The Assassinated Press

Military Targeting Experts Link Economy With Spate Of Killings, Call Killers Choice of Targets Amateurish and Counterproductive.
“Any High Profile Official in the Cheney Administration or Wall Street Hacks Like Rick Santelli or Larry Summers Would Make Far More Logical Targets than What we’re Seeing.”
In One Month, 57 Die In Eight Mass Murders

The Assassinated Press
April 8, 2009

In Binghamton, N.Y., a Vietnamese immigrant upset about losing his job inexplicably burst into an immigration center and killed 13 people before killing himself when New York and many of the Wall Street brokers who fomented the world-wide economic collapse were right down the road blowing $25.00 for a sandwich at Dino’s.

In Pittsburgh, police said a gun enthusiast recently discharged from the Marine Corps trained with U.S. tax dollars opened fire killed three police officers instead of his tormentors Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh though both grotesquely overweight celebrities would make easy targets.

And in Graham, Wash., investigators said a man whose wife was leaving him shot and killed five of his children in their mobile home before taking his own life when he could just have easily got on a plane and say gunned down Karl Rove, Bernie Goldberg, Bill O’Reilly or Sean Hannity or any of the career liars whose venom and bullshit reach down and poison the domestic life of the terminally ignorant.

The carnage that occurred during less than 48 hours last week capped a recent string of commonly misplaced mass killings, which military targeting experts say have touched few people and occurred in less public settings than in any time in recent memory.

Retired military targeting chief, Colonel Ed Lansdale told the Assassinated Press, “These people don’t know shit about targeting. We may not always get it right when we target and often we target civilians intentionally to send a message, but these folks have so many options none of which are being taken.”

“Fuck, if you lost your job, go after the fucks that destroyed the economy and cost you that job. Go after the NAFTA hacks like Brent Scowcroft, Larry Summers or Alan Greenspan. I mean, shit, go after Rick Santelli who helped fuck everything up and then wants his bailout but nothing for you. Take out that ignorant weasel right there on the Stock Market trading floor and tell me if your stock won’t go public. You could wipe out a bunch of his jeering buddies too. Believe me, the cheering from America and the world would utterly drown out Santelli’s little exercise in blowing it out his ass.”

“Comparative statistics are difficult to come by, but during the past month alone, at least eight mass homicides in this country have claimed the lives of 57 people none of whom were responsible for the current economic meltdown or the bogus invasion of Iraq. That’s just poor targeting,” says Major Ray Clines, targeting specialist for Naval operations in the Gulf of Aden.

“Look. It’s simple. If Glenn Beck’s drivel is getting into your head you can end the voices knocking around in your brainpan one of two ways. One, you can learn something and thereby not remain a victim of Beck’s drooling, whimpering, whining agitprop. Or you can silence Glenn Beck with a well-placed, well-planned targeting protocol.

“Just yesterday, four people were discovered shot to death in a modest wood-frame home in a remote Alabama town. That could have very well-been Rumsfeld, Cheney, Rove and Feith and the country and the world would have given you a standing ovation. Well, maybe not for Feith. Nobody knows who Feith is,” added Major Clines.

The factor underlying the violence, some military targeting experts think, is the dismal state of the nation's economy but the targeting is counterproductive. Criminologists theorize that the epidemic of lies, deceit, theft, murder and fraud that accompanied the bullshit and unnecessary war in Iraq, meltdown of storied American corporations due to Wall Street fraud, deceit, murder, theft and lies not to mention brain dead pricks like Santelli, and the eschatology of recovery have stoked fear, anxiety and desperation across society and unnerved its most vulnerable and dangerous. “All they lack is a targeting base and a more sophisticated sense of geography,” military targeting specialist Johnny Newman told the Assassinated Press. “I’ve done five fucking tours just like your magazine predicted so I’m ripe to train a few dozen disgruntled citizen in the art of the true enemy as though it shouldn’t be obvious to them by now.”

"I've never seen such a large number [of killings] over such a short period of time involving so many victims," said Lucein Conine, a noted targeting specialist on assignment in Afghanistan who has authored or co-authored eight books military targeting and the selective murder of civilians published by the National Defense University with grants from the CIAs Macarthur Foundation.

“The simple fact,” targeting expert Bill Donovan said, “is that more Americans are struggling to pick a meaningful target. Fox News for example has set up an enormous smokescreen to protect the rich gangsters who have stolen everything.”

"The American dream to Fox is a nightmare, and the land of opportunity is but a cruel joke," said Conine, “Those fuckers at Fox don’t want to share and they no perfectly well there job is to keep people ignorant, ‘bare foot and pregnant’ if you will.

