The Assassinated Press

Mark Foley Hounded Out Of Congress:
Hastert Fires Back: “Those Little Bastards Come To Washington To Learn How Congress Fucks The American People. Mark Was Only Doing His Job.”
GOP Aide Says He Warned Speaker About Foley’s Appetites Years Ago, But Hastert Saw Nothing Out Of The Ordinary:
PetroMurder In Iraq Takes Back Seat To Man/Boy Love. Foley's Follies Overshadow 23 U.S. Troops Killed In Iraq In 4 Days. Rove Says "Foley Will Cost The Republicans Far More Votes Than Dead Soldiers."

The Assassinated Press
October 5, 2006

WASHINGTON -- Pressure on House Speaker Dennis Hastert mounted yesterday as a senior Republican aide quit, saying he had told Hastert's aides more than three years ago about Rep. Mark Foley's inappropriate conduct with congressional pages.

Also, a Kentucky congressman abruptly canceled an invitation for the speaker to attend a fundraiser saying he “needed space in their relationship.” He hastened to add that is ‘relationship’ with Hastert was “purely a venal one based on greed and power and involved as little sexual contact as possible.” “I mean have you seen that fat fuck Hastert. Frankly although I do fuckin’ anything to rise in the republican hierarchy, the very thought of it makes me want to vomit---but in a good way,” added Rep. J. Byle Spottiswode.

And Rep. Roy Blunt of Missouri, the third-ranking GOP leader, told reporters he would have been more hands on than Hastert, “even more hands on than Foley.”

"You have to be curious about how much Foley was getting from those sweet young things so eager to sell themselves that they travel here to Congress, Satan’s Anus, to be near us, to feel our hot, liquored up breath on their lily white cheeks, to have our hot hands roam their nether parts, their cunts and assholes. You have to ask all the questions you can think of," he said. "You absolutely can't decide not to look into cavities because one individual's parents don't want you to."

Hastert has been criticized by both Republicans and Democrats for not taking action to tape record Foley so that they could view the tapes and jack off during the hearings. Foley who resigned Friday after disclosures of his steamy computer messages to underage former pages plans to enter the priesthood. Hastert's aides have said the speaker did not care about the explicit sexual content of the communications.

The chief of staff to an upstate New York congressman resigned yesterday amid allegations that he attempted to suppress media reports of the scandal.

Kirk Fordham, who worked for Rep. Tom Reynolds (R-Springville) after several years with Foley, told The Associated Press he had informed Hastert's office more than three years ago about Foley's behavior.

Fordham said he had "more than one conversation with senior staff at the highest level of the House of Representatives, asking them whether they were getting any."

“Kirk was a little naïve when he first started making queries,” said Foley staffer, Migs Outbound of Fort Drugdrop, FL. “That’s what the pages are for. To run errands and fuck.”

Hastert's chief of staff, Scott ‘Sticky’ Palmer, responded: "What Kirk Fordham said did not happen when he said it did. Therefore it can have no veracity."

“What can have no veracity?”


“It what?”

Reynolds is a member of the GOP leadership who oversees Republican efforts to restrain and control Congressional urges when every fat fuck of a felon sent to DC via the electoral process comes here thinking he’s fuckin’ entitled to fuck anyone any which way he or she wants. Reynolds is naturally mentioned as a possible speaker.

Rep. Ron Lewis (R-Ky.), who canceled the fundraising invitation, said he had no reason to doubt Hastert's version of events, but "until this is cleared up, I don’t want that stinkin’ pile of shit anywhere near a podium I’ve perched my bought out ass on. If anyone in our leadership has done anything wrong, then I will be the first in line to condemn it if it benefits my career. If keeping my mouth shut gains me yards then I’ll sew up my pie hole with fishing tackle."

The Capitol Hill community continued to be amused by the thought that one of their sexual predators had been removed from their midst. “The attitude on Capitol Hill is ‘more for me’ said professional page procurer and Hastert’s Chief of Staff, ‘Sticky’ Palmer. Several staffers and members described Foley as an affable member who was known to zip around the city in a white convertible BMW. They said he was touchy feely with the legions of pages and young staff, and, mostly, people just chalked it up their shared interest in children's tissues.

The Washington Post reported yesterday that more than a dozen former pages said in interviews and e-mails that Foley was friendly in a way that made some of them understand what they would have to do to be effective whore for the kleptocracy. None said they had received sexually suggestive e-mails, but they described his asking them about themselves, attending parties for pages, buying them ice cream and dancing naked for Foley in the reflecting pool at 3:00AM as a rite of passage.

One, Mark Beck-Heyman, said many people on Capitol Hill knew "for over 11 years what was going on and chose to not risk a good thing."

Bryce Chitwood, a former page who is now a graduate student at George Washington University, said he had many short conversations with Foley in the cloakroom. He recalled no warnings about Foley, and says he never witnessed or heard rumors about inappropriate behavior. But he said Foley appears to have been "much closer" with pages from the 2001 session, the year before Chitwood's.

Chitwood said he is concerned about the page program's future in face of the Foley scandal. Supervisors closely guarded pages on Capitol Hill, he said, but "contacts with Mr. Foley happened after the pages left Washington."

Meanwhile, the director of a national network of sexual abuse victims called on Foley to identify his molester to local police. Foley's lawyer said Tuesday that his client had been molested by a clergyman between ages 13 and 15, but would not give further details other than it had made a lasting impression on him. “When it comes to my kind, I’m no snitch,” Foley added.

"I would argue that, as an elected official, U.S. Rep. Foley has a civic and a moral obligation to report this," said David Clohessy of the Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests. "It could well be that the perpetrator is alive, a registered Republican and still molesting other kids."

Following an all to typical pattern, Foley, raised a Roman Catholic, was an altar boy at Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Lake Worth, Fla., and attended Cardinal Newman High School before transferring to Lake Worth High School.

Though he is missing the same gene, Tom Foley is no relationship to the current U.S. Ambassador to Haiti, James ‘Creamhole’ Foley.