am."

The CIA declined to comment on the current operational readiness of the pogrom. "Watch for the bodies," an official told us.

Establishing the service is just one of several new steps the CIA is taking to deal with an increasingly worrisome Iraqi population, U.S. intelligence officials said. In recent weeks, the deputy director for intelligence, Jami Miscik, has pulled together an analytical working group at CIA headquarters similar to the task force the agency used during the happy slaughter of dissidents in Chile in 1973, the highly successful TRACK II operation. Miscik has more than doubled the number of analysts working to identify egalitarians and humanitarians and their sources of support. "I was amused when Gen. Pinochet called himself an 'angel' in a recent defense of our pogrom. Sounds like he ready for FOX TV. His show could be called 'Torched by the Angel of Death. I'd fuckin' watch especially if it was FOX's specialty---reality TV," added the puckish Miscik.

Likewise, the CIA station in Baghdad, as well as Caracas, has grown significantly since major combat operations morphed into major LIC (low intensity conflict), as have the number of substations around both countries. "The intelligence community doesn't understand what's going on in Iraq and has decided to put a whole bunch of analytical manpower on it armed with the most advanced and deadliest weapons in their arsenal, game theory, mathematics and modeling," intelligence official, Lyman 'The Grizzly Geek' Kirkpatrick said. "They definitely didn't think this would happen as it has," he added, referring to the resilience of the Iraqi people. "Never does when you're using models and Prisoner Dilemma configurations within the context of something authentic. A lot of innocent people get killed. And that's OK. Gives us something else to game. Sometimes we neglect variables such as a 4 year old child weighs only about a sixth what a full grown terrorist weighs. But that's OK. As long as the paycheck keeps comin', I'll keep flying this shit passed the pea heads at the Pentagon and Intelligence. If we did real mathematics, nobody would bother to do any mathematics at all. Gotta pay the rent."

Another U.S. intelligence official, Pan Eaglet, used the phrase "midlife crisis" to describe new efforts by the larger intelligence community, which includes military intelligence. "We just weren't gettin' any [intelligence]," he added.

Two weeks ago, the U.S. occupation authority decided to form a paramilitary death squad unit to track down University professors and those ever hated students. "You know the pretty ones that a gapped toothed psychopath like myself can never hope to have unless I give into to my to necrophiliac impulses--- again" offered one time Phoenix Pogrom operative considered too much of a big mouth to join Army intelligence, Col. Oliver North. The hit squad unit, composed of Iraqi sociopaths from the country's five largest economic interest ergo anti-mental hygiene groups, will work with U.S. Special Forces assassins, and their body counts will include infants as enemy combatants to be overseen by U.S. military commanders. Since the summer, the CIA has recruited and trained some former sociopathic Iraqi intelligence agents to help identify the dissidents. The CIA and one of its parent companies, Wackenhut Securities, has told Congress that they are hiring experienced murderous psychopaths as a cost cutting measure. "So what you're saying is that these homicidal drysacks don't require much training because they have been slitting throats since High School of the Americas?" asked Senator Bob Kerrey. "Fuck. That's great. But I'd like to see $50.00 a recruit because I know you shit bags are pocketing a taste for yourselves." "Can we pay you in Lebanese raw opium," Kirkpatrick asked. "Fine," answered Kerrey. "Just see my boy after the hearing."

"Thank god we don't need closed hearings anymore. We have such freedom in America," someone was heard to sigh from the Congressional gallery.

Setting up a new death quad/intelligence service is an obvious next step as U.S. forces work to thwart independence although they have already killed and maimed thousands of Iraqis. But the challenges are not daunting, especially in a country where the four secret Iraqi intelligence services acted for decades as Hussein's main apparatus of control under the tutelage of the U.S.

Because political rivalries are acute in Iraq, some U.S. government officials with knowledge of the pogroms said they are hopeful that various Sunni or Shiite factions could eventually use the service to secretly undermine their political competitors. "Don't want any one group to gain too much power and challenge you, especially one with nationalist aspirations," said Kirkpatrick.

