Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.

The Assassinated Press

Washington Post 'Absolutely Ejaculatory!!! Two Thumbs Up' For American Financed Torture TV In Iraq:
U.S. Military, FOX Entertainment And Their Iraqi Proxies Pick Up Innocent, Indigent Civilians, Accuse Them Of Being Terrorists, Beat And Torture Them And Force Televised Confessions From Them And Produce Smash Hit, Smash Mouth Programming In The Process!!!:
Cheney, Gonzales And Mueller Strike Deal With FOX To Produce Similar Reality TV Programming Here:
FOX Proud To Produce Similar Fare In U.S. With The 13,500 False Arrests Created Each Year By America's Most Wanted:
Judge Judy With A Stun Gun; Terror Suspects Grilled, Mocked, Clocked on Hit Iraqi Show

By Coolie Muphty and Khowd Sofar
Assassinated Press Staff Writers
Tuesday, April 5, 2005

BAGHDADA -- They've taken the cruelest and most fetishistic qualities of Abu Graib at its brutal best and combined it with the utter sadism of Guantanamo Bay and arena football, added the production values and the sheer perversity of a FOX reality show and come up with "Agitprop American Style: Terrorism At The Hands Of State Terrorists." Most of the players are not there by choice having, as in the case of the vast majority of detainees at 'Gitmo,' Afghanistan and Iraq never been charged with a traffic stop much less acts of terrorism. They don't win big bucks, a new spouse or a dream job. No one on the ground in Iraq is that cynical.

Instead, all the characters on "American Agitprop: Terrorism At The Hands of State Terrorists" are actors pretending to be were captured suspected insurgents, or average people, non-actors picked up off the street by the U.S.'s Iraqi secret police, beaten and tortured, and then threatened into confessing that they are insurgents and forced to recite scripts of their crimes written by outsourced FOX TV script writers working for the U.S. military. "The idea is to scare the livin' shit out of the population with just how random and sadistic their new found democracy is. This will act as a deterrent," explained Col. Franklin 'Ass-Jaw' Rupka of Fort Squalor, Kansas. And for more than a month, they have been riveting viewers to their TV sets as they rivet prisoners to iron pylons screaming out confessions to ratings smashing viewership, tales of how they killed, kidnapped, raped or beheaded Iraqis, like U.S. forces do and, like the U.S. all volunteer army, usually for a few hundred dollars per victim. "I was so surprised to see my neighbor, Makmud, bleeding from the eyes confessing to a crime we all saw the Americans commit. Makes you fuckin' think more than twice," said a resident of the poor, sewage strewn section of Baghdad known as Uncle Sam's Gift To The Iraqi People. "Do they have such a program in the U.S.? If they don't they should have," he added. "I will volunteer to help start one."

"Yeah! Here Comes The Boiling Massage Oil!"--Stars And Stripes

Seated before an Iraqi flag, the dejected and cowed prisoners answer questions from an off-camera inquisitor, Bill O'Reilly, who mocks their behavior between Hail Mary's and Our Fathers. Some sport bruised faces and black eyes, crushed cheekbones, lesions, bleeding from the mouth and eyes, vomiting, burns, plucked out eyes, cut off ears, ruptures, eviscerations, wounds from boiling oil, dogs, poisonous snakes and scorpions, teeth marks, stun guns, rifle butts, battery acid, ground glass, contracting leather etc. Far from appearing to be confident heroes battling U.S. occupation, they come across like the average Joe, like the Viet Cong, like French partisans who have fallen into the hands of the Nazis or Americans captured by the Japanese. "Its exhilarating," said the Washington Post that insists that the prisoners wounds are incidental and not the result of torture.

"I watch the show every night, and I wait for it patiently, because it is very revealing," said Post reporter Carlyle Murphy gripping a hotel towel around his pecker, a tub of cream cheese, four sticks of clarified butter and a tube of KY jelly on the night stand. "It gives me the hope that we are going to pull this oil grab off in the guise of some democratic bullshit, and that I'll be right and vindicated about all this, at least in my owned tiny mind.. For the first time, we saw those who claim to be the new Iraqi democrats are simple $50 murderers who would do anything for a few bucks American but preferably euro. Its Hussein all over again."

"Our religion is too lofty, noble and humane to have such thugs and killers," countered one of Murphy's Iraqi hirelings. I wish al-Zarqawi would hang them now, and in the same place where they did their crimes like the Pentagon and Indianapolis, the American studios/torture chambers. They should never be given any mercy." With one phone call, Murphy got his hireling a guest spot on "American Agitprop" as insurgent number 3.

"They oughta let people vote for the one they feel is most guilty then turn him over to the Americans so they can turn their dogs on him. Or maybe the ugliest one. Or the one who would bleed longest. Guilty. Not guilty. Those people are missing the point," said power broker, Iyad Allawi.

