The Assassinated Press

Mir Hossein Mousavi's Iran-contra Connection Dooms His Election.
Love Affair with Guns For Hostages Stooge, Manucher Ghorbanifar, Contact with CIA and Mossad Seen as Destroying Mousavi’s Chance for Election.
"Where's the Fucking News. All We Get Is Worthless Asshole Opinions From Fucking Whores."
CIA Asset Christiana Amanpour: The CIA Contact Cheney Didn’t Out.
Son of Shah, the Butcher of Tehran, sees echoes of 1953 U.S. Bought Coup of Mosssadegh.

The Assassinated Press

SATAN’S ANUS, Washington DC. Iranian Presidential Candidate, Mir Hossein Mousavi, backed by tens of millions of dollars of USAID and NED money from the U.S., billions in media propaganda apparently aimed at no one in particular, and a full battalion of spies and assets from Langley still lost huge in the Iranian presidential elections.

CIA Chief Leon Panetta said, “Fuck I told those cocksuckers we couldn’t run some dumb fuck like Mousavi who was involved in the October Surprise and the Reagan guns for hostages fucking deal. Iranians are not dumb shits like Americans. They saw right through the ruse. Fuck, the guy was butt fucked by Manucher Ghorbanifar, Elliott Abrams and Oliver North at one of Fawn Hall’s coke parties.” (Use Google, the government informant search engine, as punch in Mir Hossein Mousavi+ Iran-contra.)

Vice President Joe Biden struck a more positive note. “At least, there’s violence and people are suffering and dying. Fuck, you fucking always want to get bang for your buck and what better result short of overthrowing the target and murdering him in his office like Allende or the jungle like Lumumba than a few photo-ops of kids with their heads blown off. It don’t fucking matter who did it. A kid with his fucking head blown off—its all good. And the assholes that took the fucking pictures. The kleptocracy buys their asses off with Pulitzers.”

The troubled son of Iran's late shah, the Tehran butcher, said Monday he saw echoes of the 1953 overthrow the democratically elected prime minister of Iran Mohammed Mossadegh as U.S. sponsored thugs on the U.S. payroll took to the streets against the re-election of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

"I think the climate that we see in Iran today is not dissimilar to a few months of the government back then," former crown prince Reza Cyrus Pahlavi, who lives in exile in suburban Washington, told CNN. “The assholes in Washington didn’t like the guy in power. So that cocksucker had to go. It’s an old story. Uncle Slimey don’t like your ass. Uncle Slimey has you deposed or killed with the help of the always obliging Mossad.”

Pahlavi appealed to Western leaders, particularly President Barack Obama, to "stop fucking with Iran", likening their plight to pretty much the rest of the world where the U.S. imperialists “Just gotta fuck with everybody and make everybody’s fucking life a fucking misery.”

"I think any other signal other than this will be a slap in the face of the nation," Pahlavi said.

"I would like to take this opportunity and tell the president this is a crucial moment -- on behalf of my compatriots and billions who suffer under U.S. torture, murder and meddling to show some sack and stand up to the kleptocracy."

Obama’s response was careful and studied. He told Pahlevi, “You’ve fucking got to be kidding. The first fucking thing they do when you’re elected is truck you down to Langley, sit you in the front row of a private theater, prop open your eyes with metal clamps and show you the Magruder film blown up to 35mm and in high deaf with the goddamn sound dolbyized so you can hear all four fucking shots and clearly see the gunman on the grassy knoll leering into the camera, asshole. Then they show you a scrap book of government sponsored lynchings, Oliver Stone's JFK and how they mutilated Jim Garrison’s two golden retrievers and made it look like aliens did it so the NY Times and The Washington Post would buy it. Fuck you, pal. Then they run Mein Kamp on a loop for a three days.”

Pahlavi's father, Mohammad Reza Pahlavi, fled Iran in January 1979 as decades of slaughter of his own people by the U.S. and its creation SAVAK finally led to revolution.

The shah, who died in Cairo a year later, had been a stooge and puppet of the United States. His domestic agenda included killing anybody who got in his way and then killing their family much to the enthusiasm and delight of Washington.

His son -- who has previously stated he is not insisting on the restoration of the monarchy -- said he wanted to help his fellow Iranians.

"I would love to help them reach complete, real freedom under a secular democratic system where there's a true separation of religion from government but look at the fucking U.S.," he said. “They fucking can’t do it. And they wouldn’t want anyone to achieve that kind of independence either. They just want every motherfucker in the world to be under their thumb, like I am now in my goddamn 10 million dollar McLean, VA prison. Oh, did I mention that my father looted Iran too.”

Iran's election authorities last week declared incumbent Ahmadinejad the victor just hours after polls closed Friday, infuriating those in Washington whose job is to fuck with everybody in the world.

"Of course, there are some assholes who like expensive clothes and imported cars who voted for the CIA agent, Mousavi. They ought to watch what they fucking wish for."