The Assassinated Press

Several thousand amputee victims of US bombing and drone raids refused a spot in the Boston Marathon.

The Assassinated Press

Were only interested in turning this years Boston Marathon into an exercise in hypocritical bathos and nationalistic agitprop, marathon official, retired General Stanley A. McChrystal told a rag tag group of third world reporters who have been detained at a secret location outside of Boston for four days.

So what if the US blew your leg off in a drone attack. So what if I ordered the attack. So the fuck what if your entire family died, their bodies so mangled and vaporized you'd have to carry them across the finish line in Glad Bag of Handi-Wipes, he told the group of worn and beaten refugee reporters. Were not going let some hundreds of thousands of dead and physically defiled people from around the world, victims of the murder machine I spent all my life working for interrupt our soap opera of sentiment and crocodile tears for the victims in Boston last fucking year.

Shit, study my military record. I as much killed and maimed them folks in Boston myself given anyone with an ounce of courage would seek revenge by whatever limited means at their limited disposal after I got through slaughtering their families and little brown people in general for the major transnational corporations that sponsor shit like the marathon to begin with.

But its all good. Like all good military pansies that do as their told, in November 2010, in joined JetBlue Airways on its board of directors. On February 16, 2011, Navistar International announced that I would join its board of directors. Im also Chairman of the Board of Siemens Government Systems, and Im on the strategic advisory board of Knowledge International, a licensed arms dealer whose parent company is EAI, a business "very close" to the United Arab Emirates government, all to collect my quid pro quos and keep my hand in mass slaughter.

So fuck all yall. Organize your own marathons. God knows, me and Uncle Slimey have blown enough of your limbs off to get a few billion of you fuckers out into the street. Just go into the street on some given day. Use social mecia so the NSA knows your every move. And run toward the US consulate and burn it down. And then prepare to lose even more limbs. And prepare to listen to more bullshit about how America is the victim."