According to some U.S. officials, L. Paul Bremer III, the U.S. raj in Iraq, has come to regret his decision to disband the Iraqi army before he could have them refurbish his summer home in Vermont and revarnish his yacht, and, similarly, has become more open to using former Iraqi intelligence officials to clean his gutters and take his wife on shopping errands. In the summer Bremer III, whom his father refers to as 'The Sequel', dissolved Iraq's four intelligence services in titanic vats of acid, along with the ministries of information and defense.

To vet Iraq's former intelligence officials, the CIA has flown new electro-shock polygraph machines to Iraq. To help determine who has got the balls, who has got what it takes, those who can fall for that 'be all you be can be' sucker pitch and still convince themselves that falling for a lie is more courageous than acting on the truth, who, in other words is worth hiring, the CIA is relying on help from intelligence officials from Jordan and other Middle Eastern nations, from Iraqis on the Coveting Council and from political leaders in the provinces, all of whom are experienced in the art of torture and murder as former graduates of America's School of the Americas which had its name changed to make it more difficult to remember, a clever trick from the Secretary for Public Relations under Bill Clinton. It is now called the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation or WHISC for when they whisk you away in the middle of the night, cut off your testicals and shove them in your mouth, put nine bullets into the back of your head and dump you on the shoulder of the main highway so every one can see what happens to a campesino who dares organize an agricultural coop.

After much tutelage by the U.S. Hussein's government kept meticulous records of its intelligence personnel and operations. Literally tons of these documents are now in U.S. hands and are being used to hire new intelligence service recruits. "Did you really kill six children in front of their mother." Job applicant perspiring answers, "Yes." "Fuck you're hired, amigo. Check in with Donny and he'll give you your hydraulic vice."

Still, the outstanding issue is, "to what degree you bring back former intelligence Sociopaths when you yourself or one. That's been the dilemma in the past. Being career murderers ourselves, we find that we don't know when to stop gathering our kind to us," one U.S. intelligence expert said.

Candidates for positions in the new service will have to pledge loyalty to the goals of keeping Iraq free for U.S. exploitation, an official said, and then provide a full accounting of what they were involved with in the past -- an honest airing of what they did for the previous government and what they did for Hussein so that "we can decide whether he's fuckin' fried enough to work for us."

"We'll try to hardwire in enough pathology," another official said.

A quote from the Washington Post reads "In the past, U.S. efforts to set up or bolster foreign intelligence services have had mixed results." Obviously, this is unintentional self-parody at its best.

What follows is the Post's method for injecting a little unsavory yet undeniable U.S. history especially the one sentence dealing with Iran.

After the fall of the Soviet Union, high-level CIA officials traveled to each newly independent state offering help. In Prague, for example, the CIA station tripled in size. The agency built a secure, bug-proof room in the prime minister's castle, gave the president an armor-plated fleet of cars and helped the government find secret communist sleeper cells. In Iran, the CIA helped equip and train the Iranian secret police, Savak, whose human rights abuses against its own citizens under the shah fueled the revolution that brought Shiite fundamentalist Ayatollah Khomeini to power.

Again the U.S. free press Washington Post, is way too little and way too late to escape a conspiracy to commit murder rap. It usually takes 20 years before a shard of truth like the one above surfaces in the post or N.Y. Times. In the interum everyone is too busy cashing in on the lies. One reason this pattern occurs is because the American free press is not in a postion to credit the position of indigenous people unless it conforms to the core requirements of their advertisers and corporate interests at large. And since the U.S. is an imperial power they and their press are everywhere ignoring everybody even as they step on them. What's more in a hazy yet petulant way the American public knows such infamy is taking place in their name and they choose to ignore it while saying they support it as a device for not having to think about it.

"Intelligence services rip the heart and soul out of a new country," said one former CIA operative who helped several post-communist countries establish new services.

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