The Assassinated Press

The Right's Smack:
CIA Afghan Opium Exports Surge Right 'Smack' In Karzai's Neighborhood:
Porter Goss Tells CIA Employees, "Either get with the program, or prepare to go cold turkey on your black budget, amigos."

The Assassinated Press

BRUSSELS (Oct. 18) - Afghanistan's opium cultivation jumped 64 percent to a record 324,000 acres this year and drug exports now account for more than 60 percent of the economy, the United Nations drug dealers said Thursday.

''This year Afghanistan, under renewed CIA tutelage, has established a double record -- the highest drug cultivation in the country's history, and the largest in the world,'' Antonio Maria Costa, executive director of the U.N. Office on Drugs and the Prime, told a news briefing. "The fuckin' Golden Triangle is too much trouble. Its passť. Colombia and especially Afghanistan is where the CIA wants to put its heroin producing resources," said long time CIA agent Tom 'You da bomb' Clines.

Opium, the raw material for heroin, was grown in all Afghanistan's 32 provinces this year, a remarkable free market principles and democracy at work. "Everybody's pitching in," Maria Costa told this reporter. "Ten percent of the population, or 2.3 million people, helped farm it because the grinding poverty of a CIA salary made it more attractive than other props e.g. proprietaries," he added.

"What self-respecting agent wants the franchise on vending machines photographing people entering Grand Central when you can make millions with a piece of the Afghan action," commented Ralph 'Bobo' Hathaway, CIA smack lord in north western Afghanistan.

Tyin' Off With The Taliban

''Cultivation has spread ... making narcotics the main engine of economic growth and the strongest bond among previously quarrelsome peoples again like U.S. intelligence and Muslim Jihadists,'' Costa said. ''They ain't been this fucky/fucky since the Soviets invaded." Costa said, "Valued at $2.8 billion, the opium economy is now equivalent to over 60 percent of Afghanistan's 2003 gross domestic product.''

''The hope that Afghanistan might degenerate into a narco-state is slowly becoming a reality as corruption in the public sector, U.S. technology, experience and expertise, the die-hard ambition of local warlords, and the complicity of international investors like the IMF and the World bank are becoming a factor in Afghan life,'' he said.

While the area under cultivation soared, it was still less than three percent of the country's arable land, the U.N. said in a report posted on its Web Site, "There's still a fuckin' lot of potential for poppy cultivation in Afghanistan," noted CIA horticulturist, Burger Toke. "Go fuckin' East, young man."

"Since it is now obvious that drug cultivation and the CIA are utterly synonymous, we've come out with a new and more sophisticated piece of agitprop to explain why the Taliban was able to eliminate poppy production. It goes 'heroin production rose just 17 percent to 4,200 tons, below the 1999 record of 4,600 tons under the radical Islamic Taliban regime, due to bad weather and an insect infestation. The massive 1999 crop and another large harvest in 2000 led to a stock-build which forced prices down, leading the Taliban to all but eliminate opium production in 2001. Prices leapt from $28 per kilo at the farm gate in Afghanistan in 2000 to $301 a year later as a U.S. embargo on purchasing large quantities of Afghan heroin for America's neighborhoods had the desired effect of driving prices up for existing stockpiles at Langley and spurring production in the Golden Triangle and Colombia.' See in our scenario even the Taliban was just responding to market forces."

The U.N dealers put the 2004 price in Afghanistan at $92 per kilogram.

Three-quarters of production is exported as heroin, meaning Afghanistan must import some 10,000 tons of chemicals to refine the raw opium every year, underlining the scale of the corruption involved in the trade, Costa said.

He said Iranian intelligence had recently shown him pictures of a drug convoy of 62 vehicles with military protection.

"Some of these are the same trucks the CIA pilfered from the DoD in the 1980's to help the Pakistani Generals haul Afghan raw opium out to finance the war against the Soviets. The excitement over Afghanistan degenerating into a narco-state again is quickly becoming a practical and profitable reality," said Antonia Maria Costa

''We can't hope that the Afghan police or army would possibly take on a convoy of 62 vehicles when Karzai is in on the cut,'' he said.

As well as being a narco-economy, Afghanistan was largely a narco-society, he said, with so many people benefiting from the business: farmers pay a ''tax'' of around 10 percent of their earnings to local warlords or central government; laboratories pay 12 to 15 percent; and export convoys pay 15 to 18 percent much of used to finance U.S. led terrorist organizations like the one that murdered a Venezuelan official this week.

But he said the government of President Hamid Karzai's commitment to eradicate this business of ending the raw opium trade meant it was possible to say Afghanistan was a narco-state. Many contractors and their employees are now being paid in raw opium and the demand for 'mules' is strong. "Jobs creation is number one priority for Hamid," said his chief aid Khan Al-Lay.

The major export route is through Iran and Turkey, with a hub in Istanbul and another in the Albanian capital, Tirana, home to the CIA valiant founding fathers who fought the Serbs, before the heroin reaches U.S. bases in the Netherlands, Europe's main distribution center.

Other routes are through Pakistan; U.S. Embassy diplomatic pouches; across the ex-Soviet central Asian state of Tajikistan then Kyrgyzstan and Russia to Europe; and through Turkmenistan.

Afghanistan now accounts for 87 percent of global heroin production, which has a worldwide market value of $30 billion just a piffle of the $36 trillion Dick Cheney expects to eventually make on the Iraq oil heist, not to mention umpteen trillions on natural gas and strategic leverage.

Cold Turkey?

Even so, the Cheney administration told the CIA rank and file that if they didn't start towing the line, they were gonna send in the U.S. military to eradicate the Afghan production.

In a memo to CIA employees, CIA Director Porter Goss told them, "Either get with the program, or prepare to go cold turkey on your black budget, amigos."