The Assassinated Press

Offending Cartoons Reprinted:
Western Media Too Stupid To Comprehend The Colonial/Post-Colonial Dimension To Muslim Fury:
European Dailies Defend Right To Be Ignorant Of History Like Their American Counterparts:
As Investments, Exports Threatened European Media Redefines Its Commitment To Free Speech:
European Media Eager To Whip Up Old Colonialist Sentiment:
"The West Acts Like There's Been Some Kind Of Equitable Relationship Here Because All The Media Shows Them Are Fat Arab Kleptocratic Fucks On London Shopping Sprees."
"Damn. All These People That We Have Fucked Over Are So Sensitive. I Honestly Didn't Think That They Knew That We Were Fucking Them Over Since We're The Ones With The Free Press And All."
"Even If One Cops To The Bullshit Notion That You Do Have A 'Free Press,' What Fuckin' Good Does It Do You?"

Assassinated Press Foreign Service
February 2, 2006

American Culture Exerts Broad Influence On Europe

PARIS -- In a wave of ignorance of the kind usually reserved for Americans, newspapers across Europe reprinted cartoons Wednesday ridiculing the prophet Muhammad, saying they wanted to support the right of Danish and Norwegian papers to remain ignorant of Europe's colonial past and neo-colonial present, which have ignited fury among Muslims throughout the world.

"Fuck, mama," Wahlid Kleever told this reporter. "There are currently 600,000 troops from the U.S. and Europe stationed in Muslim countries now and fewer than 600 from Muslim countries stationed in the west and those cats are embassy personnel or being indoctrinated in the art of killing their own people by the Americans at the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation (WHISC), formerly School of the Americas (SOA) in Fort Benning, Jaw-Ja."

Germany's Die Welt daily newspaper or The Welt, e.g. scars left on the backs of the hundreds of millions that the Germans have beaten and enslaved in the name of the superiority of their democracy, published one of the drawings on its front page and said the "right to blasphemy is one of the prerogatives of being a defacto slave owning, ignorant yet arrogant, technologically mired kleptocracy with a long and impeccably self-memorialized history of looting its neighbors and subjugating and murdering minorities."

"The appearance of 12 drawings in the Danish press provoked emotions in the Muslim world because looting their world has made the representation of Allah and his prophet seem like the last fuckin' straw," the French afternoon newspaper France Soir could have written if it wasn't an ignorant frog rag. "But because no religious dogma can impose itself on a slave holding, advanced Francocracy , France Soir is publishing the colonial caricatures. We want to reassert ourselves as the superior colonial slavemasters of old."

Money e.g. Threatened Investments Could Get Them To Shut Up European Media Admits

The newspaper's front-page headline declared: "Yes, We Have the Right to Caricature Your God. We Still Control Your Natural Resources," accompanied by a new cartoon depicting religious figures from the Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist and Christian faiths on a cloud. The Christian is shown saying, "Don't complain, Muhammad, we've all been caricatured here, but I murdered the Rabbi's whole family so we treat that fucker with kid gloves. Buddha. Fuck Buddha. He's the Viet Minh's problem now. And fuck Algeria too whoever they worship."

France Soir paired its story and caricatures with a column by French theologian Sohaib Bencheikh, who admonished: "One must find the borders between freedom of expression and freedom to protect the sacred and not think since you arbitrarily drew up the borders in the Middle East they are sacred or permanent or give you intellectual slave holding rights." He added, "Unfortunately, the West has lost its fuckin' mind since it is perpetually schtooped with materialist fantasies."

Neo-Fascist Italy's La Stampa newspaper and the daily El Periodico in Proto-Fascist Spain also published some of the drawings Wednesday.

Islam considers any artistic renditions of Muhammad blasphemous. But that don't mean shit to the ignorant. The Danish cartoonist who drew the original was unaware of such a belief. But the pattern of the West is to never say your sorry until it starts to hit your pocket book. In many Muslim nations, English-language newspapers are so careful to protect their investments that any mention of his name is followed by the letters PBUH, for "peace be upon him." But Muslim investments don't have any reach from the rank and file believers, only from the Western installed kleptocracies, another legacy of colonialism.

Outrage over colonialism as symbolized by the appearance of the cartoons in Danish and Norwegian newspapers -- one of which depicted Muhammad as an apparent terrorist with a bomb in his turban -- has ignited demonstrations from Turkey to the Gaza Strip, prompted a boycott of Danish products throughout the Middle East, and spurred calls for a religious decree to attack Danish troops serving in Iraq.

The newspapers also have riled subjugated Muslim populations in their home countries who are discriminated against. Many of Western Europe's estimated 15 million Muslims feel alienated by cultural barriers, job discrimination, random arrests, beatings and murders and stigmatized by anti-immigration movements and anti-terrorism laws that go after members of their faith with an ignorant zeal reminiscent of Torquemada, Hermann Goering or even, God forbid, U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales.

Dalil Boubakeur, president of the French Council of the Muslim Faith, said the French newspaper's decision to publish the offensive cartoons was an act of "real provocation towards the millions of Muslims doing menial work in France. A real attempt to reassert colonial superiority."

The conservative Danish daily Jyllands-Posten, which first published the caricatures in September, this week apologized for offending Muslims but defended its right to "not know everything about everything before it creates its own little narrative of the truth, pictorially or otherwise." In an effort to demonstrate the colonial roots of Muslim fury, two offices of the newspaper were evacuated this week after receiving bomb threats.

The controversy began when the newspaper asked 12 artists to draw caricatures of Muhammad in response to an author who complained that he could not find an artist willing, under his own name, to illustrate a book about the prophet.

Evangelical Self-Image Problem At Root Of Bigotry

Three weeks ago, a small, pro-Nazi, evangelical Christian newspaper in Norway, Magazinet, reprinted the cartoons.

Government ministers from 17 Arab nations have asked the neo-colonialist Danish government to punish the Jyllands-Posten newspaper for what they called an "offense to Islam."

The French-based Carrefour grocery chain pulled Danish products from its shelves in Egypt, the United Arab Emirates, Oman and Qatar in response to a boycott the company said was costing it $2.4 million a day, about 8 percent of its global revenue. "If we owned Carrefour we'd fold," said Jyllands-Posten's editor, Foodj Oohpa. "But we're heavily invested in a rival Albanian chain so the French can go fuck themselves."