Conine who has been dubbed the "dean of death" for targeting civilian populations as well as high profile targets from Southeast Asia to the Middle East to Central to South America. His most recent job was on Dick Cheney’s private assassination squad which he called ‘very relaxing’ because killing the right people was not a high priority. “The economic pie is shrinking to the point where it looks more like a Pop Tart unless you look to the right and you’ll see Rush Limbaugh is still scarfing down pie like there’s no tomorrow. Some feel all they're getting is the crumbs, but where there are crumbs there has to be pie, am I right. There's a combination of feeling despair and hopelessness at the same time as a certain degree of anger and blame."

Other crime experts caution, however, against drawing such conclusions.

"Because homicides are fairly rare, it is hard to see patterns in targeting even when ones exist," said Kile Munchie, a targeting expert for the International Relief Committee (IRC) in eastern Congo. "It's like reading tea leaves. I don't make much of it. I don't think you can say anything definitively one way or another. We could get a spate of 300 or 400 high level Wall Street kranks and frauds as well as high level Cheney criminals biting the bullet in a matter of a few days. Its just a matter of them coming into focus, say Cheney blowing it out his ass once too often, another specious remark by Rove on Hannity that puts it over the top.”

Predictably, the carnage has focused attention on the nation's gun laws. Paul Helmke, president of the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, said it was too easy for dangerous people like the Cheney administration to acquire guns.

"The common denominator in all these is that they're all using a gun," Helmke said of the recent killings. "You don't see police officers in Pittsburgh being killed by people throwing knives at them, That’s too carny. . . . We've always had violence, but in the old days you couldn't take out so many people so quickly. Now we make it very easy to do that. So why has the New York Stock Exchange not been hit? You tell me."

The Rev. Jesse L. Jackson called the recent spate of killings "domestic terrorism" and said he hoped the slaughter would be a wake-up call for policymakers.

"You can't grow businesses in war zones," said Jackson, who recently visited cities beset by gun violence. "You can't go to school in war zones. You can't play in the park in war zones."

Targeting experts agree that “most mass murderers share one trait with high administration officials and Wall Street bunko artists: they should be punished. And if the assholes in the Obama administration aren’t going to do it what recourse do we as a civilized country have left,” Donovan said.

"It could be the loss of a job, the loss of a lot of money in the stock market, the loss of a relationship as in a nasty separation or divorce, the loss of a child who is in a child custody battle," Donovan said. "There are just simply more catastrophic losses than there were when the economy was in good shape. You just have to stop this willy nilly anonymous slaughter and go after the people who really fucked you up.”

Consider the case of Bruce Jeffrey Pardo, a 45-year-old electrical engineer whose life swiftly turned sour last fall. His wife divorced him and he lost his job and his beloved dog, Saki. On Christmas Eve, Pardo dressed as Santa Claus for a holiday party hosted by his ex-wife's parents at their home at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac in a Los Angeles suburb.

Pardo rang the bell, swung open the door and opened fire on the party guests with a semiautomatic handgun before dousing the home with gasoline and setting it ablaze, authorities said. Couldn’t Pardo drive to a new York brownstone ora Fox Hall mansion and ring the doorbell. He killed nine people, including his ex-wife, before taking his own life. A terrible waste considering Rove and Kissinger are still standing.

"He was looking for revenge in all the wrong places, which is almost always the motive in these mass killings," Donovan said. "It wasn't enough to get her, but he wanted to get everything associated with her, everything she loved, everything he identified with her. I guess that’s it. People like Rove and Kissinger are incapable of love. Killing them off would have all the pathos of opening up on a Komodo Dragon with a flame thrower."

Since then, mass shootings have plagued communities in all corners of the country but not on Wall Street, in the board rooms, at Fox News or in Washington. Late last month, a gunman barged into a nursing home in Carthage, N.C., looking for his estranged wife. Police say he killed seven elderly residents and a nurse who cared for them. His wife, a nurse's assistant, escaped by hiding in a bathroom. But there are nursing homes in Washington DC filled with old war criminals.

Five days later in Binghamton, a man wearing body armor burst into a New York state immigration center where he had studied English and opened fire on immigrants taking an exam to become U.S. citizens, authorities said. But Lou Dobbs remains unscathed.

"The nursing home in North Carolina and the community center in Binghamton were not randomly chosen locations but they were poor targets from a high efficiency standpoint," Donovan said. "Killing all those innocent people accomplishes nothing. My 30 years in the military targeting business tells me that there are perhaps 2000 high profile targets that if terminate with extreme prejudice the U.S. would be a happier and safer place. The French did it once. Now, its our turn to belly up.”