The Assassinated Press

Bimbo Politics.
Dick Armey Has an Eye for the Honeys.
Tea[t] Party Goes after the Viagra Vote: Boning Up on the ‘Doable’ Candidates.
Dick Armey Fucks 34 Goats a day Yet Denies Connection to the Tea Party.

The Assassinated Press

I had just gotten off work supervising a crew of Salvadorans for the County. I pulled two chilly Iron City sixes from their brown paper bags, kicked off my shoes and clicked on the TV looking to see if the Spike channel had any cage matches on. Nah, just wrastlin’ with big steroid homos in tiny tights rubbin’ on each other. So I began flippin’ around and low and behold this chubby little honey named Christine O’Donnell yapping away on Bill O’Reilly.

I says to myself, ‘that broad reminds me of someone.’ I thought on it a minute and finally, shit, it hit me. She kinda reminded me of Sarah Palin. Like Palin, she was definitely doable and you could tell, even with the sound down on the TV, O’Reilly’s factor was getting’ a little tone in the bone. And this after only two beers. I mean me. I don’t know how many O’Reilly had if that pansy drinks beer at all.

And I got to thinkin’ about the Tea Party and all the doable bimbos they have come up with. That ol’ horndog Dick Armey must vet them trying to fluff male voters for the November election

Of course, Palin’s the prototype, the ur-Tea pussy, former beauty queen and all around bimbo, one of maybe ten MILF pussies every man in America, Democrat, Republican, Independent or just too plain sane to vote has thought of going down on. Women too. Especially,them repressed Christian Tea Bagger women with metaphorical testicles dangling from their hats. Shit, if I had my way it’d be every tea baggers duty to munch Palin’s rug to show loyalty to the cause. I’d be there first in line--- stone fucking sober. Todd? I’m pretty sure I could take Todd, and if not, my little homey Glock 9’ll put an end to any the discussion with a long barrel yokel like that shit head.

Tea Bag Fluffers

Now, mind you I may be a hopelessly alcoholic, terrified, ignorant, wife beating, born again Christian bigot. I mean I fit the Tea Bagger profile. But I know better than to give up my vote over some TV boner. If I thought there was a chance in hell this O’Donnell broad or, praise god, Sarah Palin, would blow me then sit on my prick would I vote Tea Bag? You’re damn straight I would. In an apostle’s nano-second. I’d vote until somebody made me stop.

But I ain’t gonna get any pussy from these Tea Bag bitches on TV. It’s all reduced to subtle seduction on the small screen. It’s fucking low key political pornography is what it is. And that part makes me mad. Because I can buy pussy, real flesh and blood pussy, and not have to sacrifice my self-interest and well-being to Dick Armey’s fucking sirens for a drunken masturbation to a youtube fucking talking twat. Besides, unlike the ten dollar hookers I fuck, these broads is dumb.

List of Doable Candidates Says Let’s Tea Party

But the list of doable female Tea Bag candidates don’t stop with Palin’s sweet ass. There’s doable cunt up and down the conservative roster starting with this taut, dark skinned broad Niki Haley though she may not be strictly a Tea Bagger or strictly American. Michele Bachmann ain’t a bad lookin’ piece of meat after a few beers and maybe a couple of shots and maybe the last one to the head. But she should get her eyes uncrossed. They make her look like she doesn’t know where she is. I usually need a lost weekend in Juarez to look like that.

Other doables are Mary Fallon (I like ‘em big), hot chocolate Tea Bagger, Star Parker, Cathy McMorris and if you turn the clock back 20 years or put a bag over my head or down a bottle of tequila with me there’s Sharon Angle. That Sue Lowden was doable for a broad with a chicken fetish.

Come to think of it there’s a lot of doable cooch at FOX NEWS. Who does the hiring? Murdoch. Ailes. Kudos to whoever it is.

Dumb Is the New Smart!

Sometimes I watch FOX News and FOX cable instead of Sabado Gigante though some of that Univision ‘taco’ with that tang of third world poverty is pretty fucking spicy.

FOX’s Gretchen Carlson is definitely munchable with that Ivy League degree but acting like a yokel, like a faked Sarah Palin. Also, she might look better cause she’s the meat in that fag sandwich of Tom Doocy and the greasy black haired mulatto lookin’ dude. Madeline Albright might look good in that hogey. And don’t get me statted on Megyn Kelly. I like ‘em dumb and peroxide blond too. No beer goggles needed for cunty Miss Kelly.

But Greta van Susteren? I dunno maybe a couple of six packs and some plastic surgery. But she’s ugly enough to make me turn Democrat.

I’ve always been curious about Ann Coulter. Skinny bitches got huge twats and when they lay down on their backs their spread legs is like median lines guiding you right to a dead skunk in the middle of the road. Slam! Bam! Crash landing on a sloppy runway but the flotilla device is huge and wet and cushy. But for them big pussied, skinny girls like Ann you better show up with you’re ‘A’ dick.

I think after a couple a stiff drinks, maybe half a bottle of tequila, I’d do her. But she must never get fucked, she’s always so bitchy. Like no one’s nibbled on her little sugar almond since she was a child. It’s like if you’re with her you’d be always askin’ “What the fuck you mean by that bitch.” It’d be impossible to bone through that bitches mouth. She puts the ‘limp’ in Limpanelli instead of the bone in Bohner.

But I digress. What I mean to say. If a couple of these tea baggin’ hotties is willin’ to tea bag me, I’ll vote for them. But if it’s just a media tease, fuck ‘em. I’ll bang my wife and vote socialist.