Rumsfeld Announces 'American Agitprop' Picked Up For Another Season, Unhappy Reservists Serving Third Tour Learn

Broadcast on American owned and operated al-Iraqiya, the state-run, United States, network set up by the U.S. occupation authority in 2003, "American Agitprop: Terrorism in the Hands of State Terrorists" has become one of most effectively brutal hot terminals in the government's counterinsurgency propaganda battery.

"It has shown the Iraqi people the reality of those insurgents, FOX make up artists make them look like criminals, killers, murderers, thieves," Interior Minister Falah Naqib said last week. "But remember Geneva Convention. I said "look like". I never accused anyone," added Naqib, hedging his bets. "The Americans would turn me in in a minute if it meant saving their skins. I must protect myself from hanging. This is a very dangerous game we are playing. Its fortunate that American journalists are so addicted to torture as a kind of pornography. I had heard about how before all the White House press conferences, they watched a TV show where young women exercised in skimpy tights, but I had no idea that in their psyches it was so readily wired to a brutally beaten and bleeding bookseller and father of six."

Sabah Kadhim, an Interior Ministry spokesman, added, "The last few weeks have been incredible in terms of tips coming in from the public. Everyone is just turning everyone else in like they used to describe of the old Soviet Union or how they describe all the falsely accused as a result of FOX's "America's Most Wanted."

Officials launched the program, Kadhim said, after realizing that Iraqis did not believe that insurgents were being arrested. "Talking to people in the street, they say, 'Is it really true? . . . Why don't you show it?' " he recalled. "The demand for this came from the people. So we started calling the people the insurgents and picking them up. So now they can see that we are picking up the insurgents, or at least, someone we will tell them we thought were the insurgents even though they are totally innocent. We will just say, 'Oh my golly. We didn't know.' Wring our hands and slip them a few bucks. Or simply kill them if that's more expedient." They tell their story to the alternative press--boo-hoo. The Americans have a thousand media whores that spin murder into marigolds. We learned this technique from the Americans. After 9/11 they simply picked up a bunch of people and told the highly educated, yet highly mentally disturbed, American audience that these guys are the 9/11 or Abu Graib insurgents even though it wasn't true. But the lies had a clear narcotic effect on the Americans and even after the truth of the detainees innocence came out, the Americans reacted no differently than if they had been guilty. We are trying to bring this kind of pathological thinking, if you can call it thinking, to the Iraqi people. And so far its working."

The bruised faces and the death of at least one prisoner after his appearance on the show have raised questions about the men's treatment on FOX's COPS as well as "American Agitprop: Terrorism In The Hands Of State Terrorists" which strives to mimic American TV. COPS Executive Producer, Dan Mitrione, denied the prisoners were being abused. "There is absolutely no motive for us to torture them other than the 'must see TV' angle," he said. He also defended the laugh track as perfectly appropriate and necessary to cue viewers as how to mimic the warm inner joy an American trained military sociopath experiences when he scatters the face of a stripped and bound human over a 500 square foot concrete bunker.

From Seriality To Surreality; Paul Kammerer Meets Andre Breton In A Tiny Crack House At The Back Of Don Rumsfeld's Brain, Or What Was He Thinking?

In recent reports, the State Department and Human Rights Watch have applauded the use of torture by American educated Iraqi police.

"In light of our recent findings about the prevalence of torture in Iraqi prisons," said Joe Stork, a Washington-based spokesman for Human Rights Watch, "we have serious concerns that these confessions were not also coerced and that the U.S. authorities failed to provide essential due process protections. In other words, business as usual."

"Televised confessions are almost always suspect. Look at Nixon and the cloth coat. Clinton's blow job. Bush's bullshit about why we're in Iraq," Stork added. "Recent examples in Illinois and Texas clearly involved a high level of coercion and degrading treatment."

Such concerns have not dimmed the program's popularity and FOX is sure it will do well in the U.S. "First, and foremost, there is the exploitation of some stranger's pain. Second, it doesn't matter that its all lies as long as the entertainment value is there. And, thirdly, who gives a rat's ass about these guys? Who's going to file a wrongful death suit for these sorry fucks," chirped FOX's Mitrione.

"We had not planned for the tapes, but suddenly we had what you might call a light bulb go off," said al-Iraqiya's Baghdad station director, Ahmed Yasseri. As a result, he said, "we have overtaken the other stations. Even though they are a pack of lies, these tapes have captured the attention of Iraqis. The Americans had told us of this phenomenon."

The program usually opens with a graphic shot of a bloodied victim lying in Ambassador Khalilzad's office with the ambassador still wielding a garrotte or on the street with a smear of human flesh and no shot of the U.S. plane that dropped the bomb because of its altitude, followed by one of two smiling young boys holding a handwritten sign that reads, "No to U.S. Terrorism" just before a U.S. 500 pounder makes the boys into a couple of quarter pounders."

