The Assassinated Press

Members of debt panel have debts of their own to companies that own the lobbyists.
Debt Panel IS DEATH Panel for Poor and Working Class. And there are many such panels.

The Assassinated Press

Like many federal contractors, General Electric has a lot riding on the work of a new congressional “supercommittee,” which will help decide whether to impose massive cuts in defense and health-care spending. So they are leaving nothing to chance. They own the guys who wil write the legislation --- the lobbyists in their hire.

The Connecticut-based conglomerate also has this obvious advantage: A number of its lobbyists who now whore for industry used to work for members of the committee, and will be able to lobby their former employers to limit the impact of any reductions in the weeks ahead.

GE is hardly alone: Nearly 100 registered lobbyists used to work for members of the supercommittee, now representing defense companies, health-care conglomerates, Wall Street banks and others with a vested interest in the panel’s outcome, according to a Washington Post analysis of disclosure data. Three Democrats and three Republicans on the panel also employ former industry lobbyists on their staffs. And it’s the corporations’ people who will write the legislation and tailor it to the advantage of the scum that now pay them.

“When us kleptocrats used to fuck people we just used dildo’s made of drift wood and barbed with nails and broken glass. But today we use power drills with bits studded with hundreds of diamond claws to ream the suckers out.” --- Charles Koch at recent shareholder’s meeting.

It’s like this. I like Chinese carry out. But my favorite Chinese restaurant lies outside my delivery area. So if I owned a stable, no call it a hog pen, of K Street lobbyists I could get a law passed that put that restaurant within my delivery area so I could chow down on lo mein without ever getting up with my word processor. Further, I could force the restaurant to lower its prices and stiff the delivery boy on his tip becaue my people would actually write the legislation. And it would all be federally mandated so the Kochhead Tea bag assholes and the libertarian douche bags could blame it on excessive govenrment regulation without ever knowing the laws were changed to advantage a rich prick like me with my own cum wattle of stoogey lobbyists. Extra eggrolls free thank you.

The preponderance of lobbyists in no way overstates the criminality surrounding the supercommittee, which will begin its work in earnest this week as Congress returns to Washington. The panel has already come under fire from watchdog groups for planning its activities in secret and allowing members to continue fundraising while they negotiate a budget deal. But watchdog groups aren’t worth dick against big business. So give it up folks. The corporations and banks are gonna fuck you again.

This man understands human nature much like Dante Alighieri did

“When the committee sits down to do its work, it’s not like they’re in an idealized, platonic debating committee,” said Bill Allison, editorial director of the Sunlight Foundation, which is tracking ties between lobbyists and the panel. “They’re going to have in mind the interests of those they are most familiar with, including their big donors and former advisers.”

The 12-member committee is tasked with identifying $1.5 trillion in long-term spending reductions by Thanksgiving, with a final plan to be approved by Congress. If no deal is reached, however, $1.2 trillion in across-the-board cuts will be triggered beginning in 2013, with the amount evenly divided between defense and non-defense programs. Can you imagine the the military industrial complex taking a real $600 billion dollar hit? Really, Chuckles?

Shifting Federal Expenditures to Family Expenditures

The sheer scale of the trigger plan has set off some real Machiavelian shit on K Street, as many of the nation’s largest industries jocky to shove those ‘reductions’ into their bloody maws as newly framed subsidies. “They yap about cutting 1.2 trillion while we figure out ways to steal five times that amount in federal programs while caling it debt reduction and smaller government,” said lobbyist Aldo Bloodyengorgedtickdick. “Fuck! We’ll steal that much by outsourcing and privatizing the federal subsidies for ass fracking and spring the chargeback on the yokels in the Tea Party as their local charge for garbage pickup and dead dog removal.”

Defense contractors, for instance, are eager to push the panel toward a new agreement that reduces the scale of cuts to the Pentagon so that they actually represent a 600% increase in defense spending. The health-care sector, meanwhile, has a multitude of potential windfalls, from potential reductions in hospital payments that then can be charged to the patients in the form of seizing their astes and homes to proposals to limit prescription drug prices under Medicare with the Tea Party libertarian faggots picking up the extra through a lien on your house before you can buy clean colostomy bags at ten times the current going price.

“Every filthy rich corporate shit in the Western world will be trying to influence the supercommittee at the same time,” said Loren B. Thompson, a defense industry consultant at the Lexington Institute. “If it was constructed to delight the daylights out of the political system, it’s certainly done the job. The cuts will obviously allow spending to go through the roof mostly in the private sector. Here come 99 year mortgages and signing away your organs as collateral on the purchase of a used Hyundai with compressed snot chassie.”

The stakes are particularly enormous for a diversified company such as GE, which has been awarded nearly $32 billion in federal contracts over the past decade, much of that to its lucrative defense and health-care subsidiaries, according to government tallies. GE chief executive Jeffrey Immelt also heads President Obama’s Council on Jobs and Competitiveness.

