The Assassinated Press

Whiteball's 60 Year Raceroid---And Apparently It Isn't Over Yet:
Newsflash: No Baseball Records Are Pure.
Probe of Shades: Selig expected to start investigation focusing on performance-enhancers and targeting BALCO, Bonds, Sheffield, Giambi

Assassinated Press Staff Writer
March 30, 2006

Cheating and baseball have been linked since the games inception. But the most sustained era of cheating in baseball came with the 'gentlemens'' agreement among franchise owners to exclude blacks from the game for decades. That is the real 'steroid' scandal because it was a performance enhancer for generations of mediocre white players to have careers in the major leagues. Asterisk that, motherfuckers!

Sportswriters from all over the country including the Washington Post's Tom Boswell are bemoaning the assault on "baseball's most cherished" records by players who may have used steroids. Awe, go take a flying fuck!

Newsfuckin'flash. There are no records in baseball--- none, zero, nada--- that don't require an asterisk right ---down to minor fuckin' league attendance records. When you exclude hundreds if not thousands of the best players from their respective eras from competing, notions of 'purity' have the uncomfortable ring of Nazism. And no hyperbole, Jack. History has been inextricably fucked with.

And if you're not fuckin' happy with asterisks and you want to start expunging records then expunge every goddamn record until baseball reached racial parity, what, 1965 or so. Every record before that has got to go. Never happened. Whitey was on raceroids.

Now, days before the 2006 season will begin, the game's current crop of 'gentlemen' will, formally investigate those who allegedly have used the performance-enhancing drugs even though before 2003 there was no prohibition in baseball regarding steroid use.

Using that logic, one can see how the nation's sportswriters and fans justify those years before Branch Rickey brought Jackie Robinson to the Dodgers as being a time when their was "no prohibition" about excluding the most talented players e.g. blacks so a bunch of white mediocrities could muddle up the big leagues to flail at Walter Johnson's fastball or serve up fat pitches to Babe Ruth. How many AA rag arms were pitching in the majors simply because of the color of their skin. You got the same complaint about pitching and homers with expansion baseball. Well, whitey used expansion players when front line black players were right there ready to suit up. How sick and corrupt is that?

And what, motherfucker? Moral and ethical prohibition? Don't be so goddamn naive. Racism WAS the white players' and owners' morality. In their tiny little minds, it was moral to be a racist, and the fact that it gave you a paycheck too---.Well, shit. That was gravy.

C'mon folks. Fuckin' get real whitey permanently broke baseball decades ago because whitey just had to be whitey. Take the goddamn game for what it is. Another piece of American dirty work. Not some mythologized bullshit. Don't sugar coat it. You'll fuckin' enjoy it more.

Today, Bud Selig announced that he is opening an examination of players who have been accused of steroid usage. If only Judge Kennesaw Mountain Landis had opened an investigation into the use of racism to set records, collect accolades and gratuities etc. No. That fuck did just the opposite being the bigot for his time that he was. So fuck George Mitchell and his investigation, and his purposeful queries. Not surprisingly, those implicated in the BALCO scandal - are Barry Bonds and the Yankees' Jason Giambi and Gary Sheffield ranking as the big names. Two 'coons' and a 'guinea' to use Ty Cobb's and David Lenihan's colorful expressions.

Although the BALCO scandal has been public for more than 2 1/2 years, the release last week of "Game of Shadows" - the book written by the San Francisco Chronicle reporters (Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams) who broke many of the BALCO stories - clearly forced Selig's hand. Bonds dissed to many self-absorbed, ego-ridden pencil-necked sportswriters too many times.

Even the standards around gambling are hypocritical. When Ty Cobb and a number of other premier players were caught betting on baseball a few years after the Black Sox scandal, Judge Landis swept it under the table because they were not only still active players but they were stars, albeit only white ones. Baseball last appointed an independent investigator to look into the transgressions of Pete Rose, in 1989, and that resulted in Rose's expulsion from baseball for gambling on games involving the Reds, whom he managed from 1984-89. He was retired and alone. Besides who would stand up for a head case like Pete Rose compared to the crazed, gambling sociopath that was our beloved and revered Ty Cobb.

Once baseball established that Rose indeed bet on the Reds, breaking the game's cardinal rule, it became relatively easy to kick the all-time hits leader out of the game because he wasn't Cobb or Tris Speaker or Nap Lajoie or Cap Anson. And it was easy for Landis to excuse the guilty parties not just because of the gentlemen's agreement that existed between baseball and the press after the Black Sox scandal, but because Cobb et al didn't have the kind of competition that would have eaten their sorry white asses alive. Mediocrity raised up. Who can say no or yes. And that's the fuckin' point.

So justifiably even if Mitchell and his investigators can somehow prove conclusively that Bonds, et al, used steroids prior to 2003, that won't necessarily lead to suspensions of any kind---nor should it.

Steroids weren't explicitly banned - and weren't tested for, therefore - until 2003. And there was no disciplinary system in place for steroid users until the 2004 season.

"Bonds, Giambi and Sheffield all testified in front of a BALCO grand jury in December 2003, and "Game of Shadows" submits strong evidence that both Bonds and Sheffield - who reportedly spoke of unknowingly using steroids - perjured themselves," writes Ken Davidoff. Since fuckin' when is a book "evidence", the clear implication being to associate the generic term with legal term "perjury." Does somebody smell shit in the room. To date, however, the federal government hasn't brought perjury charges against either player; such an indictment would give Selig far more latitude to act so you can bet the Bonds haters are pushing for that.

Selig has a "best interests of the game" power, as granted by baseball's owners, yet that likely wouldn't hold much water, legally or ethically given the fact that the owner's are bunch of thugs and criminals, worthy heirs to their racist forebears.

The timetable on baseball's investigation isn't clear, although the endeavor will play against Bonds' pursuit of Hank Aaron's all-time home run record of 755 and the fucker's who own baseball know. They can at the very least ruin the moment for Bonds and at worst drive him from the game before he sets the record. Hank Aaron was acutely aware that 755 home runs may not have been nearly enough if a player like Josh Gibson wasn't kept out of the majors. With racism even Ruth is an asterisk.

When Bonds' Giants begin the season Monday at San Diego's PETCO Park, the 41-year-old slugger will bring 708 homers to the plate. He is six away from tying Babe Ruth for second place and needs 47 to tie Aaron, an event baseball's leadership would love to somehow avoid, even though baseball's racist past has rendered Aaron's mark just more sentimental, qualified blither with an asterisk.

BALCO represents Mitchell's most obvious starting point because it is the only major laboratory to have been caught. Now, there's justice. It will be far more challenging for Mitchell and his assembled staff to track down other producers of illicit substances, both domestically and internationally.

Mitchell, 72, a native of Maine, represented his home state in the Senate from 1980 until 1995, when he retired. A Democrat, he served as the Senate Majority Leader from 1989 until 1995 so he has a pretty extensive criminal background.

Most damning as regards this job and his personal reputation, Mitchell is a close friend of Selig. Earlier this decade, he served on the commissioner's highly publicized "blue ribbon panel," which produced a study reflecting Selig's desire to overturn the game's economics so the owner's could get richer if not re-institute Jim Crow.

Mitchell is listed as the "director" of the Boston Red Sox. It's clear he'll need to resign from this job to avoid the appearance of a conflict of interest, but he won't.

All fuckin' things considered Bonds, at the very least, got his dingers as fair and square as Cobb got his hits and Ruth got his homers. At least, Bonds had to play against the best the goddamn game had to offer.

Baseball had best get over itself.