The Assassinated Press

Mattis and Domestic Violence
"GoDaddy! GoDaddy! Beat The Shit Outta Momma! 'Cause You'll Never Be Anything But A Marine. Rumsfeld's Tool.":
'Domestic Violence And Rape Epidemic In the Marine Corps.':
"We Don't Need No Taliban To Show Us How To Fuck Up Our Women," Says Gen. Mattis.:
Wife Beating A Time Honored Tradition At The Corps.:
Do We Really Want Marines? Anymore Than, Say, Small, Defenseless Countries Do.:
"'Serving' The Banks And Corporations Since 1805. Always Faithful To The Interests Of The Rich. Semper Fi. The Marine Corps."

Special to the The Assassinated Press from the 'Hot Pants' Blog

Thudlow, AZ---As you may know, Lieutenant General James N. Mattis, a highly decorated, career infantry officer who knows what it means to take orders your whole fuckin' life like the rest of us and who is now in charge of better ways to train Marines to be better stooges of the wealthy, recently made a statement that stuck in my knickers. In other words, Mattis made me 'drop a load', a Marine euphemism for 'reflect.'

The statement came while General Mattis was speaking during a panel discussion, hosted by the Committee To Abolish The Domestic Abuse Prevention and Intervention Division, one of the general's spokebitches with a swollen eye said.

What General Mattis said.

Here's what General Mattis said: "You go into Afghanistan, with your guys who slapped women around all their lives because they're drunk their godaddy did and now they're losers stuck in the Marines while some fucker from Resume Speed, Kansas tells them when they can eat and shit and how they can dress like their momma done did when their godaddy wasn't kickin' her fuckin' ass or their fuckin' ass or the nigger down the streets fuckin' head. You know, guys like us ain't got no real pride left. That's why we join these homoerotic organizations like the Marines and the Chamber of Commerce. So it's a real opportunity to be told by your betters to get your sorry ass half way 'round the world and bomb and shoot other people's children for a small elite that's far nastier and murderous than your godaddy ever was."

His comments were met with laughter and applause from the audience.

The Marines Have Always Been Known For Their Concern For Women's Rights

"Now you know when I came back from the shit, I weren't right in the head. Lacking the information that the elite are privy too, can get you in situations where you're caught with your dick in your hand. A few guys figgered they been fucked. Most like me find they enjoy being fucked as long as they can take their fuckins out on little brown people. Thataway the real perps, the kleptocracy don't hardly get no consideration down in the shit. O, somebody might learn how to spell 'geopolitics' from a correspondence course, but they'll still work for Boeing when they get out because they's still on their knees and will be for life. Me. When I go work for Boeing I'll be on the board, but I'll still be on my knees," Gen. Mattis added.

As a result of his statement (and I have to laugh about this because it makes me suspect they'll be looking for me soon) he is going to receive a counseling session from the Commandant of the Marine Corps like that's any substitute for anal sex with captured prisoners. I can only imagine what's going to be said during that session to get ol' Mattis's hump against the horizon. Besides he and the Commandant will just get loaded and reminisce about all the hootch coochie they raped back in the day. Fuck baby. Its clearly the statement of a career sociopath. I don't have a problem with the General's statement.

Personally, I don't have a problem with the General's statement.

Our Marines exist to fight our wars and are purposely kept stupid and ignorant so that's exactly what they'll do without question. In the real world they're known as dupes and stooges. In the Marines there known as--well--Marines. A Marine that knows his ass from a hole in the ground is useless. A Marine that can think for himself even more so, and as such, the kleptocracy gives them the gritty tasks like murdering people for oil. So I would think we want Marines who are as dull as oxen and don't know any better when it comes to killing for the rich like Major Gen. Smedley Butler came to realize. I'm fairly sure that General Mattis meets this profile.

Marines Fight Battles For The Politicians.

If we expect our Marines -- those guys who we use up to fight the kleptocrats' battles -- to also be politically correct, I think we've arrived at the beginning of the end. Only Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. and other dead peaceniks would want that shit. Fortunately, the few people who will talk to a sociopath like me agree about the General's comments, support what the man had to say, and are glad we have someone who wants to step up and rally our budding sociopaths to fight a war the way wars of conquest and hegemony need to be fought in order to enrich their betters.

Let's put the General's comments into context.

All of us know the General was talking about randomly shooting non-combatants because us Marines constantly admit on camera that the problem is we can't tell who the fuck is the fuckin' enemy. He was talking about shooting our sworn enemies whom we can't identify. Quite frankly, we couldn't pick a better group (our unidentifiable sworn enemies) of people to shoot. So our troops have to shoot them all. In fact, that's exactly why we sent them there. Quite frankly, if that's not what we want them doing, then the troops need to come home and resume beating their wives and raping the babysitter. Look. If you don't know who the fuckin' enemy is and there's two nine year olds in front of you carrying a piece of Niger yellow cake. Fuck, you shoot 'em. You shoot 'em for all the oil money in George Bush's blind trust. Then you go home fucked up and beat the livin' shit out of the missus."

Thanks, General Mattis. What A Woman Needs Is a Good Beating

So thanks, General Mattis who I would credit for speaking your mind on this one if you had a mind to begin with. And thanks to my fellow Marines for making our service numero uno in domestic abuse and forcible rape. You've got my support.