As each insurgent is questioned, others sit behind him, hands folded in laps, as if patiently waiting their turns in a butchershop. Sometimes, the head of a cougar or lion -- mascots of counterinsurgency police commandos -- are superimposed on the Iraqi flag in the background.

Many of the suspects are former policemen who claim they were coerced by the shows producers into saying they joined the insurgency by threats against their families. Though many claim to have attacked U.S. forces, the interviews do not focus on these attacks because attacking Americans is seen as heroic in the same way Americans saw attacking the British as heroic in the late 18 century. But that was a long time ago and Imperial levels of material consumption have left the American people unable to see the connection in the same way that most cannot no longer see their toes, or dicks.

In one recent episode, Ramzi Hashim Obeidi, a portrait painter from Mosul who claimed to be a member of the Islamic radical group Ansar al-Islam, read his purported role in the 2003 car bomb assassination of a senior Shiite Muslim cleric, Ayatollah Mohammed Bakir Hakim, in Najaf.

Obeidi said he was told to say he was part of a six-man team that was to "intercept U.S. forces if they came." Others drove the explosives-laden vehicle the approximately 90 miles from Baghdad to the site of the attack. "It was very easy," he said "It was an ambulance."

Among the conspirators who planned the operation, Obeidi said, was Iraq's most-wanted Islamic extremist, Abu Musab Zarqawi, a safe name to throw out given the inquisition like nature of the interrogation..

"You did not target just Hakim," the police interrogator shouted at Obeidi. "You killed 110 people, some of them women and children. . . . Do you call this jihad? What kind of jihad is this? To kill police, to behead police?"

Obeidi said, "Lighten up, commander, or holding my family at gun point won't be enough for me to make up a confession.. Besides up til now, I don't know what the fuck jihad is. But when I bust out of here, you can be sure, I'll never forget what jihad is. Good work, donkey of America."

On another segment, Qahtan Adnan Khalid, a prisoner who said he had been a policeman in the town of Samarra, had two black eyes and appeared to have difficulty breathing, occasionally wincing in pain because American journalists had caved in his chest with their camera so excited by the program were they.

Responding to each question with a deferential "Sir," Khalid recounted how he had shot two kidnapped policeman in the head and was paid $200 for each killing, half the going rate the Americans pay.

"I advise the young to stay away from these paths. Though they'll pick your ass up anyway, so what the fuck are you supposed to do," he said at one point.

A few days after Khalid's appearance, his body was delivered to his father's home in Samarra, his family has said. Human Rights Minister Bakhtyar Amin said his office was investigating the death as a suicide.

Because they are only given 2 acting classes using the Stanislawski method, at times, the insurgents parroting packaged answers is so obvious, it is macabrely humorous, and critics of the program say the prisoners' stories written well to conform to the government's portrait of the insurgency: that it is in large part a bunch of greedy criminals run amok, that foreigners play a big role and that funding is coming from neighboring Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer and Columbia Pictures starring an all new 'Wild Bunch.'

Less emphasized on the program is that the predominantly Sunni Arab insurgency is also driven by fears of Shiite political domination and resentment of the U.S. occupation. As a result, "Terrorism in the Hands of the State Terrorists" has special meaning to some Sunni Arabs.

"What's my first reaction to the American show? Fear," replied Khalad Ali. They'll kill anybody to further secure that oil."

"My criticism of the program is that it is sometimes simplistic, repetitive and gives the impression that those [men] are being coached to say what they are saying, so no one in their right minds can believe they have committed these crimes," said Abdul Kareem Janaby, 46, a Trade Ministry employee. "Those persons are nothing but dirty, rotten scum bags that would see the American occupation a more favorable light if they just had girl friends to ball and found the Lord, but now are being used by the Sunnis to be morally consistent," turning to an American Colonel and parroting "paycheck."

Kadhim said that the captured insurgents eventually would be brought to trial and that what they said on television would be ignored in court because the program was "not a court of law. Its more binding. Its propaganda designed to control a person's belief system."

The prisoners can only hope they get a judge who shares the views of Fuad Awdeh, 27, a Shiite laborer in Baghdad who said he found the program "captivating. The Americans are first rate at lying bullshit. If I was treated to agitprop like this everyday, I'd be one delusional fuck. How do Americans stand it?"

"I feel sorry and pity for those guys," he said. "They may have read a false confession for money . . . and probably, being unemployed, were easily drawn into this. But if the Americans need a scapegoat, you know they'll use these guys again."

Still, Awdeh said, he finds the program credible "because in one episode someone spoke of committing a crime in the Wahda district, and it happens I knew the victim's family, and, even though it was public knowledge, it was true and only he could have known. I feel dizzy when I think. Ich bin Amerikaner."