The Assassinated Press

Incognito Speaks Out: “If I’m such a racist why have I gone down on more black men than Lisa Lampanelli?”
“If I’m such a chauvinist why do I parade my saggy bro-bies in public places.”
“If I’m so threatening why is my family still alive?”
Lara Logan comes clean: “I’m just a war hag. That’s why I keep fucking up.”

The Assassinted Press

It wouldn’t have been so awkward if I hadn’t just taken my kids to the zoo. But there he was, Richie Incognito, on tape prancing around a pool hall and pounding his chest just like the silver back my two year old had recoiled from earlier that day.

Now, I don’t mean to insult the great apes by comparing them to Incognito. There’s nothing ‘great’ about Incognito and that includes his play on the field. And to the ape’s credit he settled down when presented with a pale of bananas and leafy veges.

Incognito seemed lost in his own rage precisely because he couldn’t see the cage that he and his teammates have built around themselves.

Like wrestling, football is a homo-erotic sport of the first order. It’s not so much sex and violence as the violence seen as male oriented masking the homo-erotic pleasure derived from viewing male on male contact. That’s why the denial of attributes mistakenly attributed to homosexuality, or a man’s feminine side, is so vociferous among male football fans it borders on caricature.

Incognito’s bare chested ‘mannary’ thumping behavior in a public pool hall is one such instance of this caricature. At the level of cartoon it’s just funny. But whose gaze of admiration was it meant to attract if not the other men in the room. Certainly not the women who seemed to have had the common sense to flee.

Is Incognito in love with Jonathan Martin?

Yes. All indicators suggest that Richie has a schoolboy crush on Martin. The head butting, the punching, the generally aggressive behavior, is the cry of the 11 year old trying to find his way around his inexplicable attraction to the object of his affections.

Lara Logan --- War Hag

Lara Logan goes moist at the sign of a man in uniform. If you’re ever invited to a barbecue where she is going to be wear camo and see if I’m wrong. Better yet rent a general’s uniform and you just might get lucky.

I’m a cocksucker for a man in uniform

That’s why Logan is always fucking up. That’s why her reporting is always wrong, not just factually but ethically. In the homo-erotic world of the military, as in football or the Iliad, a Logan may temporarily replace the soldier’s male lover, but she’s just a projection.

This is the tragic dimension of the classic war hag. I mean who but a love sick ten year old with a daddy complex would defend an obvious psychotic like General Stanley A. McChrystal? Is crazy dick that good? Does Hannibal lLecter make a good fuck? I leave it to those more experienced in such matters.

Attracted, or more plausibly tone deaf, to the locker room mentality of the military, Logan’s blunders both sexual and journalistic become a mere fait accompli.

Achilles and Patroclus.

Any attempt to humanize the military, to say be more adaptable to women, is met by the brass with a kind of “What do you think? We’re a bunch of fags? We’ll prove it to you by filling our ranks with men that feel they must rape and beat women to keep the gay bugaboo they feel out of their consciousness.”

Paid Pencil Dicks.

Of course, the same applies to a mercenary like Morgan Jones who played Logan’s panty pouch to promote his new book. Because his book turned out to be a pack of lies, Morgan’s move backfired and the it has been withdrawn. But one suspects Logan is still wet in her nethers.