The Assassinated Press

Cheney Would Not Have Allowed Tunisia to Fall on his Watch
Former De Facto President Says Obama Administration Has Jeopardized USís Authoritaraian regimes in the Muslim World

The Assassinated Press

On Jan. 14, Tunisia's president for life, Zine el Abidine Ben Ali, resigned in the face of nationwide protests and fled the country for exile in Saudi Arabia. Media reports indicate his wife brought along a ton and a half of gold bullion.

Ben Aliís abrupt departure has brought recriminations against the Obama administration from both sides of the aisle in the US Congress as well as from former US heads of state and corporate CEOs. One danger repeatedly cited is the fall of other US sponsored repressive regimes in the Muslim world which smack of the overthrow of the Shah of Iran in 1979.

No one has been more vociferous in his condemnation of the loss of an important authoritarian US ally in the region than former de facto President Dick Cheney who in an interview with the Assassinated Press on Monday called Obama ďa lazy darkieĒ when it comes to US foreign policy.

A Chat With Dick

Peter Owt: Mr. Cheney, what would you have done differently to keep Tunisia under the heel of US corporate power? Would you have jettisoned the puppet Ben Ali regime and replaced it with another one as it seems Obama was doing?

Dick Cheney: First let me start by saying that this is the worst foreign policy failure in the Middle East since Jimmy Carter and the hostage crisis in Iran.

PO: Well, sir. With all due respect there are no American hostages in Tunisia and just to keep the record straight, Tunisia is in North Africa, not the Middle East. I could also mention the Iraq war butÖ Having said that what would you have done differently in Tunisia?

DC: Back in í05 we urged Ben Ali to crack down on dissidents. We supplied him with arms and guns and his regime did murder or jail a substantial number of labor union organizers and intellectuals. But Ben Alia kept most of the foreign aid for themselves. Thatís so short sited. Look at Mubarak. When we send him his 3 billion dollars a year he uses that money to jail, torture and murder union organizers, intellectuals and members of the Muslim Brotherhood by the thousands. Weíre always telling our stable of kleptocratic despots to use some of the money for the repression at hand because the more you steal the more youíll need to keep the population under your heel. Thatís just common sense.

PO: And youíre saying the Obama people didnít sufficiently stress this point?

DC: No they did not. If you read the Wikileaks cables like I do, religiously, every day, you can see the US embassy in Tunis knew exactly what Ben Ali and the elite were doing but the embassy just used State Department cables to whine to Washington about it. Why the fuck do we lard our embassies with CIA, DNI and ONI people versed in the art of low intensity warfare, subversion, mass arrests, assassination and torture? Why did we create the USAID as a conduit to feed funds to individuals on the ground which support our corporate interests if not to use those resources? I would have stepped up the jailing, torture and extrajudicial killing even though Tunisia is not a significant oil producing state. I would have treated it like Saudi Arabia. Now thereís some repressive motherfuckers.

PO: What about democracy? DC: Now youíre really making me mad. Fuck democracy. Who gives a shit about democracy? You got Egypt, Jordan and even Saudi Arabia at greater risk of a threat of a good example like Tunisia. Those regimes including that insipid King of Jordan and his equally insipid wife tow ther fucking line. So fuck democracy there. But in Venezuela, Bolivia, Brazil and Nicaragua we blow it out our as about how those elected tyrants have to be overthrown so there can be more democracy in those countries, meaning more advantage for transnational corporate power. So stop talking like a schoolgirl or this fucking interview is over.

PO: Well. While weíre a bit off topic letís talk about the return of ĎBay Docí Duvalier to Haiti.

DC: Well, thereís not much more we can do to Haiti. The US has rung Haiti like a dirty bar rag. Bill Clinton pretty much applied the coup de grace with the trade agreements he pushed through, the ones that an overt reactionary like George Bush Sr. had no chance of effecting. Haiti hasnít been a viable country pretty much since France and the US set out to destroy it back in the 1820ís. Now, it has a patina of elites but is pretty much owned by US interests. So you can look to US policy to determine why itís in the state itís in. Itís resource poor but that only explains part of the reason for the continuous abject poverty. But mostly itís got little left for the corporations to steal. So look at it like a piece of discarded international trash. Now, you can only make money by stealing aid money through international credits. I donít even think the notion that its retribution for a bunch of revolutionary democratic niggers gaining their freedom from a colonial power has much relevancy anymore. But I will say, lucky Washington and Jefferson were white or the US Congress would be meeting in a paper box behind the Wal Mart.

PO: What do you think about Obamaís efforts to support corrupt and repressive proxy regimes up until now?

DC: Frankly, Iím pleased and perhaps slightly surprised at the level of violence Obama and his people are willing to inflict on behalf of US corporate interests. But he could do more. Of course, the torture is encouraging. But then what else could he do but uphold the interests of Western capital. You donít get to be president if you donít swear to uphold the right to make an almighty dollar, actually trillions of them, and kill anyone who might get or be in your way. Thatís America. The rest is bullshit. So save it for your organic garden.

PO: So what advice do you have for Obama policy makers?

DC: Step up the murder.