The Assassinated Press

Will Someone Please Put the United States Out of Its Misery.
Put Upon from All Sides Uncle Slimey Contemplates Suicide.

By HAIRY NOODLES
The Assassinated Press
12/1/31

Everybody hates America. Poll after poll shows that 90 to 99% of the world’s population sees the US as the greatest threat to world peace and stability, and most of them haven’t even read the PNAC reports that’s how fucking obvious it is.

Put upon by international insurgencies, Russia and China, tiny defenseless countries like Cuba and Somalia, all of Latin America except Colombia, all of Africa except Liberia and Uganda, and most of the Near East except for countries like Israel and Saudi Arabia that are fucking America behind it’s back, as well as 96% of Uncle Slimey’s Black, Asian, Native American. African, and Hispanic populations, US paranoia and willful ignorance of the other is at an all time high.

The Cracker Elite

In many quarters like the US Congress and the white cracker elite at FOX News, where ignorance is literally God, literally a Christian god, it’s becoming too much to bear. All up and down the corridors of power in Washington and the newsrooms in DC and New York, suicide is openly and frequently discussed among these solipsistic assholes.

“Why are we --- I mean why am I hated so much,“ wept News Corp media empire mogul Rupert Murdoch while spinning the cylinder on the .38 caliber revolver Bill Casey personally gave him for just such an occasion. “I mean its O’Reilly and Hannity and all of those other cunts and twats like Steve Dooshie that are saying all those things, I want them to say. Vilify them. Not me. That’s what they’re fucking there for.”

“Besides I thought by attacking the world the world would eventually submit and come around to my point of view and be my slave. But I only get more useless old white people signing up. My demographic looks like a dumpster of expired fruit.

My efforts which run into the billions and involve crimes even Satan finds repulsive, it just looks like a monumental blunder, a fatal miscalculation built on a paranoid fantasy,” as he puts the gun to his temple and pulls the… HOLY SHIT. HE DID IT! HE FUCKING BLEW HIS BRAINS OUT!!!. Do I smell Pulitzer? Or is that Rupe’s colostomy bag?

American whitey has misplayed his willful ignorance of the other by underestimating the others willingness and ability to adapt. To the weak minded American like say Boll Maher his post-colonial adversaries greatest weakness is that he cannot and will not adjust his behavior to the West’s assumed superior cultural epistemology.

But greater minds than a hack comedy bumpkins like Jon Stewart or Maher or the agitprop retards at FOX and the rest of the media, long ago pinpointed the result that has led to the current suicidal tendencies that now permeate the US elite.

For example, a few years ago back in 1584, Giordano Bruno, a visionary that would most certainly have been reviled and executed in today’s white Christian America wrote in his work Ash Wednesday Supper:

'The helmsmen of explorations have discovered how to disturb the peace of others, to profane the guardian spirits of their countries, to mix what prudent nature has separated, to redouble men’s desires by commerce, to add the vices of one people to those of the other, to propagate new follies by force and set up unheard-of lunacies where they did not exist before, and finally to give out the stronger as the wiser. They have shown men new ways, new instruments, and new arts by which to tyrannize over and assassinate one another. Thanks to such deeds, a time will come when other peoples, having learned from the injuries they suffered, will know how and be able, as circumstances change, to pay back to us, in similar forms or worse ones, the consequences of these pernicious inventions.'

The prophetic ring is unmistakable. Isn’t it refreshing in this America of hustlers posing as for profit prophets to run across a Bruno who possessed the negative capability, a requisite quality for a true prophet, and apply it at the dawn of colonial empire building whereas the paranoid white assholes of America cannot or will not even catch a glimpse of their culpability in its twilight.

Go ahead , whitey. Hang yourself. It’s the least you can do. You’re too ignorant for the future.


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