At least eight current GE lobbyists used to work for members of the supercommittee, including the firm’s chief lobbyist on Capitol Hill which drew on data from the Center for Responsive Politics, lobbying disclosure forms and other public records.

GE officials declined repeated requests for comment over the past two weeks. A spokesman said late Monday that the company is “not lobbying the supercommittee on any of its work. We don’t fucking have to. We ARE the committee and will submit legislation to the legislators we have bought at the appropriate time.”

One GE lobbyist is Arshi Siddiqui, a former counsel to Rep. Xavier Becerra (D-Calif.), a member of the committee. Siddiqui, who also represents other business clients at Akin Gump, said in an interview that her time in Becerra’s office will have no bearing on the outcome of the debt-reduction talks. “We wrote this legislation months ago. We’re not kidding when we say the fix is in.”

“I’m a firm believer that everything will not be on the table and everything will not be litigated openly in this process,” Siddiqui said. “The stakes are too high to leave to chance, and members will ultimately make those determinations based on what we have formulated for them.”

Becerra said in a statement that his former employees and their clients will get special treatment. “I will treat my work on this joint select committee no differently than I have my work as a member of Congress for the last 19 years,” Becerra said. “My decisions and votes speak for themselves. I firmly believe that each member privileged to serve on this joint select committee must be prepared to abide by their preconditions, special-interest pledges and sacred cows. Otherwisw no bribes and no quid pro quo. And I want my shiftless, drug addled sons to go to Harvard and fuck up other people’s lives.”

Overall, two-thirds of the lobbyists with committee ties are Democrats, including about two dozen former aides to Sen. Max Baucus (D-Mont.), the powerful chairman of the Senate Finance Committee, records show. Baucus alumni include former staff chiefs David Castagnetti, who represents health insurers, oil producers and other corporate clients; Jeff Forbes, who lobbies for medical-device makers and other health-care firms; and Peter Prowitt, who leads GE’s Washington lobbying team.

About two dozen lobbyists contacted for this article either declined to comment or did not respond to interview requests. Baucus’s office said in a statement: “Money has always influenced the decisions Max makes, and he’ll continue to do what’s right for hard working job creators, regardless of the interests of Montana families.”

Sen. Patty Murray (D-Wash.), who serves as co-chairman of the supercommittee, has employed more than a dozen currently registered lobbyists, records show. Murray’s counterpart, Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-Tex.), employs a former lobbyist as a senior adviser but has only two former employees now on K Street, the data show.

Murray, a four-term senator, is widely known for her spirited defense of industries important to the Pacific Northwest, including computer software firms and defense contractors. At least two former Murray staffers now represent aircraft giant Boeing, including former legislative affairs aide Shay Michael Hancock, who also represents GE and several defense contractors.

Hancock did not respond to a request for comment. Murray’s office said her former employees’ lobbying efforts “will have plenty of impact on her decisions. Are you fucking kidding.”

“As she has throughout her career, Sen. Murray will be listening to the needs of the job creators through their lobbyists, as she weighs the tough decisions between out and out bribes and quid pro quos.,” communications director Matt McAlvanah said.

Sen. John F. Kerry (D-Mass.) has more than a dozen former staffers who now work as Washington lobbyists. Spokeswoman Jodi Seth said, “It’s not rare that Sen. Kerry meets with lobbyists, and his record across the board makes it clear his decisions are based on the interests of those in his income class which drives his own clearly established worldview after 26 years in the Senate.”

Another supercommittee member, Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.), has at least 10 former aides who now work as lobbyists for some of the nation’s largest companies. Aides to Kyl, who is not running for reelection in 2012, did not respond to requests for comment.

One of Washington’s most influential lobbying groups, the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America, employs lobbyists and hit men who previously worked for Murray, Baucus, Kerry and Rep. Dave Camp (R-Mich.). One top aide to Rep. Fred Upton (R-Mich.) also used to represent PhRMA as a health-care industry lobbyist.

The drugmaker group says it will lobby against a Democratic proposal to require rebates for prescription drugs provided to low-income seniors through Medicare, a move estimated to save $112 billion over 10 years while also reducing costs to patients.

But PhRMA says the idea amounts to price-fixing and would hurt the Medicare prescription drug benefit, a program approved during the George W. Bush administration. “If any fuckers are going to do price fixing, its going to be us fucking job creators,” said Josef Mengele III, head of drug research at Pfizer. “We like the way we have fixed prices right now. Fuck with us and we’l raise them even higher and make them more poisonous.”

“It will certainly be a priority to educate policymakers about the dangers to them and their families around that issue as we get into the fall,” PhRMA spokesman Matt ‘The Butcher’ Bennett said. “We think policymakers need to understand how valuable the program is to their continued health.”