The Assassinated Press

Citizens for American Principles Raises its Estimates on the Number of Kleptocrats that Must be Killed to Solve the Debt Crisis and Allow the Planet to Flourish.
As Theft, Murders and Threats by the Likes of Bob Diamond, the Koch Brothers and Lloyd Blankfein Escalate, CAP Estimates 5,000 Wall Street Psychopaths Must Be Eliminated to Save the World.
Sociopathic Behavior Rampant Among Corporate CEOs, Study Shows.

The Assassinated Press

In light of recent actions by Wall Street, Citizens for American Principles or CAP has been forced to revise its estimates for Early Sociopathic Euthanasia from 2000 to 5000 of the top CEOS, Wall Street traders and bankers and members of the military industrial complex.

“Look at Blankfein and Goldman Sachs,” said George Roberts of CAP. “First they sell worthless derivatives to a bunch of star struck local yokel mayors and city councils. Then when the municipality is bankrupt, Goldman offers to buy their water and sewage system or electric utility.”

“Now, Bechtel tried to privatize the water supply in Cochabamba, Bolivia but the peasants drove off the greedy fucks. I’m afraid Americans don’t have that kind of courage to stand up for themselves. Not as long as they’ve got their windbags like Rush Limbaugh and Ted Nugent.”

Goldman’s 2010 SEC filing states why the funds themselves are eager to invest in "ownership and operation of public services, such as airports, toll roads and shipping ports, as well as power generation facilities, physical commodities and other commodities infrastructure components, both within and outside the United States" -- a public asset is usually a monopoly.

“So the fuck much for the ‘free market’ and the necessity for free market competition to keep prices down and all the sociopathic excrement the Wall Street shits and their pols love to shove down our throats,” Roberts added. “If I had my druthers 20,000, 50,000 of these motherfuckers would have to be euthanized precisely because its readily apparent that they would indeed fuck their own mothers --- and those sick shit mothers who raised such abominations would enjoy it.”

“I mean if Charles Koch wants to claim that formaldehyde is not dangerous, let’s fuckin’ see him drink a vat,” chimed in Jane Beasley PR director for CAP.

Take Mark Zuckerberg of facebook fame. Mr. Zuckerberg is an antisocial prick with all the hallmarks of a dangerous sociopath. So what business does such a poorly socialized asshole like him have writing software for a supposed ‘social networking’ site. Social networking! Who is more unsuited to create an entity which claims to promote ‘social networking’ than an a ntisocial twit like Mark Zuckerberg.

The notion that Mr. Zuckerberg’s core pathological behavior isn’t written into the algorithms that make up Face Book is both naïve and ludicrous. Likewise most of today’s technologies are advanced by at best emotional cripples and at worst emotional cripples with homicidal tendencies divorced from any sense of guilt excused by the formal nature of their contribution to murder.

The very banality of evil of the market has provided us with the golden opportunity to eliminate the dangerous sociopaths among us. Currently, they do not shy away from who they are. They take delight in harming and killing mankind. Isn’t it about the time we returned the favor?